I've had a lot of shit go down in recent years and as it progressed, and got worse, I worked magic less and less. Now, as I look back, I realize I haven't worked magic in over 3 years. I've spoken to the moon, I've prayed, I've begged mercy of the gods but I haven't lit candles and gathered tools, raised and focused energy or any of it in ages. I wonder if I even remember how to do it; I imagine (hope) it's like riding a bike and it will come back to me. It's going to take some rehabilitation to get me back in the swing of things. I feel the need to brush up on just about everything. I feel the need to read through lots of funky spells on Lucky Mojo. I feel the need to gather all my magical tools, my gemstones and minerals, my candles, my mojo bags and all my stuff and just start creating. I'm so far gone I don't even have a particular goal in mind. I just feel the need to do something and reclaim my status as the witch of the family.
It's funny how sorrow and rage and grief can just totally bog me down so that I no longer feel capable of working magic. It's been as if so much of my attention has been focused on all the bad stuff happening in recent years that I forgot I could take steps to improve it. Or maybe I've been hurting so bad that I felt no amount of magic could make any difference. There's a lot of reasons tied up with the issue I suppose. There's only so many lies, and instances of theft, and general shitty treatment this witch can take before my magical conduit to the stars/gods/spirits gets clogged up with pain.
I'm hoping this will soon change. I feel the need to empower myself even if I just do a small candle spell or something else simple and sweet. I'm not ready for a full out, scripted, choreographed ritual, not that I've ever done many of those anyway. I want, no, I need simplicity more than ever. If I try to overdo it I may just scare myself away from doing magic at all. But first it's off to study, to read, to learn and soak up some magical information and maybe get some inspiration. Here I go!
4 comments:
I certainly understand your feelings. I went through a similar situation - so much stuff going on in my life too and I went several years of not actually doing magic.
I also came to realise that this in itself was a magical act, allowing the experience of the events to create some kind of alchemical change. so the magic being done was to me within rather than external.
Eventually (several years along)I also came out of it like you are here. And like you I felt the need to go back to basics. Its the strongest foundation you can build yourself on. xx
Have a great new magical beginning! You are going to do great! We are all lost in the mundane, but when you swim, back to the surface of the magick, it feels like you never stopped being there. IT is like riding a bike!Brightest blessings from across the world!
You're not alone. I can most definitely relate, and interestingly enough, the time period has been about the same for lack of magickal mojo. I've recently been doing the same as what you mentioned as a way to move back into the flow; read, study, soaking up as much magickal info as possible and it's working to a certain extent. Inspiration is coming back and I've done one or two very simple candle spells. I also have a ton of things I'm working on as far as writing. Whether I'll publish them on my blog is another story. ;)
Best of luck to you, Livia!
It's good to know I'm not alone in this. The encouragement means a lot, thanks!
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