The Internet: Then and Now

Or, How My Longest Lasting Addiction Has Changed Over the Years

Way, way, way back in the fall of 1995 I moved into a dorm that just happened to have a tiny computer lab on its ground floor. Now, when I say "tiny" I mean damn near minuscule. If my memory serves me, and there's no guarantee it does, I believe there were three or four computers crammed into a glorified closet. One thing I do clearly remember is that there was a two hour time limit for computer usage that was tallied on a sign up sheet. I must have signed that thing a thousand times before the internet got the better of me.

Before I moved away from my little hick town, in which I now live in again, I knew about the internet. I knew it existed at any rate. But I didn't really know what it could mean to me personally or what dangerous fun it could be. But that all changed soon after I discovered a little thing called ISCA. I don't remember what it stood for exactly but I know it was a service out of an Iowa university and it allowed users to talk in real time with anyone else who happened to be connected to ISCA. It was a chat room before they were called chat rooms.

It was such a rinky dinky thing compared to what we have now. There were no smilies, no wallpapers, no graphics, no pretty at all. There weren't even fonts; it was in MS-DOS style for shits sake! It was cuneiform compared to the high falutin' chat rooms around these days. But it was great; it was amazing! I remember for weeks tallying up how far away my chat buddies lived. Here's one from Florida! This guy is from England! Holy shit, this one is from Australia! It was mind blowing, it was awe inspiring and it was fun as hell. But it was also addicting.

Those last few weeks when it got really bad I lived my life in two hour periods. I'd be online for two hours then go eat, shower and perhaps sleep a little for two hours then right back to the internet for two hours. And I did this round the clock for days and days and days. I was hooked. I walked, talked, thought and breathed the internet as I knew it. I was addicted. Obviously, I didn't go to class, wasn't doing schoolwork and barely managed to keep my part time job at Burger King. It got so bad that I had no choice but to withdraw from classes before I had a GPA full of Fs.

That experience taught me a valuable lesson. Or, at least, it forever burned away my immense desire to chat online. I can count on one hand the times I've entered a chat room since then and I don't miss it a bit. In fact, I don't know how I ever enjoyed it. When I look back I think it must have been the fascination and wonder and glory of it all that really hooked me, as opposed to talking with strangers about usually mindless teenage crap. I'm such an anti-social hermit with no tolerance for small talk, i.e. bullshit, that I can't imagine having anything in common with that girl of eighteen.

And, just as I typed the above I realized that was nearly half a lifetime ago. My life can be divided between pre-internet and addiction to internet. After I went back to school later that school year I learned that the internet was much more than chatting. There was this wonderful thing called Netscape and it was wonderful! It was better than ISCA! I could find anything about anything! There was news from all over the world; there were trivia games; there was porn! I remember I was working in the English Department as an office assistant and on my mail slot someone had put a sticker that included my name in the form of a web address. I was a junkie discovering a new, updated and much more highly nuanced form of my preferred drug.

Coming soon: How the Internet Ballooned the Pagan Community, including discussions of techno-pagans, millions of cheesy pagan graphics, fluffy bunnies talking out their asses, the anti-fluffy bunnies talking out their asses and other fun and fascinating bits.

Green Growth

Since bringing my plants out a couple months back I've learned a valuable lesson: I should have been placing my small San Pedro cactus out in the full sun from the very start. Since it was brought out this spring, and placed out in the yard away from the trees, I swear it's grown at least an inch and a half! And the new growth is thicker and colored a deeper, richer green than the rest. I'm so pleased with it. It's the only perennial I've managed to get started and keep going! I have much, much more experience with annuals and am so happy to know that it is possible for me to nurture a perennial. Now if only I could figure out how the hell to get herbs to not only sprout from seed but stay alive for longer than a few weeks I'd be feeling like a supergreenwitch!

The petunias and other things I planted some weeks back are doing well for the most part, especially considering most were planted much later than I would have liked since our spring took so damn long to get sprung. The eucalyptus plants are doing quite well as are the sage plants. The two basils aren't looking as good as I'd like but I'm experimenting with placement hoping they'll improve. Just this morning the first bloom of the year popped out on the red hibiscus and it's a stunning sight and a joy to behold.

This year our vegetable garden is only a shadow of its former self since we didn't have the funds to repair our tiller, much less buy a new one. So, we've only got fifteen or so tomato plants that we'll start harvesting in the next week or so. When they're ripe we'll have tons of wonderful red juiciness to enjoy. And the dozen or so pepper plants are growing nicely as well but not producing yet. We've harvested and enjoyed quite a bit of lettuce by now and look to have some more pretty soon. We've been lucky enough to get some good corn at the local farmer's markets as well as have some gifted to us.

The fence that we used to have around the compost pile, and that the tornado ripped out, now serves as a great trellis for the cucumber plants. They're nearly chest high and just beginning to set on; we picked the first just today. We've also enjoyed a few sackfuls of homegrown cucumbers gifted to us from friends which has been awesome. They're so good peeled, sliced and soaked in apple cider vinegar with a little salt and pepper. It's super yummy and the vinegar helps the human body better absorb minerals from food. In fact, now that I think of it, cucumbers, as well as tomatoes, are the flavor of summertime. I'd probably include watermelon too. I love homegrown vegetables fresh from the garden! Sure, they can be bought in grocery stores year round these days but nothing beats homegrown veggies. Hothouse vegetables, aside from usually being chemically treated, picked too early and spending days in transit, just don't taste as good. Even if homegrown veggies aren't quite as tender, because of exposure to the hot summer sun, their flavor is unbeatable. Yay for summer food!

How are the green growing things doing around your neck of the woods?

Subtle Rays

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Once again I marvel at the fascinating and freaky formations clouds manage to get themselves into. Or rather, I marvel at the winds, humidity and heights that create the never ending variety of cloud formations. This is another sunset view from these hills; I can't seem to get enough of them lately. I've often said, and I really mean it, that the autumn is my favorite time of year for cloud photography. And that's mostly because the sky is such a vivid, brilliant, deep blue. But nothing beats the summertime for striking sunsets. I guess it's all the moisture in the air that makes for such beautiful and unique views. I also imagine that at least part of my love of summertime sunsets is due to the fact that once the sun goes down, the temperature does too.

Zig Zags in the Sky

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This photo is, like all zigzagging images, confusing as hell to me. I don't know how clouds can makes these kinds of formations and I guess it's not really all that important to my mind. What is important is what the image evokes. It makes me think of the paths we take in our lives. We think we've got things figured out so we take one path. Then we change our minds, or something blocks our way and we head off into another direction. And back and forth we sometimes go on our way through this life.

Neon Sunset

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This image has not been altered in any way, other than a little size reduction.

Jewel Toned Sky

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This is a recent view from the backyard. If you look closely you can just make out the electric lines of our neighbors. Up until now I've had a firm stance about this: I refused to post pictures of the electric lines that ruined my view. But, since I can't get rid of them I'm just gonna have to deal. I still hate them as this was a perfect, perfect view.

In other news, I know I promised a while back that I would be creating some more collage art. Well, health issues are the main reason I haven't gotten to that. My crafty room is also the only room in the house without air conditioning and it being July has made it very uncomfortable up there much of the time. If I ever get my fairly minor health problems straightened out I'm hoping to spend some night times cutting and pasting. I'm still kinda hung up on copyright issues but will probably just say 'to hell with it' and do what I want. It's not like I'm making any money off of this little blog, now am I?

Green Air and White Nights

I think it's a line from the first book of The Lord of the Rings in which Tom Bombadil mentions the healing and rejuvenating power of "the green smell" and the wonder and joy to be found in nature. The feeling around here these days is a perfect example of that. We had a blessedly comfortable Fourth of July with the air full of smoke and the scent of green growth. We had the nearly full moon on the left of our viewing area and a gathering storm on our right. The brightness of the moon, the lightning of the thunderhead and fireworks everywhere in between coupled with the surprising not-scorching heat made for a very pleasant and visually stimulating holiday. It's indicative of the recent weather and lush greenness of life in these hills lately. While my health has been less-than-perfect, to say the least, lately every time I step outside I feel myself immediately wrapped in a cocoon of green healing energy. The very air seems green and full of potential and while that doesn't solve any of my problems it gives me hope.

It never ceases to amaze me, this phenomena of trees and flowers and the wide open sky instantly lifting my spirits and inspiring me. I can be deep in an unpleasant, unhappy funk and one brief sighting of a crane flying past a brilliant sunset can put the silliest grin on my face. My spirits can be down in the dumps and just a few minutes of owl or whip-poor-will song has me smiling like an idiot. When I get so frantic and jittery that I can't sit still all it takes is a half-hour walk around our immense back yard with the dogs to calm me down and help me find my center. And if I ever find myself wondering why I don't feel as good as I should I just have to remember that, for some reason or another, I haven't communed with the moon for a while.

I hate the time of the new moon. I hate it when I can't speak with Luna. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand the phases of the moon and why we have to have three moonless nights a month. I'm not hating on the nature of the solar system. And I also recognize, with gusto, the significance and power of the moon in all her phases. I recognize and revere Hecate, and her magic, just as much as any other self-respecting witch. But I miss the moon so much when I can't see her. I hate cloudy nights and I hate new moon time for the same reason: I can't see her and I can't feel her anywhere near as keenly as I do when I can see her. Intellectually, I know that even though I cannot see her with my puny human eyes that she is still there. I know she is there during the day but the sun is too bright and won't allow me to see her. I know she is there when nighttime clouds obscure her. And I know she is there during her new phase. I know this. But it doesn't make it any easier.

I don't think I can explain rationally with facts and figures; it's entirely subjective. When it comes to the natural world I truly am a Missourian: I want you to show me! Or at least, when it comes to bird song, let me hear it for myself. I must smell it, feel it, experience it for myself or its meaningless. Okay, it's not meaningless. But without personal firsthand sensory experience I receive no direct and immediate benefit from it. When I can't see the moon, or be outside and smell the green smell, just knowing it's out there doesn't really mean much. It's like reading a nature magazine. It can be fascinating, it can be very educational and it can spurn me into action. It can broaden my horizons and lead me to new pursuits and new interests, but it doesn't heal my soul or my spirit. It doesn't lift me out of a foul mood and it doesn't inspire me. I guess what I'm saying is that learning about nature teaches my brain and that's all well and good. But being outside and experiencing nature through my own senses teaches my soul. And, for that, I will be eternally in awe.

Thoughts on this Fourth

So the Fourth of July, the American Independence Day, has come again. We have a new president for this one. In fact, for the first time in history, the United States of America will celebrate the fact that we don't speak with English accents with a black man serving as our chief. Oh, how the times have changed. Our country is still in a helluva a lot of trouble. It took eight years of idiocy, greed, shortsightedness and neo-conservative tunnel vision to get us into this mess. So it will naturally take more than half a year to get us out of it. I would like to think, as I'm sure we all would, that things will get better. I imagine they will. Real steps have recently been taken to get us the hell out of Iraq, which can be nothing but good in my opinion. The economy is still in the toilet but I know it won't stay there. Recessions have come and gone many times before and this one will eventually run its course. And while politics are always politics as usual, i.e. more bullshit than substance, I do have some hope for our future. Say what you will about Obama but at least he seems to have a genuinely intellectual brain as opposed to one nearly reduced to mush by cocaine, booze and a lifetime of indoctrination by Christian Conservatives.

I once said the Fourth of July is The Great American Fire Festival and I still hold to that. It is our celebration of freedom won by fire, by bullets and cannons. It is a celebration of fiery bravery, audacity and pure grit. It is a celebration of a momentous win achieved during the hottest, fieriest time of the year in this country. The Fourth may fall two weeks after the Summer Solstice but the heat, fire and strength of the sun is still plenty strong enough to heat up the air, the mind and the soul. Now, as then, its strength and power can help us overcome apparently insurmountable odds. It's only fitting that we mark the day with barbecues filled with sizzling and sumptuous foods. It makes perfect sense that as our forefathers fired guns and set off cannons we today create our own deafening explosions accompanied by brilliant flashes of sparkling, shining colors.

But let's not forget those who have no such cause for celebration. While we're grilling food over the fire or blowing up expensive pyrotechnics and generally enjoying good times with friends and family let's take time to remember those who are still fighting for freedom from tyranny, oppression and cruelty. Let's say a prayer for those wounded and dying, but still brave, student protesters in Iran. Let's ask our respective gods, spirits, guides, etc., to lend some of their support to those fighting for freedom all over the world. Let's give something of ourselves to help those folks who are fighting for independence right now. If we can't send money to support a cause, let's spread the message of their struggles. If we feel we can't reach anyone with our words let's work magic to help them continue the fight. If we can't help them in time let's pray that their passing was quick and painless. If their oppressors killed them slowly and brutally let's pray that their souls can move on from their most recent horrible deaths and perhaps enjoy better times in a future life. While we celebrate our freedom let's not forget those who don't have it.

I wish you a safe, happy, informed and aware holiday.

Image from the Flickrstream of Camera Slayer, licensed by Creative Commons.

Atrocities in Iran

The hideous image above is an untouched photo of a student protester in Iran. This brave young man is in a coma as a result of being beaten by the demons of the current Iranian government. If anyone ever wanted proof that Islamic folks can be just as good, passionate and decent as anyone else this is it. These people are facing what many call the worst atrocities since the Nazis because they feel their country has been illegally hijacked by hardliners.

In case you've been under a rock lately and haven't been following the news the recent election results in Iran were, to say the very, very least, questionable. They were reported and announced in an unprecedentedly strange way and, even after many questions were peacefully asked by powerful as well as regular folks no answers were given. Hundreds of thousands of people took to the streets in numbers not seen since the 1979 revolution. The largely peaceful protests, mostly by university students, became violent when the governmental forces began killing people out of hand.

To stay abreast of the happenings in Iran visit the Free Iran Facebook page.

P.S. Be sure to check out the comments; Mrs. B. points the way to a Twitter page about this very thing.