Beliefs After Death

Several examples of words of wisdom have been running through my head lately. "Your thoughts make your reality" is the most prevalent. And what I've gotten to wondering about is how our thoughts and beliefs affect us after we die. For instance, if we firmly, truly, sincerely think and believe in every fiber of our beings that we will reincarnate as a human, does the strength of our thoughts make it happen? I can also turn it around and look at it from an Abrahamic perspective. If an individual truly thinks and believes they are going to hell does the power of their mind actually cause it to happen?

I've been wondering about this since I began taking a closer look at humorous bits about the afterlife. For instance, Bill Hicks, who was a consummate smoker, has a bit about arriving at heaven and being asked "Got a light"? He's later told by Saint Peter that "these aren't clouds, this is cigarette smoke" and that all the non-smokers are in hell. This is just one example that has got me thinking lately.

If our thoughts define the reality of our daily lives wouldn't it stand to reason that those thoughts would create the reality of our afterlives as well? Or is the power of our thoughts only tied to our physical bodies? And, if so, how does this relate to the mind/body connection? As you can see I've got more questions than answers so I'm eager to learn what my readers and fellow bloggers think.

Lodestone and Lightning

Lodestones, or loadstones, are magnetites that have been intensely magnetized by the magnetic fields surrounding lightning strikes. They consist of two different minerals: wustite and the familiar hematite. They are the most naturally magnetic mineral on the planet and act as permanent magnets to attract and magnetize iron. (But if you want a piece of lodestone don't assume you can find it at your area's gemstone and mineral show; I learned that lesson. All they could offer me was hematite which is nice but not the same.) Lodestone has had a long, fascinating history of use among ancient pagans as well as modern scientists. Lodestones were an immense help to the ancients as they were used in compasses. They can also be utilized in the study of plate tectonics. Interestingly enough, they were employed in various ancient temple magic tricks.

You see, back in the old days, there were a lot of gods, via priests, vying for the attentions and donations of the public. And one of the methods of attracting worshipers was to have engineers design magnificent creations to be used in the temples. I learned about these amazing feats of gimmickry from The History Channel Ancient Discoveries: Machines of the Gods. From the site:

Alexandria became the centre of this temple trickery. Writers from all over the ancient world flocked to document the strange devices. There are tantalising glimpses from the ancient texts which reveal some of the types of temple machines which were in operation. One of the most famous illusions was to be found at the Temple of Serapis, where an iron chariot hung suspended in mid air. The spectacle appeared to be the work of the gods. In fact, it is believed that a giant lodestone was suspended from the ceiling which would have made the iron chariot appear to be floating by an act of god. The trickery worked, attracting many new visitors to the temple.

The tone of the show is slightly condescending in terms of the gullibility of the worshipers but I'm too fascinated by the ancient inventions to care all that much. There were doors that opened automatically when an individual approached. There were statues of goddesses that seemed to pour out life-giving milk. There were rotating dancers and dragons that moaned as water pressure forced an arrow to shoot them. And the list goes on. If you have the opportunity I highly recommend you check out the show; it's worth it!

Anyway, back to lodestones. Even though I find the ancient uses of lodestone interesting my main concern is their use within hoodoo. Lodestones must be "fed" periodically with magnetic sand to keep them from "starving", magically speaking. They can be used for a variety of different spells depending on their size and their "gender" (more on that in a bit). Single large lodestones are used draw luck or money. Small, gravel-sized stones are carried singly or in pairs in mojo bags to attract love and luck. The very smallest lodestones are submerged in oils to be used for later spellwork.

Paired lodestones, either female/male, male/male or female/female are used in love and fidelity spells. A "male" lodestone is pyramidal or pointed and a "female" lodestone is cubicle or rounded. Generally speaking, paired lodestones should be about the same size and should "fit" together. According to Lucky Mojo:

The matching process consists of sprinkling the lodestones very lightly with magnetic sand to visually reveal their magnetic polarities, and then, by trial and error, finding pairs in which two edges join together well along their planar, convex, or concave surfaces AND also have the proper positive-negative charges that allow them to "draw" or attract along these selected surfaces.

I've always had a thing for hematite as well as any kind of earthbound object produced or affected by lightning, like fulgurite. And, this just occurred to me, I guess this means I have ties to Zeus/Jupiter, specifically Jupiter Fulgurator, as he is the god of lightning. Perhaps I should look at him more closely. I've read that, according to some American Indians and others, it's bad luck to burn lightning struck wood in a fire or stove. But I wonder about using lightning struck wood to, for example, make a ritual tool? It's been touched by a bit of the heavens and, while it obviously wouldn't be magnetized, I figure it would still have some powerful qualities attached to it.

What do you think of lightning in terms of its magical effects?

Banishing Update

After much thought and consideration I have decided not to employ the use of graveyard dirt, and its accompanying spirit, in a banishing spell. There's just too many aspects about it that make me uncomfortable. Surprisingly, the bit I have the least problem with is the idea of using actual soil from a dead person's grave. That didn't make me squeamish or give me the willies or anything. I was much more worried about the living seeing me buying the dirt and raising a ruckus. In fact, you would be justified in calling me chickenshit in that respect. I was really, really worried about being arrested. I could just see myself on the front page of our little local paper "Local Woman Disturbs Grave" followed by an spine tingling article on the evils of modern witchcraft.

More importantly, I've never worked directly with any kind of spirit and I felt that the spirit of a dead stranger was probably not the best way to begin using that kind of magic. In fact, I'm not sure how I feel about employing any kind of spirit for any kind of magic. Don't get me wrong, I fully support anyone who wishes to employ a spirit. But, for me personally I think I prefer using rocks and stones and altogether material, earthbound things. I'm a watery, earthy person with very earthy magical tastes. I'd much rather take a walk in the woods and use what I find on the ground in a magical working. I'd much rather invoke the strength of the deer whose antler I've found than call on someone I've read about in a book or found in a graveyard. I've always been that way and I guess I always will.

I was also uncomfortable with my attempts to tweak the traditional hoodoo usages of graveyard dirt to assuage my fears. I had considered using the dirt from the grave of my grandmother or a lost pet for a banishing spell but that doesn't really fit the bill according to the history of hoodoo. Graveyard dirt from a particularly feisty person, like a soldier or policeman, would have suited that kind of magic best. And I just wasn't comfortable with the idea of employing a stranger.

With one thing and the other, I've decided not to use graveyard dirt. The only way I could make myself feel at ease about it was to adulterate the tradition somewhat and that just isn't cool. As I said in my previous post about graveyard dirt: "It is what it is and if you can't handle that you've got no business dealing with it." So, I've decided to take my own advice.

Rather, I'm going to stick with what I know best, that is, the mojo bag. I've been making these for ages, since long before I ever read about hoodoo and knew they had a name. I use little bags of all sorts though as I've never had any flannel handy for cutting up. I fill them with various herbs, stones and minerals, charms pertinent to my intention and seal them with wax and breathe life into them. I used to breathe cannabis smoke on them but since I can't do that anymore I'll feed them with incense smoke. After the initial spell working I keep them around my person for a while before entrusting them to the soil of the Earth Mother. They've always worked for me and I figure there's no sense trying out an entirely new form of magic just because I've got a different sort of intention. So, I'll stick with what I feel most comfortable and let you know the results.

P.S. For those of you who may be wondering, my hand is a lot better. It still gets sore but there's been vast improvement. FYI: in a battle between human hand and basset hound jaws and teeth, the basset hound wins. That big, long snout is powerful!

Inauguration Day

I know he's got many people, myself included, feeling hopeful. I think I'll echo Hecate and say "Don't fuck up". Watching the news today I've choked up several times. One particular moment that stands out was a brief interview with an older black man. Hours before the ceremony he said "I was born and raised in Alabama so you know what I'm doing here!" I don't know if today is the fulfillment of King's dream or just the beginning of the fulfillment of his dream. Either way, it's an historic day worth celebrating.

Congratulation Mr. President! Here's hoping your good intentions come to fruition!

MLK: In the Name of Love

From the Letter from a Birmingham Jail:

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial "outside agitator" idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds...We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed...We have waited for more than 340 years for our constitutional and God given rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jetlike speed toward gaining political independence, but we still creep at horse and buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say, "Wait." But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate filled policemen curse, kick and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six year old daughter why she can't go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five year old son who is asking: "Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?"; when you take a cross county drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading "white" and "colored"; when your first name becomes "nigger," your middle name becomes "boy" (however old you are) and your last name becomes "John," and your wife and mother are never given the respected title "Mrs."; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of "nobodiness"--then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait. There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair...Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever. The yearning for freedom eventually manifests itself, and that is what has happened to the American Negro. Something within has reminded him of his birthright of freedom, and something without has reminded him that it can be gained. Consciously or unconsciously, he has been caught up by the Zeitgeist, and with his black brothers of Africa and his brown and yellow brothers of Asia, South America and the Caribbean, the United States Negro is moving with a sense of great urgency toward the promised land of racial justice. If one recognizes this vital urge that has engulfed the Negro community, one should readily understand why public demonstrations are taking place. The Negro has many pent up resentments and latent frustrations, and he must release them. So let him march; let him make prayer pilgrimages to the city hall; let him go on freedom rides -and try to understand why he must do so. If his repressed emotions are not released in nonviolent ways, they will seek expression through violence; this is not a threat but a fact of history...Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear drenched communities, and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love and brotherhood will shine over our great nation with all their scintillating beauty.

Yours for the cause of Peace and Brotherhood, Martin Luther King, Jr.

Growing Pains

So if your read many pagan blogs you're likely familiar with Deo's Shadow, a popular pagan podcast, and the fact that it's two creators have switched to atheism. There are so many posts about this that it would take forever to link them. Just check out The Wild Hunt to find a few and that will get you on your way if you haven't already read about it. Apparently, this change in two apparently well-known pagans (that I've never heard of btw) has caused a little uproar. There's talk of folks outgrowing paganism and of paganism having no coherent community. Some have explained/complained that all the magic and worship and general weirdness of paganism is pointless. Some have said they couldn't get a scientific grasp on paganism and so left it behind them. And on and on and on. And some formerly die hard pagans have, for some reason, been hit pretty hard by this. They're feeling the need to re-examine their beliefs, or something like that. Personally, I don't get the big deal. So some folks who were pagan aren't anymore? Who cares? We are all walking a comparatively new path and there are bound to be dabblers who drift in for a while, some for shallow reasons, some with all sincerity, and eventually drift out. Why does this cause people to doubt themselves and their pagan path?

It makes me wonder how many of us have studied the early years of Christianity. If you haven't given that fascinating period in history a look lately, or ever, let me just tell you: it was a mess. People didn't understand what was going on because no one knew what they were doing. It was all new to them and they were creating a religion from the ground up. They started form scratch. They had less to work with than neopagans as we have a rich history of ancient paganism to study. The rituals of mass and all that didn't spring up out of the ground; they took years to become entrenched. The organization and power of the Christians didn't rise up from out of nowhere. People drifted into Christianity because it was different, because it was new or because it spoke to them. And not all of them stuck with it. And lookee at what those early Christians created: a religion that has dominated for 2000 years! I'm not saying neopaganism will do the same but what I am saying is that we've just got to expect these kinds of things. Just because these events are new to neopaganism doesn't mean they are new in the larger sense. Of course we don't have much coherence. Of course we don't have much of an established community. How could we? There are only a few of us and many of us are very far flung.

I imagine in big cities and in places like California there are a lot of pagan-y, magical people to form a community so maybe they have a different perspective. But, lest we forget, the greater part of this country is not very densely populated. Yes, I'm talking about the Midwest and the Bible Belt. I'm smack in the middle of it and I can tell you there are very few pagans around here. In my entire county there are maybe 6 pagans that I know of and probably not many more than that in the closet. We can't form much of a coherent community because, well, it's hard to galvanize a movement consisting of only 2 or 3 involved people. This is just a microcosmic example but do you see what I'm getting at? There just aren't enough of us yet to be called a movement in the true sense of the word. And I imagine that neopagans in other countries face the same lack of numbers issue that Americans face. We haven't been around long enough; there just aren't that many of us. Compared to the age of religions throughout history ours is still very young. Neopaganism is a child; we've got to expect some growing pains.

Graveyard Dirt for Magic

[Most of the following facts can be found at Lucky Mojo. And while my opinions and ideas are liberally sprinkled throughout the ultimate source is the Lucky Mojo page. I'm blogging about this mostly for my own sake; once I write about something I have a much firmer hold on it.]

I'm researching various magical methods of removing a particularly negative person from my life and that of my family. One of the things I'm currently thinking about a lot is the use of graveyard dirt in folk magic, specifically hoodoo. In hoodoo there are three uses for graveyard dirt: for protection work, for a trick involving an enemy and love spells. But there's more to using graveyard dirt than just the trick at hand. First of all, you've got to realize that by using dirt from a grave you are invoking the spirit of the deceased. You are seeking to employ the spirit of a dead person to do magical work for you. You must be prepared for this. If you use dirt from the grave of one who died violently, for instance, there's no knowing what kind of result you'll get. Some say that if you use dirt from the grave of a child the spirit will be more docile. Still others say that the grave dirt from a child will be weak, magically speaking. Most of the time, you just can't be sure. According to the Lucky Mojo section on graveyard dirt:

Unless the spirit of a grave mentally reaches out to you first -- which often happens -- the only way to learn what that spirit will or will not do for you is to approach the grave, state your proposal, and *listen* to what you are told.

If possible it is beneficial to decide, based on your intent, whose grave dirt you'll need. If you're intent involves love, protection or something positive for yourself then it's considered best to use dirt from the grave of a loved one who will kindly work for you. If you wish to do harm you might consider the grave dirt from an individual who was unjustly executed and would be filled with a desire for vengeance. The grave dirt belonging to a soldier is said to be particularly brave, strong and obedient. It really depends on your intent and what you can learn about the deceased.

Once you've made your decision, or been invited to a particular grave, you must buy the dirt. By doing this you are also employing that spirit to help you in your endeavor. There are several different forms of payment according to hoodoo lore. Some say a bright, shiny dime is appropriate, some say three pennies, some say 13 pennies, and some say a shot of booze. At any rate, the price is minimal. It is the asking and the gesture of offering payment that seems to be important.

As an aside, there is a weird story perpetuated by some new age authors that the term "graveyard dirt" is a euphemism for mullein or other herbs and has been such for hundreds of years. This is total bullshit. There are several problems with this "theory". First of all, this idea sprang from occult suppliers in the 1940s that feared the legal problems involved with interstate commerce and grave tampering and so discontinued offering real grave dirt through their catalogs. One could still buy grave dirt at a local shop, or through the local root worker, but not through the mail. What's more, there are many accounts of the use of actual, factual graveyard dirt.

Against a few modern white authors claiming that "graveyard dirt" is a secret code for mullein herb, we have evidence that the folklorist Harry M. Hyatt interviewed hundreds of black people in the late 1930s who told him the proper ways they knew to collect and pay for graveyard dirt -- and NONE of them mentioned mullein.

Take the dirt from the seventh grave from the gates, they told him, or from the third grave on the left, or from any grave; make sure you get it from the grave of a murderer, from the grave of a baby, or from the grave of someone who loved you; collect it at the foot of the grave, the head of the grave, from the head and foot both, from over the corpse's heart; pay for it with a dime, with three pennies, with a measure of rum, with a measure of whiskey; dig it with a silver spoon, dig it by hand only and use no tools -- their instructions vary, but they ALL are speaking quite frankly of literal graveyard dirt -- some even calling it "that old yellow graveyard clay."

The reason this myth has been perpetuated into the modern neopagan movement is kind of tricky. See, Europeans and Americans of European descent have a cultural taboo against messing with graves. And part of their way of dealing with that is to rewrite traditions from other cultures to make them more palatable. This is, in a word, bullshit. It is what it is and if you can't handle that you've got no business dealing with it. The way I figure it grinding up dried mullein or using talcum powder can in no way substitute for the employment of a spirit who will work for you. That seems to be a no-brainer. So, if some author makes the claim that the term "graveyard dirt" is a euphemism you can be sure they are only regurgitating what the unlearned have told them, have no real scholarship to back up this claim and are full of shit. Oh yeah, and they're probably in it for the money and their magic isn't very effective.

So, that's the basics regarding the magical uses of graveyard dirt in hoodoo. And while I think it sounds very worthwhile I have a dilemma. I live in a teeny tiny town with more churches than stores. And while I happen to live just down the road from a cemetery just across the quiet, little road are a whole slew of newly built houses full of yuppies. And I'm quite nervous about being seen, questioned and perhaps even arrested. There's actually another tiny graveyard a little closer to me, but it's fenced off out in a field. It's one of those little old family plots from an old farming family. I find those to be the most interesting cemeteries as they're usually very old and only include a half-dozen or so graves. I would like to perhaps use dirt from that particular spot but it's totally inaccessible. So, I'm in a conundrum.

After rereading the Lucky Mojo page about graveyard dirt I came across something I apparently skimmed over the first few times.

An African-American candle store owner in Oakland, California, back in the 1960s -- said to use the dirt from the grave of someone who had loved you in life. He said, "Your grandmother, mother, father; your lover, husband, or wife who passed on before you -- you get dirt from THEIR grave only, and not from anywhere on the grave either, but from over the HEART."

When I told him that all my relatives who had died were buried far away and I could not get to their graves, he said, "Everybody has had at least ONE person to love them, even if it was just a little yellow spotted dog." I told him I had once had a cat who loved me and that I knew where she was buried. "Then you can use the dirt from her grave," he said.

Now, the above is in reference to a love spell but I've been thinking about it and decided that I think I would prefer to use the grave dirt of some person or animal who had loved me for this, or any, working involving grave dirt. It just seems that, no matter what the magical intent, a loved one would be much more willing to work for me than a total stranger. Also, this idea of using grave dirt from a pet's grave could make things easier. Being that I have always lived in a zoo-like environment with many, many critters we have our own little graveyard. And as I consider animals to be just as important as humans I don't see why their spirits couldn't be of magical help. That said I'm also considering approaching my maternal grandmothers grave in the next town over. I feel pretty certain that she would be willing to help me with this particular problem. So, I've got some thinking and deciding to do.

What do you think?

Magic to Repel an Enemy

Without sharing too many gory, and somewhat boring, details I find myself in the position of wanting to rid myself, my home and my family of a very negative, poisonous leech-like person. I haven't talked about spell work much in the last year and there is a good reason for this: I've been so emotionally victimized that I've felt broken and helpless and incapable of working magic. I've prayed a lot but I have barely touched my altar in over a year. I haven't lit a ritual candle and I haven't picked up a gemstone or crystal except to clean it. I haven't done a lot of things because I just honestly feared/felt there was nothing I could do in the face of such overwhelming greed, self-centeredness, selfishness, discourteousness, laziness and general disregard for anyone unwilling to shell out more money for drugs. I kept waiting/hoping things would get better and instead they've only gotten worse.

Well, I've made a decision: no more of this shit. This person has got to go. Or, at the very least, this version of this person has got to go. I've spent the last year waiting for the situation to improve on its own and it hasn't happened. A year is long enough; its time for some magical intervention. So I've decided to employ what some people would call "negative" or "black" magic in order to make this person change or make this person leave. To me, a student of hoodoo, this is not an evil or taboo idea. It is what it is and it is necessary to preserve what's left of my family. I'm no longer of the mind that it is best to turn the other cheek. Anyone who has ever been grossly taken advantage of by a so-called loved one knows that turning the other cheek to preserve the peace can and will eventually turn into becoming a career or serial victim. Well, I'm sick and fucking tired of being the victim.

Now, before anyone starts commenting about the free will of others I have the following little rant to share. I don't think I ever was of the opinion that one should never seek to influence the will of another person through magic. Why shouldn't we use magic to influence the will of others? We try to influence the will of others through mundane means every day. Don't believe me? You ever try to talk your spouse into attending a gathering for someone they disliked? You ever try to convince your boss to give you a raise or a schedule change? You ever try to get your kids to eat their veggies? Ever try to get someone you love to stop doing drugs? You see where I'm going with this? We influence the will of others all the time through mundane means. Some people do it constantly, all day long as part of their jobs. By typing these words I'm trying to influence your will, dear reader, by attempting to bring you over to my way of thinking right now. We use words, reason, logic, body language, gestures, tone of voice, examples etc. to influence the will of others all the time. Why shouldn't we include magic in our arsenal of persuasive techniques? To exclude magic from our methods of persuasion is downright silly in my eyes. Also, don't bother telling me that this kind of magic goes against the Wiccan Rede because I honestly don't care. I'm not Wiccan. I'm not even Wiccan-esque. Using the Wiccan Rede to convert or condemn me is just as pointless as overzealous Christians throwing Bible quotes at any type of pagan. It does not compute; it is irrelevant. And, lest you wonder, I'm not planning magic to bring any harm to this person. I merely want this person to either change their ways or go away and leave my family in the peace we had before this person came along.

Now, normally when I work magic I create the ritual and spell out of thin air. Or, rather, I consult my pineal gland and use what I have on hand. I've always detested the idea of copying, word for word and ingredient for ingredient, the exact workings of another. I make up a rhyming chant, I make use of readily available gemstones, crystals or rocks, I use some herbs that I grew in my own garden, I light my altar candles and tea candles, I put on my ritual music, I invoke the elements, ask for the blessings of my patron deities and I go to town. But this time is a little different. Firstly, I'm out of practice; my confidence isn't at its highest. Secondly, I'm wounded in spirit. Thirdly, I've never wanted to do a working of this sort before. Sure, I've worked a little magic revolving around a specific person before but never something that was so important for the well being of my family. Never have I deliberately set out to get rid of someone. So, this will require some extra thought. This will require some research. And for that, I'll head over to Lucky Mojo for some ideas. Stay tuned.

Of Divination and Smoke

For a long time I had something of a love/hate relationship with divination. Or, rather, a passing fancy/general dislike for said art. Try as I might I just cannot develop an interest in either Tarot or Runes. I was given a nice set of each as gifts years and years ago and tried for quite a while to "get a feel" for them. I read, I studied, I meditated, I drew cards and drew runes and drew and drew to no avail. I made interpretations based on the words and works of others. And I went with my gut and my pineal gland and made my own interpretations. I tried and worked and tried, for years. Eventually, I got tired of trying to force something that just wasn't happening and put the cards and runes aside and went on to seek another method. Perhaps my disinclination for cards and runes makes me an atypical, or uncool, witch but I don't really care.

My next method was by pendulum. I have a pendulum that I've dedicated some time and effort towards mastering. And, given its lack of specific images and its wonderful earthiness, it should work better for me. It's a very beautiful hematite pendulum with a nice, comfortable weight to it. But, like the cards and runes, I've had a very hard time developing a relationship with it so I put it away with the Tarot cards and the Runes. I eventually concluded that perhaps this witch just isn't made for divination at all. But I was wrong.

It was, purely by accident, that I discovered my preferred mode of divination: smoke scrying. I was under the influence of my favorite herb and got lost in the smoke of an incense stick. And I started to see things, visions some people would call them. Ideas, thoughts and symbols abounded! I learned more from, say, 6 months of smoke scrying than 2 years of working with cards or runes. Alas, I no longer have the opportunity to enjoy the blessings of my favorite herb (money: it's a bitch) so I haven't been able to to see things in smoke as I once did.

I've tried scrying with the smoke of other things but they just don't work. And, call it "sour grapes" if you will but, without my favorite sacred herb I can't seem to reach that "just right" head space anyway. The smoke from the fireplace just isn't the same. It's a different kind of smoke. Not to mention the fact that our open fireplace is in the living room with the damn television which can really play havoc with attempts to get in touch with one's higher self. And the little bit of smoke that a candle produces doesn't do it for me either. I need a thick stream of fragrant smoke that lasts, uninterrupted, for at least 20 minutes. And I need my Green Goddess.

So, I'm back to where I was before: stuck. I feel the call but haven't a method. I miss my smoke, in more ways than one. I'm a Cancer by birth and a very watery person whose emotions often run away from me. What's more, I'm a bipolar Cancer so my roller coaster emotions can make my life truly hellish. Up until I started smoking and then smoke scrying water, and emotions, dominated me (and, no, water scrying isn't for me either) and I felt the absence of the other elements quite keenly. Smoking and smoke scrying really helped me balance things out; I was on a much more even keel. There's a lot less fire, earth and air in my life than there was up until this time last year. This writing is one way of trying to accept that sad, depressing and infuriating fact. For over five years I had a lot of wonderful smoky air, via the herb and incense, in my life--and now it's gone. I guess I'm whining. I'm trying not to be bitter but can't really help it as my current financial hell was not of my doing.

When I think back on those beautiful and enlightening times I can't help but smile a bittersweet smile. It's sad, but a smile all the same. I guess I'm grateful for those times. So, I'll send a "thank you" out into the universe for the years when I did have the blessings of other elements in my life. I don't get to enjoy the benefits of the sacred herb anymore and there are no more visions. But that wasn't always the case. And for that I am thankful.