27 September 2007
I don't know why but often when I'm gazing at the moon the trees will form a perfect natural frame for her. I'll be walking around, either with the dogs or by myself, and look up to see the moon clearly visible between branches. As I walk around the yard many times during the night, and day, this phenomenon happens quite a lot. Maybe 'phenomenon' is the wrong word. It has the connotation of a happy accident, an interesting coincidence. And, as a witch, I think it's more than that. Gazing at the moon, meditating on her influence, thinking about the various deities connected with her and how all of those things relate to me personally is the one constant in my life. I have always done it. Long before I created an altar or a magical book I was worshiping the moon. When I was attending Baptist church services in high school during my attempt-to-get-religion phase I was speaking with the moon on a regular basis.
During the lowest points in my life I communed with her and found some sense of peace. When my brother was in the hospital after his psychotic break I found solace in the wonder of a lunar eclipse. When I suffered from crippling, paralyzing depression, and eventually stopped feeling altogether, during the low points of my bipolar disorder she was there to serve as a beacon of hope. When I got a little older and said disorder took me to the heights of mania she gave me a sense of calm. And no matter where I was living, I could almost always count on seeing her through tree branches that seemed to have soaked up the sunlight just so they could showcase her reflective glory. There are times when I wonder if I could do more as a witch, or as a neopagan. It's the human condition to doubt and I am not immune to it. I sometimes wonder if I'm not a very good witch/neopagan because I don't always make a big deal out of the holydays, or because I don't read every book I can get my hands on like I once did. Is my practice a serious one even though I don't light my candles every day? Am I a bad neopagan because I don't pray every day? These kinds of questions will occasionally get me down, especially when I somewhat foolishly compare myself to other neopagans. But when it comes down to it, all I really need is to take a midnight walk and I'm right where I need to be: in the embrace of the moon.