Under Construction Part II

Well, after receiving some great feedback from various readers I came to the conclusion that the worry I'd had from the beginning, about the readability of the text over the awesome background, was well founded. Yeah, the template was gorgeous but I should have stuck with my hard and fast rule against transparent templates.  It was great looking but it presented too many problems and really did make reading difficult. So, now I've changed templates again with no transparencies this time! I've yet to add my title image or any of my widgets but I'll keep at it.

You may also notice, or you may not, I dunno, that I've got a lot more posts  than I did last time you visited and that my label count looks a lot different and is now topped by "photography". Well, that's cuz I merged Sacred Spiral Creations, my photography (and sometime collage and occasionally textile craft) blog with this blog. It just makes sense to include my creative pursuits, such as they are, with Magic in These Hills which has, over the last year especially, become much more personal. So, if you are so inclined, please check out the new labels and see some of my so-called art. And, as always, feel free to offer some feedback about it! I'm hoping that getting those pictures and such out to more readers will inspire me and get me moving back into a creative mode.

Anyway, when I first started this blog I was dead set against including anything relating to my personal life. It was gonna be all business: mythological discussions, pagan issues in the news, witchcraft tools, ideas, ethics, etc. And while I've included all of that, and more, somewhere along the way I began including more and more personal stuff. I guess that was just a function of time as I began to make genuine friends throughout the blogosphere and felt the need to vent about my deteriorating family situation.

So, that's the news, that's the latest scoop. I'm pretty happy with this new layout: it reflects my personality with its firey swirls and spirals. I'd still like to know what you kind folks think of it, but I'm pretty sure I'll be sticking with it. I'd also like to fess up that I've been a terrible reader these last few months. As my urge to write slipped away from me any pleasure I got from reading the blogs of others was also stripped from me. So, for the time being, I'll refrain from adding a huge blog list. It's going to take me some time to (re)acquaint myself with my favorite, and new found, blogs. So, if you used to be in my blog list but aren't just yet, don't fret; I'll get to it! Thanks everyone for all of your kind words and patience over the last year or so. I'm back in the saddle again and it feels good!

Under Construction

Well, along with changes in my life, changes in my perspective on said life and changes in the seasons I felt the need to change the look and feel of my blog. So whaddaya think? I like it but I'm not sure how user-friendly it is for readers. I've never used a transparent template like this before and I want to be sure it's comfortably readable. To that end, I'd ask you to please take a moment and give me a "yay" or "nay". I'd like to know what you folks think before I go through the hassle of adding all of my pictures and links and widgets and such in the sidebar since Blogger deletes them with each template change. So, let me hear from you! And thanks.

Change is Good

I have a confession to make: My name is Livia Indica and I don't like Thanksgiving. In fact, I hate it. I've felt this way for most of my life but only recognized the reasons behind these feelings in the last ten years or so. It's a big frikkin' mess and worry and bother and stress and money spent and family irritations all to celebrate the subjugation and eventual extermination of nearly 20 million American Indians by militant invasion and disease. I know I'm not the only person who feels this way but that doesn't change anything or make the holidays, and all its headaches, any easier to handle.

"But that's not what I came to talk about. I came to talk about the draft."

Uh, I mean, I came to talk about change and how it can be a good, if painful, thing.

You see, I still don't like Thanksgiving Day all that much. It is my very least favorite of all secular or American or religious holidays, be they Christian or pagan or Spaghetti Monster-related, etc. But this Thanksgiving is different. This entire holiday season will be, and already is, different. Why? Well, to be quite blunt about it: there aren't any junkies doing everything they can to ruin it. It's amazing how people who can't accomplish anything useful, or much of anything at all, for years on end can still manage to ruin holidays for everyone around them. All it takes is a few choice words, a few thousand dollars stolen, a lack of consideration or participation and a general discourteous attitude to make everyone involved in the holiday feel like total shit.

And my family doesn't have to face that this year! Yay!

Sure, we're broke as hell. The junkies left us with a ton of drug-induced debt. We're worried about our loved one and what he's done to himself. But we are determined to have a happier holiday season than we've had the last two or three years. And while everything isn't perfect the mere fact that we are junkie-free will guarantee a pretty nice time for us. And I'm honestly excited and looking forward to it. So, here, have some traditional Thanksgiving Day carols.





And to all my American friends out there: Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your pumpkin pie and tryptophan-induced naps!

Welcome to the Mother

I'm really feeling my age this autumn. And it's a good thing, it really is. There has been sadness, rage and tremendous relief. The Samhain season, and all its implications, has been in full force around these hills as of late. My best buddy, of the furry kind, died after more than 14 years of companionship and love. Our parakeet, who lived a long life of ten years, died a few days later. Another part-time indoor kitty disappeared and, presumably, went off to die alone. These deaths weren't exactly unexpected but sad all the same. And there have many other things, situations, trials, attitudes and habits dying as well.

If you've followed my blog for very long you're probably aware of the junkie problem we've been suffering for several years now. Well, that is now over and we are free. I won't bore you with the gory family details but I will say that now that the melodramatic screaming is over and most of the moving is done I, and the rest of family, feel a whole helluva lot better. There are still some serious issues to be dealt with and worried over and eventually - hopefully - worked out. But the energy level and the over all vibe of my home is vastly improved.

It's as if an enormous weight has been removed from my shoulders. It's as if the foot that was driving me, and my family, into the ground is gone and gone forever. And now that we are free of the destructive toxicity of overwhelming greed, endless lies, disloyalty, selfishness and thoughtlessness we are learning to live again. The world looks and feels different to me now that I can stand up straight and see with clear eyes. I know it's really me that's done the changing. It's as if my senses, my creativity and my magical sensibilities are waking up after several years of a depression so deep I didn't think I could ever dig my way out of it.

My old tendency to self-pity is mostly gone now. It's a time and energy wasting activity that accomplishes nothing worthwhile. The sweet, sensitive girl is long, long gone. In place of the Maiden is a much harder bitch goddess. The trials of the last few years, as painful and frustrating as they were, have toughened me up quite a lot. I don't even take much medication anymore. It's as if I really have gone through the fire and come out stronger for it. Horrible cliche that, but it's true.

I've been noticing a few white hairs lately and am slowly moving into the Alpha female position in my family. It's strange and yet completely expected and, in a weird way, fascinating. I've become firmly ensconced in the ranks of adulthood and am enjoying my membership in the club. I don't have actual children of my own. But I am the caregiver of my family. I'm the one who runs the household and makes sure everyone eats and has clean clothes, clean beds, etc. I said farewell to the Maiden some time ago, I know. Now I think I'm ready for the next step. Welcome to the Mother.

Lack of Cycles

I've never had anything in my life that could be called a cycle. I don't seem to have any kind of internal clock that regulates either sleep, menstrual periods, mood, energy or anything that's supposed to follow a regular time frame. Humans have all kinds of clocks that just don't seem to function properly for me. Most of it's wrapped up in my head: chemicals that aren't produced in the appropriate amount or messages that don't get sent through the proper connections.

For instance, we are supposed to have an internal clock that regulates sleep and, usually, makes us want to sleep at night and be up and about during the day. I've never had this. I've always preferred being awake at night but never known, from day to day, if I would be. One day I'll be awake for 20 hours straight and sleep all day and the next I'll sleep 8 hours during the night and be up 18 hours during the day and the next I'll sleep 12 hours through the afternoon and night and wake up at 3 in the morning and be up 'til the next afternoon. And I've always been like this. Even during the times of my life when I had a regular job or regular classes I didn't have a normal sleeping schedule. I could work or study at the same hours day after day and my hours of sleep could still vary by as many as 4 to 6 hours or more.

I've never had a regular menstrual cycle either. (If you're a squeamish man who likes to pretend women don't bleed I'd recommend skipping this paragraph.) I got my first period a month after I turned 10 and the most regular I've ever been was when I was around the age of 15; I would bleed every 40-60 days. For those first ten years I would have such horrible menstrual cramps that I'd miss school and spend a day in bed moaning and crying and puking, but I could never predict when this would happen and never plan my life around it. My periods only got weirder as I got older; I've had a period last 9 months and I've gone over a year and a half with no period at all. And I'm only 32 so it's not menopause; it's just hormone weirdness.

I've never had anything approaching a predictable energy level or mood either. One day I'm bouncing off the walls and dancing to the music and the next I can barely drag myself up to take care of the basic necessities of the day. I can be writing away and grinning like an idiot for several days in a row and then damn near suicidal for the next few weeks. Bipolar really is a bitch, no other way to say it, and I don't even have the more serious form of it. I can't imagine what it's like for those whose bipolar forces them into hospitalization.

Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about all that, I came to talk about the moon. What all this has been leading up to is a theory I've recently thunked up. I think a large part of my attraction to the moon is its predictable cycle: new and dark, waxing, full, waning, new and dark, rinse and repeat. No matter what crazy shit my mind and body are up to I can always count on the moon to be doing its thing in the same steady patten it's been following for millions of years.

Even if my sleeping "schedule" has kept me from seeing her for a while I can always count on the moon to be in the phase I'm expecting. No matter how hyper and tense and nervous or depressed and sluggish I feel I can always look up and know what the moon is doing. The moon is beautiful, luminous, inspirational and dependable. She has, and always will be, a great comfort to me. Luna is the ultimate goddess.

Busy with This and That

I've been suffering from bloggers block as well as a general tiredness of the mind, body and soul lately. It's true, at least in my case, that physical work drains energy not just from the body but from the brain. I've been busy with lots of housework, canning vegetables and trying to keep my family together while at the same time wishing I could break free from it. I spend most of my internet time surfing music sites and playing around: I don't have the energy or brain power for much else, certainly not for deep thought. Hopefully this will change soon. For now though, perhaps I just need a little break.

Coming in for a Landing

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

I saw this sunset and immediately thought of a giant space ship coming in for a landing kinda like in the too-often played Independence Day. I don't know the cause for the dark streaks but it sure makes for some amazing imagery. They looks almost like smoke trails to me, like exhaust fumes.