Thoughts For the Season

I took this image more than a week ago and I think it's got some brilliant red colors to enjoy and mark the important, but often forgotten, point of the whole season of holidays: the return of the sun after the longest night of the year. Unfortunately, my monitor crapped out on me and I've had to temporarily replace it with an ancient Compaq monitor that only has 32 bit color. So, I'm not quite sure if this photo is very red or not. Either way I seem to remember liking this image, so I hope you do too!

I read on The Wild Hunt how some 300 people came to Stonehenge to celebrate the Solstice on the wrong day and I just couldn't believe it. Or, rather, I was incredibly dismayed by it. I know I'm a hardass about celebrating the solstices, equinoxes and cross quarters at the right time (I don't celebrate Samhain on Halloween, for example, but on the actual cross quarter which usually occurs a full week after Halloween) but come on folks! You call yourselves pagans? And you didn't even realize that our holydays are based on astronomical events and thus don't always occur on the same calendar date? You know so little about what it means to be pagan that it never once occurred to you to check the date? I wish I could meet those folks and slap them silly! I guess I wouldn't have to slap them silly since they are already! Okay, stepping off soapbox now.

I stayed up all night on Yule and kept the fireplaces and candles burning all night. I like the idea of making it a tradition; it's a beautiful way to not only recognize the solstice but show respect for the sun. I've read before how keeping candles/lights burning all during the Yule night will help draw the sun back or otherwise help the sun find its way back. I don't think the sun needs our help but I like the idea showing my support. There's also that little fact of it being seriously cold to encourage one to keep fires going!

Here's hoping you and yours stay warm and happy during this season and all the years to come!

Lack of Cycles

I've never had anything in my life that could be called a cycle. I don't seem to have any kind of internal clock that regulates either sleep, menstrual periods, mood, energy or anything that's supposed to follow a regular time frame. Humans have all kinds of clocks that just don't seem to function properly for me. Most of it's wrapped up in my head: chemicals that aren't produced in the appropriate amount or messages that don't get sent through the proper connections.

For instance, we are supposed to have an internal clock that regulates sleep and, usually, makes us want to sleep at night and be up and about during the day. I've never had this. I've always preferred being awake at night but never known, from day to day, if I would be. One day I'll be awake for 20 hours straight and sleep all day and the next I'll sleep 8 hours during the night and be up 18 hours during the day and the next I'll sleep 12 hours through the afternoon and night and wake up at 3 in the morning and be up 'til the next afternoon. And I've always been like this. Even during the times of my life when I had a regular job or regular classes I didn't have a normal sleeping schedule. I could work or study at the same hours day after day and my hours of sleep could still vary by as many as 4 to 6 hours or more.

I've never had a regular menstrual cycle either. (If you're a squeamish man who likes to pretend women don't bleed I'd recommend skipping this paragraph.) I got my first period a month after I turned 10 and the most regular I've ever been was when I was around the age of 15; I would bleed every 40-60 days. For those first ten years I would have such horrible menstrual cramps that I'd miss school and spend a day in bed moaning and crying and puking, but I could never predict when this would happen and never plan my life around it. My periods only got weirder as I got older; I've had a period last 9 months and I've gone over a year and a half with no period at all. And I'm only 32 so it's not menopause; it's just hormone weirdness.

I've never had anything approaching a predictable energy level or mood either. One day I'm bouncing off the walls and dancing to the music and the next I can barely drag myself up to take care of the basic necessities of the day. I can be writing away and grinning like an idiot for several days in a row and then damn near suicidal for the next few weeks. Bipolar really is a bitch, no other way to say it, and I don't even have the more serious form of it. I can't imagine what it's like for those whose bipolar forces them into hospitalization.

Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about all that, I came to talk about the moon. What all this has been leading up to is a theory I've recently thunked up. I think a large part of my attraction to the moon is its predictable cycle: new and dark, waxing, full, waning, new and dark, rinse and repeat. No matter what crazy shit my mind and body are up to I can always count on the moon to be doing its thing in the same steady patten it's been following for millions of years.

Even if my sleeping "schedule" has kept me from seeing her for a while I can always count on the moon to be in the phase I'm expecting. No matter how hyper and tense and nervous or depressed and sluggish I feel I can always look up and know what the moon is doing. The moon is beautiful, luminous, inspirational and dependable. She has, and always will be, a great comfort to me. Luna is the ultimate goddess.

Green Air and White Nights

I think it's a line from the first book of The Lord of the Rings in which Tom Bombadil mentions the healing and rejuvenating power of "the green smell" and the wonder and joy to be found in nature. The feeling around here these days is a perfect example of that. We had a blessedly comfortable Fourth of July with the air full of smoke and the scent of green growth. We had the nearly full moon on the left of our viewing area and a gathering storm on our right. The brightness of the moon, the lightning of the thunderhead and fireworks everywhere in between coupled with the surprising not-scorching heat made for a very pleasant and visually stimulating holiday. It's indicative of the recent weather and lush greenness of life in these hills lately. While my health has been less-than-perfect, to say the least, lately every time I step outside I feel myself immediately wrapped in a cocoon of green healing energy. The very air seems green and full of potential and while that doesn't solve any of my problems it gives me hope.

It never ceases to amaze me, this phenomena of trees and flowers and the wide open sky instantly lifting my spirits and inspiring me. I can be deep in an unpleasant, unhappy funk and one brief sighting of a crane flying past a brilliant sunset can put the silliest grin on my face. My spirits can be down in the dumps and just a few minutes of owl or whip-poor-will song has me smiling like an idiot. When I get so frantic and jittery that I can't sit still all it takes is a half-hour walk around our immense back yard with the dogs to calm me down and help me find my center. And if I ever find myself wondering why I don't feel as good as I should I just have to remember that, for some reason or another, I haven't communed with the moon for a while.

I hate the time of the new moon. I hate it when I can't speak with Luna. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand the phases of the moon and why we have to have three moonless nights a month. I'm not hating on the nature of the solar system. And I also recognize, with gusto, the significance and power of the moon in all her phases. I recognize and revere Hecate, and her magic, just as much as any other self-respecting witch. But I miss the moon so much when I can't see her. I hate cloudy nights and I hate new moon time for the same reason: I can't see her and I can't feel her anywhere near as keenly as I do when I can see her. Intellectually, I know that even though I cannot see her with my puny human eyes that she is still there. I know she is there during the day but the sun is too bright and won't allow me to see her. I know she is there when nighttime clouds obscure her. And I know she is there during her new phase. I know this. But it doesn't make it any easier.

I don't think I can explain rationally with facts and figures; it's entirely subjective. When it comes to the natural world I truly am a Missourian: I want you to show me! Or at least, when it comes to bird song, let me hear it for myself. I must smell it, feel it, experience it for myself or its meaningless. Okay, it's not meaningless. But without personal firsthand sensory experience I receive no direct and immediate benefit from it. When I can't see the moon, or be outside and smell the green smell, just knowing it's out there doesn't really mean much. It's like reading a nature magazine. It can be fascinating, it can be very educational and it can spurn me into action. It can broaden my horizons and lead me to new pursuits and new interests, but it doesn't heal my soul or my spirit. It doesn't lift me out of a foul mood and it doesn't inspire me. I guess what I'm saying is that learning about nature teaches my brain and that's all well and good. But being outside and experiencing nature through my own senses teaches my soul. And, for that, I will be eternally in awe.

Moon In The Fade

Click for larger version.

I wish I had a good enough camera to really capture the details of the moon but in lieu of that I'm really loving the colors fading into each other.

Yep, I finally, finally, finally got a new USB cord for my digital camera!

Stars and Lights

Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky

I had a weird moment tonight. It was one of those moments when I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing. I was out in the backyard with the dogs, enjoying the crystal clear night sky. The moon wasn't quite visible yet so there were only stars as far as the eye could see. I live out in the country, or the suburbs of a very small town if I wanna get cheeky about it, so light pollution isn't much of an issue. Anyway, the weird moment came when I made it to the back of the yard and gazed at the brightest of the stars. And, I swear to the gods, it was blinking. And not just blinking bright, then dull, then bright again. It flashed white, white, blue, red. White, white, blue, red. Over and over in exactly the same order and rhythm.

I have never seen this before and I don't know why.

It was so startlingly different that the phrase "UFO" actually crossed my mind before passing away just as quickly as it arose. Then I wondered if all the fireplace smoke in the air could be playing tricks on my eyes. Then I came in and checked out a couple of my most favorite spacey websites thinking there must be some grand scientific explanation. And I couldn't find anything of the sort regarding the current space weather. So, I went back outside to see if I was hallucinating. And there it was again. The brightest, lowest star blinking at me; it may be Venus for all I know. But it appears like just any bright star, except it's blinking and flashing. White, white, blue, red. White, white, blue, red. So, I said to myself, "Self, you must be hallucinating". Then I got the idea to check out the other stars. And all of the bigger, brighter stars were blinking at me! The smaller, fainter stars just glimmered with their usual sparkle. But each and every one of the larger stars blinked in vividly different colors.

The only plausible idea I can come up with is that I have been in front of the computer, on and off, for about 4 hours now and my eyes are playing tricks on themselves. But that doesn't really fit the situation either. I've been a hardcore internet junkie since 1995 and never have I seen the stars like this. And I've been a dedicated moon and stargazer for most of my life. Why did I never see this before? Was I not looking close enough? Was I not looking long enough? Did the gods just now decide to reveal this to me? Or did someone spike my 2% milk when I was looking the other way?

Even as I write this a thought occurs: maybe I'm just getting old. Perhaps now that my eyes are a little weaker I am only seeing these flashes of colors as my eyes can't handle the overall brightness of the stars. Is that possible? I wish I knew. No, that's not entirely correct. I'd like to know the answer. But, mostly, I hope, and wish for it to continue.

Starlight, starbright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight

Crowned Cloud

Click for larger version.

Brilliant 2002 Sunset

This photo is from so long ago that I'm not exactly sure if I took it. But it's so beautiful I couldn't resist sharing it. So, hat tip to my sister who may have snapped this image.

Water Ice Found on Mars

According to Space.com
it has been almost totally confirmed that water ice does in fact exist just below the surface of Mars. This is HUGE!

When the probe took photos of a ditch it had dug four days before, scientists noticed that about eight small crumbs of a bright material had disappeared. They concluded those crumbs had been water ice buried under a thin layer of dirt that vaporized when Phoenix exposed them to the air... If the crumbs had been salt, they wouldn't have disappeared, scientists said, and if the ice had been made of carbon dioxide, they wouldn't have vaporized.

Water is the most basic requirement for all life as we know it and finding it on Mars means two things. First, this could indicate that some form of life could exist beneath the surface of Mars. There could be bacteria or all kinds of weird single-celled organisms under there. Secondly, water ice on the planet opens the door for the possibility of colonization. We could, if the time and opportunity ever came, haul supplies and equipment to Mars but the existence of naturally occurring water would make the process incredibly easier and much more plausible. Amazing!

Colliding Galaxies Brought to You by Hubble

I am a huge Hubble Telescope fan. I even have Hubble images for my personal wallpaper. I don't have much to say about these new Hubble images other than "wow" and "WOW". Even if you don't care much about the science of space the galaxy collisions are beautiful eye candy. There's a whole new series of images, twenty in all, of these fantastic events. To see all of them, visit
Space.com. Click on the images for larger versions.

Eclipses I've Missed

I swear that almost every eclipse that has occurred in my adult lifetime has been totally obscured by clouds. I can distinctly remember only two lunar eclipses that I actually was able to observe and enjoy. They're fascinating, awe inspiring and beautiful. I've often considered working some ritual magic during a viewable eclipse but have never had the opportunity since eclipses are usually hidden from me. So many times, like tonight, I've had no chance to see it. I've always attached significance to eclipses, either of the moon or sun, but have never been quite able to define that significance. It's a seeming miracle of our solar system that heavenly bodies can be completely hidden by the shadows of other heavenly bodies. Eclipses are a miracle of perspective and a testament to just how small we are. As a neopagan I consider the movement of all the planets and moons to be important and this is twofold. I have an interest in astrology and how the heavenly bodies can affect human lives but I also simply think events like eclipses, equinoxes, etc., are important to the planets and moons themselves. These things are markers of time, hallmarks of age and progress. But that's a big mouthful to say that eclipses and the like are magical. If you have the opportunity go out and see at least part of the eclipse. Enjoy it, honor it.

Winter Sparkle

One of my favorite aspects of the winter season is the magic of still, quiet cold nights when most people are asleep and the sky is clear and the ground is covered in frost. The sparkle of the stars are seemingly reflected in the sparkle of ice on the grass. The firey, nuclear stars that seem so small from the Earth's surface, full of gases and chemical reactions are the cousin of the tiny ice crystals that sparkle just as brightly. A walk through a frost covered yard in the full moonlight is like walking through space; every move, every shift in perception creates different constellations and nebulae. Every blade of grass, so brown and dull during the daylight wintertime hours, is bright and beautiful during the night and taking just one single step reveals ever more ice crystals and beautiful shapes and shadows.

The glisten and shine of each tiny bit of ice seems to mirror the tiny specks of light in the clear, winter night sky. It's fitting, perhaps, that this particular form of wintertime beauty is scarcely seen or appreciated as the low temperatures required are hard to tolerate. I step out, bundled up of course, and even though the wind is still the cold creeps through clothing and can quickly chill the bone just as the ice freezes the grass in place. Crunch, crunch goes the sparkle beneath my feet and my eyes can't decide whether to rest upon the moon, the stars in the sky or the stars on the ground. I tried to photograph this amazing phenomenon but was unsuccessful with my basic digital camera. I was also unsuccessful at finding a nighttime image of frost taken by someone else. Is it impossible to photograph? I hope not, but even if it is possible to capture on film I urge you, dear reader, to take a midnight stroll under the moonlight after a heavy frost and enjoy the starlight rising from underfoot.

January Evening Moon

Thanksgiving Moon

Hecate Night

Tonight is Hecate Night in honor of the Great Goddess Hecate. Although She has other sacred days within various cultures, the Romans especially honored Her on the 29th of each month, this is the day I and others mark as specially meant for Her. Although considered by many to be a Greek goddess She actually originated from Asia Minor, Anatolia to be exact. She later became somewhat incorporated into, but independent of, the Greco-Roman pantheons. She is a goddess of many guises including a mother goddess, sorceress, Queen of the Underworld and Queen of the Night. Though She is considered a crone goddess by most neopagans today She is herself a Triple Goddess and thus a Great Goddess. According to one myth She shares the moon duties with Artemis and Selene, as maiden and mother respectively, and is represented by the dark of the moon. But as the moon itself produces no light of its own it is in fact always dark. As such, Hecate is the moon goddess of all phases and stages as well as goddess of sky, Earth and Underworld. Without Her we would quite possibly have no seasons as, out of all the gods, only She heard the pitiful cries of Persephone and took steps to ensure Her part-time freedom from the land of the dead. Her sacred symbols are the key, as a guardian goddess of the Underworld; the scourge, as a herder and sometimes beater of souls; and the dagger, symbol of Her ritual power as well as Her ability to take life, especially that of babies who would otherwise suffer worse fates. Dogs are also sacred to Her as they are able to sniff out good souls from evil souls and as such Cerberus is especially Her friend. Crossroads, as metaphors for the past, future and present, are sacred to Her and offerings to Her are to be left in these magical places. In the past victims of violent or otherwise questionable deaths were often buried at crossroads so as to encourage Hecate to quickly take the deceased away to the Underworld.

The more modern understanding of Hecate is that of patroness of witches and mighty crone goddess. She is a wise, stern and sometimes cruel goddess who does not suffer fools gladly and will gladly kick you in the face if you deserve it. She does not coddle or baby Her followers but rather She challenges us to challenge ourselves, to incorporate the darkness within us into our larger souls and thus become whole. She is not to be trifled with, She cannot be fooled and She reigns over the unconscious land of dreams and that of the Underworld. She is a Great Goddess, some would say, The Great Goddess. All hail Hecate!
For a more exhaustive history of Hecate visit Wikipedia. Original art by Luis Royo.

Pale Sun

This photo makes me think of Easter egg dyes. And the sun is so pale it looks like the moon.

Framing the Moon

I don't know why but often when I'm gazing at the moon the trees will form a perfect natural frame for her. I'll be walking around, either with the dogs or by myself, and look up to see the moon clearly visible between branches. As I walk around the yard many times during the night, and day, this phenomenon happens quite a lot. Maybe 'phenomenon' is the wrong word. It has the connotation of a happy accident, an interesting coincidence. And, as a witch, I think it's more than that. Gazing at the moon, meditating on her influence, thinking about the various deities connected with her and how all of those things relate to me personally is the one constant in my life. I have always done it. Long before I created an altar or a magical book I was worshiping the moon. When I was attending Baptist church services in high school during my attempt-to-get-religion phase I was speaking with the moon on a regular basis.

During the lowest points in my life I communed with her and found some sense of peace. When my brother was in the hospital after his psychotic break I found solace in the wonder of a lunar eclipse. When I suffered from crippling, paralyzing depression, and eventually stopped feeling altogether, during the low points of my bipolar disorder she was there to serve as a beacon of hope. When I got a little older and said disorder took me to the heights of mania she gave me a sense of calm. And no matter where I was living, I could almost always count on seeing her through tree branches that seemed to have soaked up the sunlight just so they could showcase her reflective glory. There are times when I wonder if I could do more as a witch, or as a neopagan. It's the human condition to doubt and I am not immune to it. I sometimes wonder if I'm not a very good witch/neopagan because I don't always make a big deal out of the holydays, or because I don't read every book I can get my hands on like I once did. Is my practice a serious one even though I don't light my candles every day? Am I a bad neopagan because I don't pray every day? These kinds of questions will occasionally get me down, especially when I somewhat foolishly compare myself to other neopagans. But when it comes down to it, all I really need is to take a midnight walk and I'm right where I need to be: in the embrace of the moon.

Phobos

Phobos is a moon of Mars, our nearest neighbor in the Milky Way. Likely a captured asteroid, it is a mere 4000 miles from Mars, the same distance from London to New York. Long, long ago a major collision nearly destroyed Phobos but it managed to survive. However, this collision caused massive and irregular caves to form within Phobos as the moon reformed from a ball of rubble back into a solid body. These natural caves are of particular importance to the future of humanity as they could be our home away from home. The exterior of Phobos is constantly baked by deadly radiation that would make living on the surface impossible. But the caves would be a natural shelter and safeguard against said radiation. Phobos would also make it possible to make quick trips back and forth to Mars. We could study and prospect on Mars and then escape back to Phobos when the dust storms kick up. However, we'll have only a limited time to take advantage of Phobos as, after a matter of millions of years, it will be dragged down to Mars by its gravitational pull.

Luna: Born of Fire

The prevailing theory regarding the formation of our moon goes something like this: Once upon a time, long, long ago, a Mars-sized protoplanet crashed into the Earth. This chunk is sometimes called Theia in honor of the Titan Theia who gave birth to the moon goddess Selene. When this collision took place it caused tons of material from Earth and Theia to be ejected into space, most of which eventually coalesced into our Moon. Because of the violent nature of its creation the Moon was rocked by massive volcanic activity resulting in the light and dark "seas" that we see on the Moon today. And because of this fireball action the surface of the Moon is ashy with occasional charred rocks. Astronauts explain the smell of Moon rocks as similar to that of spent gunpowder. So our Moon was quite literally born of fire. And this got me thinking.

Being a moon-child born under the sign of Cancer I'm a naturally watery person who is quite afraid of fire and fiery people and situations. Although I try to incorporate fire into my ritual work I can't help but feel that fire is almost alien to me. And yet, I have my fire moments. Being bipolar I have more than my share of fire within me, usually of a frightening and uncontrollable nature. And I wonder now if it's been so out-of-control because I've tried to hide from it. Maybe my new found knowledge about the moon should encourage me to embrace my particular brand of fire. But how to go about doing it? I guess that should be my new research project.

A Rainy Blue Moon

It seems like it's been raining for over a week straight. It's so wet and muddy that no garden work can be done. And it's somewhat risky to wear shoes outside as the soggy ground tends to suck them down. But everything is growing well and the air is crisp and clean, if a little steamy. I like to think of this time of year as the Goddess' way of washing the slate clean, preparing for a new growing season. One of the most uplifting and spiritual experiences is walking through the cool spring rain. This afternoon I enjoyed a break in the rain and listened to nature’s songs: the crickets, the frogs, including a bullfrog for the first time this year, birds of all chattery kinds and the occasional bark of a dog.

Meditating on the sounds of the outside world is one of the simplest pleasures and I fear many people don't take the time to enjoy it and reap its benefits. This full moon I didn't do a full ritual for the sake of the bees. Instead, I prayed to the moon and asked, not for a sudden quick cure, but for the balance between the bees, humans and the rest of the world to be restored naturally in time.

The Joys of Gazing

I have something of a passion for meditatively gazing into various elemental aspects of the world. Living out in a fairly rural area I have a much better view of the sky than city dwellers. There are no big cities around here, only small towns that produce a very dim glow off in the distance. And once I get away from the pole light near our house I can experience the wonder of almost complete darkness broken only by the twinkle of the stars in the black sky. I feel kinda bad for folks who have to go out of their way to see the night sky. And to think, it's only been in the last 200 years or so that cities have produced any light pollution.

Before that, before electricity and TV and internet, there wasn't much to do but gaze either at the sky or into the fire. For millennia untold humans had nothing to entertain entrance and fascinate them but the mysteries of the stars and the dancing of flames. I think these things are good for us to experience. It feels good to my mind, body and soul to gaze in wonder at the dark sky. And who isn't filled with energy and vitality when gazing into a fire? There are also those who are lucky enough to live near water, what a wonderful thing that would be to enjoy. The sight of moonlight reflected on the surface of water is one of the most beautiful and magical sights in this world. And the sounds of water are certainly the most beautiful music known to man. Being a watery Cancer I envy those who live near water. There must be a truly unique vibe to a home near water. I am also equally fascinated by scrying into smoke. It's somewhat similar to watching clouds: the wind makes it curl and waft into all manner of shapes, and is especially hypnotic when seen in a mirror. I consider it a form of divination as it encourages my mind to move past the mundane and into the deep recesses of myself. All these activities are quite simple and involve nothing but a comfortable place to sit and a bit of patience. And yet they help me reap such great benefits, keeping me in tune with the elements and the spirits of the land and sky, I consider myself lucky to live here in this area and on this Mother Earth. What forms of gazing do others enjoy, I wonder.