We've had some luscious weather around these hills lately and I've been enjoying frequent inhalations of fresh, green air. The days are filled with sunshine and cool breezes while the calls of a wondrous variety of birds float through the air and into the open windows. The nights are filled with seemingly a million lightning bugs putting on their beautiful show and just as many frogs and musical bugs belting out their songs. Along with the occasional coyote calls and yips and our local bats the nights are always magical around here. I've always thought this place was blessed with its own kind of energies and I'm glad to say that my recent losses haven't deadened me to the point wherein I can't feel it anymore. I know it's there, I feel it, I just feel somewhat removed from it. Separated.
Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this weather and I wish these nice temperatures would hold out, but I'm just not the same person I once was. Loss has changed me, damaged me in some ways. And I know these cooler days won't last. It will eventually get blistering hot. But for now, I'm soaking in the delicious air and I'm gazing longingly and lingeringly at the stars and burning the image of the sun into my closed eyes. I'm trying to remember all the good things in my life. I'm clutching my good memories tight to me and holding on for dear life some of the time. But I'm laughing some of the time too. The sunlight on my face, the wind in my hair, the green that surrounds me, the birds, the bugs and all of it, they are helping.
Damaged? No, growth is not damage. Change is not damage.
I know I'm taking liberties, here, as I'm not in your exact circumstance.
But remember - I am you, too.
Terri in Joburg
Maybe you're right, but I just feel kind of damaged, maybe that will change in time.
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