Magic in These Hills

Rockin' with The Raconteurs

2011-06-26T04:34:00.000-05:00

I can't get enough of these guys. Made up of Jack White, Brendon Benson and two members of the Greenhornes, Jack Lawrence and Patrick Keeler, this band rocks my world. I can best and most succinctly describe them as just good all around feel good rock. And that fits into my mood. I had a good dream about my brother in which he told me he was alright and now I'm feeling better about things than I have in a while. So, here, have some good rock music from The Raconteurs and feel good with me for a few minutes.

Green Solace

2011-06-24T01:43:00.000-05:00

We've had some luscious weather around these hills lately and I've been enjoying frequent inhalations of fresh, green air. The days are filled with sunshine and cool breezes while the calls of a wondrous variety of birds float through the air and into the open windows. The nights are filled with seemingly a million lightning bugs putting on their beautiful show and just as many frogs and musical bugs belting out their songs. Along with the occasional coyote calls and yips and our local bats the nights are always magical around here. I've always thought this place was blessed with its own kind of energies and I'm glad to say that my recent losses haven't deadened me to the point wherein I can't feel it anymore. I know it's there, I feel it, I just feel somewhat removed from it. Separated.

Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this weather and I wish these nice temperatures would hold out, but I'm just not the same person I once was. Loss has changed me, damaged me in some ways. And I know these cooler days won't last. It will eventually get blistering hot. But for now, I'm soaking in the delicious air and I'm gazing longingly and lingeringly at the stars and burning the image of the sun into my closed eyes. I'm trying to remember all the good things in my life. I'm clutching my good memories tight to me and holding on for dear life some of the time. But I'm laughing some of the time too. The sunlight on my face, the wind in my hair, the green that surrounds me, the birds, the bugs and all of it, they are helping.

Grief at Litha

2011-06-19T03:48:00.001-05:00

Here it is mid-June and my eagerness for all things summertime is at an all-time low. My strongest feelings about anything related to the heat is my hatred for the insects. Other than that, I'm just not all that interested or excited. I'm not interested in planting flowers or gardening. Not interested in fixing up the yard or setting up the pool. I've battled depression in my life before but the pain of grief is relatively new to me. Up until January I'd never lost anyone truly close to me. And the grief of that loss, and others, has sapped me of almost all enthusiasm. I don't want to pick up a book, don't want to make a collage, don't want to talk a walk. About all I can summon the interest and energy to do is basic housework, watch tv, engage in various internet activities and download/listen to music. I guess there are worse ways to spend one's time but I'm just not all that productive these days.

I am trying. I've started blogging again which I think could be a good thing. I've done some late spring cleaning and I've nearly killed myself in the heat a few times as I'm very sensitive to it. But I haven't helped in that garden or really created anything new lately. I don't feel up to marking Litha with anything special, big or small. I wish I did, but I just don't. If I can get myself to light a candle that will be big deal. I guess it'll just take time to feel like working magic again, and I'm hopeful. I know that surely I've got to keep feeling a little better every day. I know it. I just wish I could hurry up and feel okay. I wish time could pass swiftly and get to a point where I don't have to remind myself of all I've lost and hurt like hell when I do.

Saturday Poetry Blogging

2011-06-11T18:27:00.001-05:00

I'm shamelessly stealing this idea from the brilliant Hecate. The following is one of my favorites from Emily Dickinson. I've always been drawn to her poetry for several reasons: her poems are mostly short and sweet and that appeals to me. Her poetry also reveals a sense of humor and a love of nature, two things I can easily get behind. All in all, she's probably my favorite female poet. Enjoy.

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -- don't tell!
They'd banish -- you know!

How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog
To tell one's name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Return to Magic

2011-06-10T23:27:00.000-05:00

I've had a lot of shit go down in recent years and as it progressed, and got worse, I worked magic less and less. Now, as I look back, I realize I haven't worked magic in over 3 years. I've spoken to the moon, I've prayed, I've begged mercy of the gods but I haven't lit candles and gathered tools, raised and focused energy or any of it in ages. I wonder if I even remember how to do it; I imagine (hope) it's like riding a bike and it will come back to me. It's going to take some rehabilitation to get me back in the swing of things. I feel the need to brush up on just about everything. I feel the need to read through lots of funky spells on Lucky Mojo. I feel the need to gather all my magical tools, my gemstones and minerals, my candles, my mojo bags and all my stuff and just start creating. I'm so far gone I don't even have a particular goal in mind. I just feel the need to do something and reclaim my status as the witch of the family.

It's funny how sorrow and rage and grief can just totally bog me down so that I no longer feel capable of working magic. It's been as if so much of my attention has been focused on all the bad stuff happening in recent years that I forgot I could take steps to improve it. Or maybe I've been hurting so bad that I felt no amount of magic could make any difference. There's a lot of reasons tied up with the issue I suppose. There's only so many lies, and instances of theft, and general shitty treatment this witch can take before my magical conduit to the stars/gods/spirits gets clogged up with pain.

I'm hoping this will soon change. I feel the need to empower myself even if I just do a small candle spell or something else simple and sweet. I'm not ready for a full out, scripted, choreographed ritual, not that I've ever done many of those anyway. I want, no, I need simplicity more than ever. If I try to overdo it I may just scare myself away from doing magic at all. But first it's off to study, to read, to learn and soak up some magical information and maybe get some inspiration. Here I go!

All Things Considered

2011-06-09T04:25:00.000-05:00

It's been a rough year. Death has been very active and especially cruel to my family lately. My brother died in January after being sick from the drugs for a long time. It's just about destroyed my family as I'm sure anyone who has lost a loved one can imagine. In one way it was a relief because he'd been in bad shape for a while and I'd felt it coming but mostly it's just brought tremendous, crushing pain. I'll never get over losing my best friend, even though he hadn't been any kind of a friend for years. Then shortly after he died one of my cats died suddenly and without warning and that was another blow. Then, a little over a month ago, my most precious beloved dog, Donkey, got bad sick and I had to put him down. It was like losing my brother all over again in some ways. I loved my Donkey more than many people in my own family. He was the furry love of my life and I'll never get over losing him. I'd never loved an animal before the way I loved him and I won't let myself feel that way again because the pain of losing him is sometimes more than I can bear. I wish I had more words, or at least something cheerful, to say but I don't. I just know I feel like blogging again so here I am. I think it can perhaps be good therapy. So, we'll see where it goes.

A Flurry of Activity

2010-05-09T19:52:00.000-05:00

My life is much busier now that I've gained an instant family. I have less free time, less internet time and less me time than I did before. My workload has grown and I've got more things being asked of me all the time. This mother phase of life is hard, no doubt about it. I'm still in the process of adjusting and making new routines but it's all good. I'll take extra laundry and homework related arguments over being slowly killed by selfish adults and their drug addictions any day.

My workload is not the only thing that's been growing. My social life has grown by leaps and bounds and I've been making lots of new friends online and in real life. And while it does take some work it doesn't stress me like it once did. I also find myself enjoying more and more simple things, like driving. I used to hate driving, but sometimes it's almost enjoyable. I'm growing by leaps and bounds and enjoying every minute of it.

Once again, my life seems to be keeping pace somehow with the progressing spring. The leaves are almost completely unfurled and the brilliant and varying shades of green, along with bark browns, fill the country landscape. Everywhere one looks there are small jewel tone flashes of birds; their songs fill the air as does the buzz of bees and the fluttering of thousands of gossamer wings.

The very air is full of delicious scents that seems to be dominated by newly cut grass, sweet wildflowers and just the fresh, green smell that can only be found in a beautiful and largely unspoiled land. The air is so rich and full of smell that it's nourishing not just to the soul but to the senses. Sometimes after I've been cooped up for a while I feel hungry for something that food cannot satisfy. At those times I step outside, take a deep breath and instantly feel full and happy. May it be so for you.

Go by Jonsi: The Music of Spring

2010-04-12T08:35:00.004-05:00

Is this real paint or Photoshop?

Even if you're not already a fan of Jonsi via Sigur Ros I highly recommend giving at least some of these breathtakingly beautiful songs a listen. Whether it be a fast paced, sometimes frenetic song like Go Do, the breakneck craziness of Animal Arithmetic or a mellow emotional song like Grow Till Tall or Tornado each song seems to almost fly by as the ethereal qualities begin to overwhelm the listener. It's so good and so enjoyable that it makes one want to rush outside and breathe in all the wild growth of spring before it melts into summer.

There have always been naysayers who claim that a solo album from a front man of an already successful band will inevitably be watered down, weaker or only a slightly tweaked version of the original bands' music. And that's a valid critique, but not in this case. Yes, he sings in his haunting falsetto a lot, just like he does with Sigur Ros. And yes, the music is very good. But the similarities really end there. Go features much faster rhythms, heavier synthesizers, a lot more orchestral work, less guitar and one other glaring difference between Go and the music of Sigur Ros.

Jonsi sings more than a little of the lyrics in English. It's English sung with a heavy, but not overpowering, Icelandic accent, granted. But it's beautiful and can be understood once the listener has gotten over the newness of the album and has learned how to listen to his pronunciations. I don't find it unpleasant at all to not always know exactly what he's singing about. In fact, it adds to the over all aesthetic, to the air of mystery and otherworldly quality. That said, the lyrics are beautiful so it's not a bad idea to look them up.

From Go Do:

Tie strings to clouds
Make your own lake - Let it flow
Throw seeds to sprout
Make your own break - Let them grow

And from Animal Arithmetic:

Every time, everyone, everything's full of life
Everyday, everywhere, people are so alive

I see you in the trees
I see you're colourful
I see you in the breeze
You're spiritful

Personally, I've officially recognized Go as the soundtrack of my springtime. In fact, I've become rather obsessed by it! Never before in my life have I been so eager for the warmth and growth of spring and this album encapsulates all the glory, wonder, beauty and sometimes heady pace of springtime. It's as if the spring flowers and awakening animals and I are racing at a feverish pace and this album is the music we are making.

I wanted to imbed the video for Go Do but YouTubers don't seem to want to share it and the Jonsi site features a huge video player that uglies up my template. So, go here to see the first fascinating video from Go.

Spring: Flowers, Critters and Blog Templates, etc.

2010-04-05T13:28:00.000-05:00

Grape Hyacinths

So you may have noticed I've been playing with my template, backgrounds and stuff around here. What can I say? I recently got a nice, fully functioning, big ass monitor (from some great friends!!) and can now enjoy all the colors of the rainbow. Also, Blogger just unrolled their new Template Designer in Blogger in Draft and it is very nice. And fun. And addictive. But, more to the point (and there is one coming, just hold on) it's Spring!

All the warm weather critters are returning with the birds coming first. In fact, birds are returning in droves these days. We've had the mourning doves for about a week and their song is only second to the whip-poor-whil. Our local mockingbird returned a couple of days ago and, when he's close enough to a bedroom window, makes for an efficient and enjoyable alarm clock. Every time I step outside I see more birds and even saw one squirrel which we don't often have around here. Haven't had a snake yet but it won't be long. The pond frogs have been serenading us for a few weeks now and it's truly glorious.

Lilacs and Tulips

There are spring flowers popping up all over in old and new places. We've got all of our expected things putting on a show but we've got a stray lilac or tulip here and there. Looks like our daffodils are done, the lilacs are still going and the tulips are just beginning to show off their rainbow of colors. All kinds of things are popping up: wild violas amongst the grass, gorgeous bright yellow dandelions and the wild rose bushes are putting out lots of growth. I can't wait to float in the pool and smell the gorgeousness of their scent waft over me. Warm weather can't come soon enough for me this year it seems. And I know why.

Now that my family situation is so much more healthy and happy than it was up until last fall I'm just looking so forward to life and living. My family was locked in a deep, dark hole for a long time, myself included. So I'm loving having freedom to have a life and friendships and goals and hopes to actually look toward. I've been locked up too long. I, more or less voluntarily, did the hermit thing for nearly 30 years and spent the last two or three too scared to hardly ever leave the house. And now I'm done with that. I'm stepping out of my cage.

I'm making new friends, pagan and non-pagans, left and right and, for the first time in my life, I'm actually enjoying hanging out with people. It's still a rough ride as my social skillz are pretty rusty but I'm having fun. And it's great. I'm drinking up the sun because the better times have arrived! If you have the means I highly recommend enjoying some beautiful weather and time outdoors and just plain 'ol good times with those you love. Enjoy the springtime, my fellow northern hemisphere residents, for it comes but once a year!

The Pros and Cons of Rage

2010-03-25T23:40:00.000-05:00

A while back Terri over at Aquila ka Hecate blogged about rage and, after writing a comment, I realized I had a lot to say about it and should blog about it myself.

The doctors say I have a mild form of bipolar disorder. Some people, even some I'm related to, have said that I'm a bitch and that's all there it to it. And maybe they're right. Maybe it's in my stars. Maybe it's all genetic or maybe I am just a heinous bitch. Or all of the above. (For those of you who don't know, my bipolar takes the form of depression and anxiety but not the delusional or hallucinatory kind of bipolar.) For the purposes of this blog I want to talk about the anxiety side of things, specifically, my anger that can sometimes boil up and burn everything in its path. We all have rage but mine could become truly frightening sometimes.

I've had temper tantrums, I've thrown things, I've made up foul words after I ran through all the mainstream strong language. That's not really extreme though. When it got really bad, however, my rage would take me much farther than that. I once punched a solid oak door off its hinges that had been installed with an electric drill into a solid oak frame. Punched it, barehanded five or six times and poof! off it came. I remember feeling fire flowing through my veins, in a purely metaphorical sense, and releasing it out through my fist. I don't even remember feeling any pain.

When I was a teenager I once hit my mom so hard across the face that her eyeglasses flew off. I've even been cruel to pets once or twice. These are things for which I am deeply ashamed but cannot change. Those things happened because I allowed my rage, my fire to get the better of me. Instead of expressing it or funneling it into something productive or creative I would stifle it and try to shut it up. And for that reason it would occasionally and unpredictably burst forth in an explosion of uncontrolled anger. Whoever or whatever happened to be closest to me would bear the brunt leaving them scared and hurt and me drained and riddled with guilt. It was, to say the least, not a healthy way of coping.

But not all rage is destructive. As I've moved past "young adult" and into "adult with grey hair and wrinkles to prove it" I've gotten better at coping. I've learned to express my rage in a more controlled way. Maybe "controlled" isn't the right word. I suppose I should say that I've learned, purely through trial and error, hit and miss, to let enough of it out to keep myself relatively sane and yet keep from hurting or scaring those around me. I've even come to appreciate my rage. Allow me to explain.

If you've followed this blog much in the last few years you're probably aware that, last fall, my family dispensed with the junkie situation. Our home and our very lives were almost completely destroyed by said junkies. And I think my anger, my fire, my rage kept me going. It was, for some time, all I had to keep me going. The junkies took away almost everything we had. They alienated all of our friends and family. They sucked up all the money and then some. They took away our peace and quiet and our security. They turned our home and our lives into hell on Earth. I've never been so angry for so long. I've never been so angry, period. And I think that rage kept me going. It kept me getting out of bed every day and doing what I could to keep my family from falling completely apart.

Rage is powerful, there's no doubt about that. It can be powerfully painful and frightening, this is true. It can be powerfully destructive, violent and traumatizing, yes. But it can also be powerfully motivating. You see for years my rage was my only strength; it kept me alive when the rest of me just wanted to give up. It kept me fighting, it kept me hanging on. The junkies took everything we had but they fed my rage and, strangely enough, that's the one thing that helped me survive them.

Things Stay the Same

2010-03-19T15:10:00.005-05:00

The More They Change, That Is...

You may have noticed my love for spirals and other circle-like symbols. This isn't just an aesthetic attraction. Everything in this life, indeed, everything and everyone on this planet and I suspect the entire universe in all its glory, terror and wonder, really does move in cycles. Energy swirls and wheels and occasionally careens wildly but as it moves back and forth and behind and around it can sometimes come unusually close to its place(s) of origin. We, as mere humans, start at one point, seemingly, and while we gradually move away from our perceived beginnings we always come back to people, interests, feelings, etc., that we once knew and might have once sworn off "for good". And I am no exception.

Long lost friendships reforged, old notions of motherhood that have revisited and decided to stay, signs from the spirits, old familiar longings and dreams. They feel different now. They are different now just as I am. But they are only the matured desires and phases that were planted as seeds years ago. In my youth, when I was a maiden, I didn't fully understand all of the difficulties or the joys of these things. I didn't comprehend the depth and details and the enormity and importance of all these, and many other, things, ideas and people. And while I'm sure I have more to learn I'm glad to say I've gotten past the beginner stage. I am no longer a newbie.

Things that began years ago and have begun again are seemingly synchronized with our slowly but inevitably blossoming springtime. The trees are blooming and attracting the earliest of bees in swarms. Our backyard is truly abuzz with their music. I happened upon a dining hawk and a running bobcat on the road today and was thrilled to see them out and about enjoying the deliciousness of this sunny day. Tomorrow may bring yet another winter storm but for today it is blessedly sunny and warm, bursting with life, energy, sap and all the juices of plant and animal life. And while the next day may be miserable, today I choose to embrace all that comes my way, soak in the warmth and milk it for all it's worth. I encourage you to do the same.

January is a Bitch...

2010-03-01T20:20:00.005-06:00

...and so is February.

I can't tell you how much crap I've endured in the month of January in my life. When I was a kid it was just the pain in the ass drag of going back to school after the Christmas/winter break. As I've gotten older it's gotten worse and the pain in the ass quotient has skyrocketed. Serious relationships grinding to painful halts, drug addictions taking over the lives of loved ones, ice storms that turn a region into a disaster area and every form of sickness popular with the cool kids.

I've really spent most of these past two months sick as hell with one damn thing or another. Strangely enough, my personal life has taken a decided upswing at the same time as my body has been producing all kinds of disgusting things. My motto seems to be: "it could be worse." And that has proven true around these hills lately. But me being sick all the time coupled with one of my furry children sustaining an injury (that he's recovering from) has really made me hate January and February.

So, here's saying goodbye to January and February, welcome to March and "Come on Spring!"

Sappho on the Moon

2010-01-16T20:30:00.002-06:00

The sinking moon has left the sky,
The Pleiades have also gone.
Midnight comes-and goes, the hours fly.
And solitary still, I lie.

The Moon has left the sky,
Lost is the Pleiads' light;
It is midnight,
And time slips by,
But on my couch alone I lie.

Oh Man, It's an Omen

2010-01-09T02:03:00.006-06:00

Once upon a time, when I was entering into a new and potentially risky venture, I saw an omen or a sign. Without sharing too many gory details I'll just say I had made a decision that I wasn't entirely confident about. Here comes the omen: As I turned off our road and set out in earnest on this new path I saw a fox run away from the fence line and toward the woods on my left. At the same time an owl flew away from the fence line and flew toward the woods on my right. I told myself that this was a sign that I was making the right decision and that my doubts and concerns would prove to be unfounded.

I was wrong. My doubts and concerns were very much warranted. To be fair, I don't completely regret taking that risk. I had some good times and learned a lot about myself, about interpersonal relationships and life in general. I also learned a lot about pain and regret and guilt. So, it was perhaps an invaluable learning experience but also probably the second most painful time period in my life. If I had been a little less selfish I would have taken the opposite interpretation of the omen seriously. Or maybe I did but quickly discounted it.

They say hindsight is 20/20. And this is no more true than when speaking of omens. The above example is just one of the omens I've seen and either didn't recognize or interpreted incorrectly because I didn't take the time to think, meditate and perhaps research them. I know better now. If it strikes me on an emotional level I know the universe or the spirits of the land or the gods are trying to tell me something. This is especially true when I see something I've never seen before. I see it now and I know it.

To be fair, not all odd occurrences are necessarily omens. Sometimes a bird is just a bird. Sometimes there's nothing to learn. When I see a young eagle cruising a field and it's only mildly interesting to me and not visually startling then I know it's not an omen. It's just nature gracing me with a glimpse of its magnificence. The trick is something I've only learned with the passage of time. I've learned to trust my intuition, to listen to my instincts. May it be so with you.

Thoughts For the Season

2009-12-24T14:52:00.000-06:00

I took this image more than a week ago and I think it's got some brilliant red colors to enjoy and mark the important, but often forgotten, point of the whole season of holidays: the return of the sun after the longest night of the year. Unfortunately, my monitor crapped out on me and I've had to temporarily replace it with an ancient Compaq monitor that only has 32 bit color. So, I'm not quite sure if this photo is very red or not. Either way I seem to remember liking this image, so I hope you do too!

I read on The Wild Hunt how some 300 people came to Stonehenge to celebrate the Solstice on the wrong day and I just couldn't believe it. Or, rather, I was incredibly dismayed by it. I know I'm a hardass about celebrating the solstices, equinoxes and cross quarters at the right time (I don't celebrate Samhain on Halloween, for example, but on the actual cross quarter which usually occurs a full week after Halloween) but come on folks! You call yourselves pagans? And you didn't even realize that our holydays are based on astronomical events and thus don't always occur on the same calendar date? You know so little about what it means to be pagan that it never once occurred to you to check the date? I wish I could meet those folks and slap them silly! I guess I wouldn't have to slap them silly since they are already! Okay, stepping off soapbox now.

I stayed up all night on Yule and kept the fireplaces and candles burning all night. I like the idea of making it a tradition; it's a beautiful way to not only recognize the solstice but show respect for the sun. I've read before how keeping candles/lights burning all during the Yule night will help draw the sun back or otherwise help the sun find its way back. I don't think the sun needs our help but I like the idea showing my support. There's also that little fact of it being seriously cold to encourage one to keep fires going!

Here's hoping you and yours stay warm and happy during this season and all the years to come!

Control

2009-12-15T02:19:00.002-06:00

Idris over at House of Inanna recently wrote a blog post that really got my motor running about something I've been mulling over for a lot of years: control. Here's Idris:

Children had to [be] forced to the truth - and schools were created whose sole purpose was to break this natural urge to move to delight and love and force them to bend their knees to will of old and woman-denying men.

The above kicked me closer toward a conclusion that's been growing in the back of my head for most of my adult life: everything really is about control. It's not sex, it's not money or love, etc.; those things aren't secondary necessarily but are things to have control over. Starkhawk was/is very wise to discuss the idea of power over in her writings. (I really need to get her books off my dusty bookshelf!) And she's totally correct.

You know who else is correct? The BDSM crowd and the psychological folks: in every relationship there are dominant personalities and the submissive, weaker personalities. And some people just don't know when to quit or when to stand up and start. There are control freaks and those who don't want to be controlled by others but also can't or won't make hard decisions and stand by them.

The power hungry I can't really say much about other than that they've got serious ego issues that can, and often do, involve the domination of millions. They are of a breed largely unknown to me. I can only assume that those who feel the need to control many others are themselves very low in the self-esteem department and somehow think that if they dictate the actions of others than their own will be perfect. Or something.

Now the regular everyday controlling, bossy people are different. They like to keep their ducks in a row and have a handle on their particular situation. And I get that, I really do. Some people make better leaders than others. Some people are better under pressure and can make better decisions. And that's all well and good. My problem with some controlling people is their amazing ability to make everyone around them feel like stupid, barely evolved children who don't even have thumbs let alone the capacity for critical thought. I guess the only thing to do in that situation is to just ask them to lay off. At least, that's what I usually do.

As far as the rest goes, I've heard the phrase "passive aggressive" and always thought it was just a bunch of shit. I used to think, and I still do in part, that those who accuse others of being passive aggressive are just pissed cuz they don't get to rule the playground. And that is true, in one sense. But as I've gotten older I've learned that being passive aggressive can also be a wimpy, whiny ass way of doing your own thing while pretending to do what you know is best. And it's mostly a control and ego issue. There's a line in a Fiona Apple song that goes: "Do I wanna do right, of course. But do I really wanna feel I'm forced to answer you, hell no." And I completely understand that!

We've all got our own opinions and ideas and sometimes it's really damned hard to follow through on a stupid idea assigned by someone else. But being passive aggressive is agreeing to do something to a person's face and then doing something different once they've gone. Instead of having the guts to disagree with that person at the start the passive aggressive turd says one thing and does another. Passive aggressive people are experts at being two-faced. I oughta know, I've been one and occasionally still suffer relapses.

As I move further into the firey stage of my life I'm doing the passive aggressive schtick less and less. No, I'd much rather point out how wrong you are to begin with so I don't have to go through the charade of following your stupid orders. I'd much rather do that than add more bullshit to the already overflowing bullshit supply to be found in this world. I guess for many of us it's just a matter of age, experience and strength of character. I'm coming up with all kinds of new mottoes or mantras lately. My most recent is: I will not tolerate bullshit from others or myself.

Sacrificed Sense

2009-12-07T05:00:00.008-06:00

Have you ever played one of those mind bending "what if?" games with someone? Ya know, you're passing the joint and you get to talking about weird shit? Or have you, like me, just pondered strange stuff on your own as you looked longingly at your stash box and tried to swallow down a cheap beer? Well, I have done the latter a lot lately and something I came up with was this: if you had to give up one of your senses which would it be? Smell, taste, sight, hearing, touch or speech? Without hesitation I chose speech.Why?

Well, my most important sense is hearing. That's a no brainer. While it makes communication infinitely easier that's not the reason I would never choose to give it up. Nope. I'd never give up the ability to hear because I couldn't live without music. Couldn't do it. "Oh, I can't hear anymore? You got a gun handy so I can stick it in my mouth? Sorry about the mess. Bang." No question. Take away my hearing and dig my grave.

My next most important sense is sight. I don't cherish it as much as hearing but I don't know how I'd handle never seeing a sunset again. I don't know what kind of life I'd be living if I couldn't see the afternoon sun streaming through the bright green leaves of spring. If I couldn't see the moon? Forget about it! I also know it would hurt like hell to not see my young cousins grow up. That would gut me. So, no, not willing to give up my sight.

Next most important is probably touch. And this is because I think daily life would just be incredibly difficult if I couldn't feel what I was touching. Can you imagine trying to use the bathroom if you couldn't feel? Or wash dishes or drive a car? I don't know how I'd function if I couldn't feel. And the biggie of touch is typing! I couldn't make it without that. I guess it's possible to learn how to function without feeling but I'm not willing to go there.

Smell and taste are up next. I put them together cuz, well, they just go together don't they? Peas and carrots, chocolate and peanut butter, toast and jam, smell and taste, see a pattern? While I would greatly miss the smell of rain and the smell of bacon frying I'd be much more willing to give those abilities up than others but there is another sense I would sacrifice in a heartbeat. And that's speech.

I've got very little use for the ability to speak. I don't like to talk all that much. In recent years I did most of my talking when I was stoned and now that's past and I'm back to talking only when absolutely necessary or when reunited with friends. I don't get to leave the house very often and I have only a very few friends to visit anyway. And, even when I do get to visit with friends, I talk for a little while to catch up and then I'm all talked out. When I was very young I virtually stopped talking for over a year. I did the baby noises thing and was starting to say a few words and then my sister was born and I stopped talking. Just like that, barely a word for a long time. I would answer a question but that was it.

And then, one day, I started talking in complete sentences expressing complete thoughts and ideas. So, clearly, while I wasn't talking I was still comprehending, I was still thinking and learning and growing. I just didn't feel the need to tell anyone about it. Later that night, as my Mom tucked me into bed, she asked me why I went so long without saying much and my answer was pretty simple: "I didn't have anything to say." I have no memory of any of this because I was too young. But I totally understand because I still feel that way. If I don't have anything important to say I don't talk. To me, speaking is necessary when answering a question or when expressing something important and that's it. It certainly isn't enjoyable or fun; it's almost a necessary evil sometimes.

There is one problem with this whole idea of giving up the ability to speak: I guess the ability to sing would go along with it. And that would seriously suck. I love singing, I love to sing! And I'm pretty damned good at it if I do say so myself. And I do. I can't sing like I could when I was a teenager. After all, I've smoked a lot of weed since then, had chronic bronchitis for a number of years and developed allergy induced asthma. And, to top it all off, I haven't done a scale since the day I graduated high school. There's also the sad fact that I haven't had much reason to sing about in the last few years. So, no, losing the ability to sing wouldn't make for too much of a change in my life. But I would still miss the hell out of it because when I feel like belting it out, and I really can, I love it.

If I was a nun-type person who took a vow of silence I don't think my chosen god would accept it as a virtuous decision as keeping silent isn't difficult for me, not in the least. I can happily go hours and hours and hours without saying a single word if given the chance. I'm just not a vocal, verbal person. Nothing infuriates me more than those individuals who, for whatever reason, talk incessantly. It's a waste of energy and incredibly irritating to boot. I don't waste words and I nearly always say exactly what I mean and nothing more. I don't play head games because they're all essentially games played with verbal tactics. And those things hold no interest for me. I say what I mean and there's no point in reading anything into it because if I had more to say I would just say it and not make you guess. Period.

As I've gotten older, harder and meaner I've become more like that in my writings. There aren't any hidden meanings, no insinuations, no intimations. There's no reason to read between the lines because there are no lines to read between. I don't play games and I don't employ much subtlety. I don't tolerate bullshit and I don't serve it up. I've got lots of ideas, opinions, questions and just outright blatherings to share but the internet is my chosen method for communicating these things. I love words, I love words! But I greatly prefer them typed and spell checked.

What sense would you be most willing to sacrifice?

Under Construction Part II

2009-12-01T06:35:00.003-06:00

Well, after receiving some great feedback from various readers I came to the conclusion that the worry I'd had from the beginning, about the readability of the text over the awesome background, was well founded. Yeah, the template was gorgeous but I should have stuck with my hard and fast rule against transparent templates. It was great looking but it presented too many problems and really did make reading difficult. So, now I've changed templates again with no transparencies this time! I've yet to add my title image or any of my widgets but I'll keep at it.

You may also notice, or you may not, I dunno, that I've got a lot more posts than I did last time you visited and that my label count looks a lot different and is now topped by "photography". Well, that's cuz I merged Sacred Spiral Creations, my photography (and sometime collage and occasionally textile craft) blog with this blog. It just makes sense to include my creative pursuits, such as they are, with Magic in These Hills which has, over the last year especially, become much more personal. So, if you are so inclined, please check out the new labels and see some of my so-called art. And, as always, feel free to offer some feedback about it! I'm hoping that getting those pictures and such out to more readers will inspire me and get me moving back into a creative mode.

Anyway, when I first started this blog I was dead set against including anything relating to my personal life. It was gonna be all business: mythological discussions, pagan issues in the news, witchcraft tools, ideas, ethics, etc. And while I've included all of that, and more, somewhere along the way I began including more and more personal stuff. I guess that was just a function of time as I began to make genuine friends throughout the blogosphere and felt the need to vent about my deteriorating family situation.

So, that's the news, that's the latest scoop. I'm pretty happy with this new layout: it reflects my personality with its firey swirls and spirals. I'd still like to know what you kind folks think of it, but I'm pretty sure I'll be sticking with it. I'd also like to fess up that I've been a terrible reader these last few months. As my urge to write slipped away from me any pleasure I got from reading the blogs of others was also stripped from me. So, for the time being, I'll refrain from adding a huge blog list. It's going to take me some time to (re)acquaint myself with my favorite, and new found, blogs. So, if you used to be in my blog list but aren't just yet, don't fret; I'll get to it! Thanks everyone for all of your kind words and patience over the last year or so. I'm back in the saddle again and it feels good!

Under Construction

2009-11-30T07:23:00.003-06:00

Well, along with changes in my life, changes in my perspective on said life and changes in the seasons I felt the need to change the look and feel of my blog. So whaddaya think? I like it but I'm not sure how user-friendly it is for readers. I've never used a transparent template like this before and I want to be sure it's comfortably readable. To that end, I'd ask you to please take a moment and give me a "yay" or "nay". I'd like to know what you folks think before I go through the hassle of adding all of my pictures and links and widgets and such in the sidebar since Blogger deletes them with each template change. So, let me hear from you! And thanks.

Change is Good

2009-11-25T22:51:00.008-06:00

I have a confession to make: My name is Livia Indica and I don't like Thanksgiving. In fact, I hate it. I've felt this way for most of my life but only recognized the reasons behind these feelings in the last ten years or so. It's a big frikkin' mess and worry and bother and stress and money spent and family irritations all to celebrate the subjugation and eventual extermination of nearly 20 million American Indians by militant invasion and disease. I know I'm not the only person who feels this way but that doesn't change anything or make the holidays, and all its headaches, any easier to handle.

"But that's not what I came to talk about. I came to talk about the draft."

Uh, I mean, I came to talk about change and how it can be a good, if painful, thing.

You see, I still don't like Thanksgiving Day all that much. It is my very least favorite of all secular or American or religious holidays, be they Christian or pagan or Spaghetti Monster-related, etc. But this Thanksgiving is different. This entire holiday season will be, and already is, different. Why? Well, to be quite blunt about it: there aren't any junkies doing everything they can to ruin it. It's amazing how people who can't accomplish anything useful, or much of anything at all, for years on end can still manage to ruin holidays for everyone around them. All it takes is a few choice words, a few thousand dollars stolen, a lack of consideration or participation and a general discourteous attitude to make everyone involved in the holiday feel like total shit.

And my family doesn't have to face that this year! Yay!

Sure, we're broke as hell. The junkies left us with a ton of drug-induced debt. We're worried about our loved one and what he's done to himself. But we are determined to have a happier holiday season than we've had the last two or three years. And while everything isn't perfect the mere fact that we are junkie-free will guarantee a pretty nice time for us. And I'm honestly excited and looking forward to it. So, here, have some traditional Thanksgiving Day carols.

And to all my American friends out there: Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your pumpkin pie and tryptophan-induced naps!

Welcome to the Mother

2009-10-27T07:24:00.007-05:00

I'm really feeling my age this autumn. And it's a good thing, it really is. There has been sadness, rage and tremendous relief. The Samhain season, and all its implications, has been in full force around these hills as of late. My best buddy, of the furry kind, died after more than 14 years of companionship and love. Our parakeet, who lived a long life of ten years, died a few days later. Another part-time indoor kitty disappeared and, presumably, went off to die alone. These deaths weren't exactly unexpected but sad all the same. And there have many other things, situations, trials, attitudes and habits dying as well.

If you've followed my blog for very long you're probably aware of the junkie problem we've been suffering for several years now. Well, that is now over and we are free. I won't bore you with the gory family details but I will say that now that the melodramatic screaming is over and most of the moving is done I, and the rest of family, feel a whole helluva lot better. There are still some serious issues to be dealt with and worried over and eventually - hopefully - worked out. But the energy level and the over all vibe of my home is vastly improved.

It's as if an enormous weight has been removed from my shoulders. It's as if the foot that was driving me, and my family, into the ground is gone and gone forever. And now that we are free of the destructive toxicity of overwhelming greed, endless lies, disloyalty, selfishness and thoughtlessness we are learning to live again. The world looks and feels different to me now that I can stand up straight and see with clear eyes. I know it's really me that's done the changing. It's as if my senses, my creativity and my magical sensibilities are waking up after several years of a depression so deep I didn't think I could ever dig my way out of it.

My old tendency to self-pity is mostly gone now. It's a time and energy wasting activity that accomplishes nothing worthwhile. The sweet, sensitive girl is long, long gone. In place of the Maiden is a much harder bitch goddess. The trials of the last few years, as painful and frustrating as they were, have toughened me up quite a lot. I don't even take much medication anymore. It's as if I really have gone through the fire and come out stronger for it. Horrible cliche that, but it's true.

I've been noticing a few white hairs lately and am slowly moving into the Alpha female position in my family. It's strange and yet completely expected and, in a weird way, fascinating. I've become firmly ensconced in the ranks of adulthood and am enjoying my membership in the club. I don't have actual children of my own. But I am the caregiver of my family. I'm the one who runs the household and makes sure everyone eats and has clean clothes, clean beds, etc. I said farewell to the Maiden some time ago, I know. Now I think I'm ready for the next step. Welcome to the Mother.

Lack of Cycles

2009-09-27T02:55:00.005-05:00

I've never had anything in my life that could be called a cycle. I don't seem to have any kind of internal clock that regulates either sleep, menstrual periods, mood, energy or anything that's supposed to follow a regular time frame. Humans have all kinds of clocks that just don't seem to function properly for me. Most of it's wrapped up in my head: chemicals that aren't produced in the appropriate amount or messages that don't get sent through the proper connections.

For instance, we are supposed to have an internal clock that regulates sleep and, usually, makes us want to sleep at night and be up and about during the day. I've never had this. I've always preferred being awake at night but never known, from day to day, if I would be. One day I'll be awake for 20 hours straight and sleep all day and the next I'll sleep 8 hours during the night and be up 18 hours during the day and the next I'll sleep 12 hours through the afternoon and night and wake up at 3 in the morning and be up 'til the next afternoon. And I've always been like this. Even during the times of my life when I had a regular job or regular classes I didn't have a normal sleeping schedule. I could work or study at the same hours day after day and my hours of sleep could still vary by as many as 4 to 6 hours or more.

I've never had a regular menstrual cycle either. (If you're a squeamish man who likes to pretend women don't bleed I'd recommend skipping this paragraph.) I got my first period a month after I turned 10 and the most regular I've ever been was when I was around the age of 15; I would bleed every 40-60 days. For those first ten years I would have such horrible menstrual cramps that I'd miss school and spend a day in bed moaning and crying and puking, but I could never predict when this would happen and never plan my life around it. My periods only got weirder as I got older; I've had a period last 9 months and I've gone over a year and a half with no period at all. And I'm only 32 so it's not menopause; it's just hormone weirdness.

I've never had anything approaching a predictable energy level or mood either. One day I'm bouncing off the walls and dancing to the music and the next I can barely drag myself up to take care of the basic necessities of the day. I can be writing away and grinning like an idiot for several days in a row and then damn near suicidal for the next few weeks. Bipolar really is a bitch, no other way to say it, and I don't even have the more serious form of it. I can't imagine what it's like for those whose bipolar forces them into hospitalization.

Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about all that, I came to talk about the moon. What all this has been leading up to is a theory I've recently thunked up. I think a large part of my attraction to the moon is its predictable cycle: new and dark, waxing, full, waning, new and dark, rinse and repeat. No matter what crazy shit my mind and body are up to I can always count on the moon to be doing its thing in the same steady patten it's been following for millions of years.

Even if my sleeping "schedule" has kept me from seeing her for a while I can always count on the moon to be in the phase I'm expecting. No matter how hyper and tense and nervous or depressed and sluggish I feel I can always look up and know what the moon is doing. The moon is beautiful, luminous, inspirational and dependable. She has, and always will be, a great comfort to me. Luna is the ultimate goddess.

Busy with This and That

2009-09-08T03:54:00.003-05:00

I've been suffering from bloggers block as well as a general tiredness of the mind, body and soul lately. It's true, at least in my case, that physical work drains energy not just from the body but from the brain. I've been busy with lots of housework, canning vegetables and trying to keep my family together while at the same time wishing I could break free from it. I spend most of my internet time surfing music sites and playing around: I don't have the energy or brain power for much else, certainly not for deep thought. Hopefully this will change soon. For now though, perhaps I just need a little break.

Coming in for a Landing

2009-08-21T00:44:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

I saw this sunset and immediately thought of a giant space ship coming in for a landing kinda like in the too-often played Independence Day. I don't know the cause for the dark streaks but it sure makes for some amazing imagery. They looks almost like smoke trails to me, like exhaust fumes.

More Internet Memories

2009-08-20T13:54:00.005-05:00

If it wasn't for the internet I don't know if I'd be a pagan witch. To be clear, my first encounter with neopaganism was a Scott Cunningham book (yes, that one) that my cousin handed me after she discarded it. She knew I was always reading about mythology and religions and whatnot and thought I would enjoy it. And boy did I?! But if it hadn't been for the internet I don't know if I would have stuck with it. Back in the early days of my pagan path walking I was fortunate enough to have internet access and it opened up the wider world of what it could mean to be pagan. In the early years of this millennium I used to say that the internet was a boon to two areas of interest: pornography and neopaganism. I don't know if that's really true, I suspect it isn't, but it seemed that way to me. I guess that says a lot about me, doesn't it? I was a country girl bored with what I knew and thirsting for something that I could not yet name. And when I discovered witchcraft, mythology taken seriously as including life lessons, ritual and all the rest I finally had a name for it.

However, many people had a name for their beliefs long before I came along and long before the internet was even a dream in a nerds mind. And some of them really hated us newbies. Granted, there was a lot of fad fever going on, there was a lot of white lighting and dumb kids calling themselves priestesses and putting "lady" in front of their name a week after their learned the definition of Wicca. There was a lot of bullshitting going on to be sure. But there was a lot of honest, sincere searching and learning taking place too. Those of us who were new and naturally ignorant and inexperienced were not often greatly encouraged by the older, more learned. In fact, just because we were new we were sometimes automatically lumped in with the "fluffy bunnies" and disregarded simply because of our youth or lack of knowledge. This of course happens to everyone at some point but it was particularly prevalent in the suddenly exploding online pagan community.

Fluffy bunnies were a strange breed and I may have been included in their ranks at one point by some. In my opinion they tended to be very new and yet felt instantly entitled to the utmost respect. They knew very little of mythology or folklore or ritual or herbs or any of it and yet considered themselves high priests and priestesses even though they had never even attended a group ritual, much less organized or led one. They tended to wear huge pentacles on their person just hoping someone would start some shit with them so they could claim persecution. They reminded me of the peasant Dennis in Monty Python's Holy Grail: "Come see the violence inherent in the system! You saw him repressing me, didn't you?" It was comical and silly but it was also somewhat damaging. So many of the bunnies repeatedly regurgitated the "9 million witches killed during the Burning Times! Never again!" mantra that it lost its meaning and created a victim complex, making it nearly impossible for other pagans or anyone in the mainstream to take them seriously. And the bunnies never even bothered to research such an outrageous figure, never realizing or caring that such a number would have wiped out most of Europe. So, I guess they earned some of their enmity. But some of us felt a sting we didn't earn.

From my perspective it seemed like some of the older pagans truly hated the newbies. Looking back, I'm not ever sure if all of the anti-fluffy bunnies were Wiccan or other species of pagan. All I knew in the beginning was Wicca and I thought that's what everyone was: I guess that made me a fluffy bunny. There was so much information out there and 99% of it was Wicca 101. There were so many cheesy pagan websites it was dizzying sifting through them all. And the greater majority of them were saying the same things: correspondences and generic, uninspired spells and rehashed information. The way I remember it most of the pagan sites I came across from about 2001-2003 were utter drivel. They all included the same things: a calender of the eight sabbats, a usually vitriolic disclaimer that Wicca wasn't devil worship, a brief explanation of the common Wiccan rituals tools and that was pretty much it. There was very little personal reflection or interpretation and even less research and scholarship. You know what there was a lot of? Graphics! Shining, spinning, sparkling, color changing, blinking pentacles, triple goddess and horned god symbols on every page of nearly every site.
It was cute for about thirty seconds and then quickly became nauseating.

And here's a little sordid secret: I had one of those crappy websites too! It had some basic information but it mostly consisted of essays I had written for an online Wiccan college (I'm a second degree in a online school, yay!) that was, I believe, called Crystal Waterfall of all things. And while I was a better writer than some I realize now that what I really needed was a blog. My opinion-full essays didn't really belong on a sparkly deep blue website: they belonged in a personal journal. And while I'm not Wiccan anymore by any means I still look back with some fondness on those heady times of techno-paganism and watching the Witchvox membership grow by leaps and bounds.

Wild Sunflowers

2009-08-18T11:39:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

I don't know if these are technically sunflowers but they sure look like it. We didn't plant these; they're volunteers that have popped up all over the back of our garden. I like this shot; it expressed the wildness of nature coupled with the beauty. And the sky behind looks like a watercolor.

These Dreams

2009-08-10T02:29:00.002-05:00

A few years back I had a dream blog. I started it for a variety of reasons, but mostly because writing my dreams down by hand took much longer than it took to type them. I only posted in my dream blog for a few months before I moved on to other things and ditched it. But I've been thinking of starting a new dream blog for a while and I've been getting signals from the universe for a few weeks that a closer examination of my dreams would be a good idea. A startling dream here and there, dream related articles that pop out of seeming nothingness and other signs of synchronicity have been making themselves known to me.

I've done some digging and found that I am not the only weirdo who wants to keep an online dream journal. There are tons of dream journals out there ranging from the very visual yet amazingly language based to those with only the bare facts. In fact, I've found a great site called, you guessed it, Dream Journal and I'm really liking it so far. I know it makes me a traitor to the almighty Blogger but this is a unique site that keeps track of specific facts like whether the dream occurred indoors or in the past, if you were lucid, the setting and feelings, etc., and allows the user to see trends and themes over time. It also offers some interpretive help as well as opening up your dream to the interpretations of other dream bloggers. There's a forum and all kinds of other groovy, helpful things on the site; I highly recommend it. There are a few ads but they're tasteful and not obnoxious so I don't really mind considering the benefits. It's a helluva lot better and much more useful than a handwritten dream journal in my opinion; at least it is to me. So, without further ado I'd like to introduce My Dream Journal.

Easter Egg Colors in the Sky

2009-08-08T16:23:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

These pink clouds and powder blue sky made me think of Easter Eggs for some reason. Not the right time of year for such a thought but a nice image nonetheless. I like how the darkness of the trees help to frame the clouds; the darker clouds at the top and bottom serve to complete the effect. Looking back at my photos over the years I seem to have a love for framing clouds either with other clouds or trees or both. Not only does it look nice (usually!) but it's a good excuse not to print something out and frame it with matte paper-which I always found to be a huge pain in the butt back in the day. Anyway, enjoy the pretty.

Farewell to the Maiden

2009-08-02T01:39:00.007-05:00

My life has changed a lot since I first started down my pagan path. It was ten years ago on Imbolc that I dedicated myself to the triple goddess and the horned god and I'm only just now realizing how far I've progressed. Or, rather, I'm only just now accepting the latest changes that were set in motion when my current incarnation began. The phases of the moon really do apply to the life of a woman; I'm living proof of that. Up until a couple of years ago I really was a maiden: youthful, full of hope with few cares and worries. Oh I still had plenty of work to do, lots of responsibilities and required medication to keep me relatively sane. But a lot of things were different then. I didn't have addicts doing everything they could to ruin my family financially and psychologically. I didn't have a slowly deteriorating parent to worry over and do for. I didn't have but a fraction of the workload I have now. In short: the weight on my shoulders was much lighter than that which weighs upon me now.

I look back on those days of getting my work done and then settling back with my pipe and exhaling all my worries away as some kind of deceptive heaven. It was heaven in that once I took care of business I could relax and forget my worries. It was deceptive because it made me feel, even if for only a small time, that my worries and problems couldn't touch me and if I just kept smoking I'd be okay. And, of course, that wasn't and isn't true. Smoking what I still consider the sacred herb helped me get over some serious pain but it eventually became a crutch. And now that I don't have it I feel like I deserve its benefits much more than I did then. Not because I wasn't suffering hurt that it couldn't help me with but because the stress I'm under now is so much greater than what I experienced back then.

The Maiden is gone. She spent most of her time worrying only about herself, what she wanted, what she needed or what she thought she needed. She had high in the sky hopes of getting back to school and she still thought she was an intellectual. And while she cared for her loved ones she only sometimes put their needs ahead of her own. Most of the time she was more worried about what people thought of her as opposed to whether or not others came up to her own standards. She was neurotic, insecure and self-conscious to a fault much of the time. And while I miss her hopefulness and her energy-and her weed-I don't miss her gullibility or her naivete. I don't miss her dependence on other people or her blinding adherence to their ways.

The Maiden is gone; farewell.

The Internet: Then and Now

2009-07-29T00:07:00.004-05:00

Or, How My Longest Lasting Addiction Has Changed Over the Years

Way, way, way back in the fall of 1995 I moved into a dorm that just happened to have a tiny computer lab on its ground floor. Now, when I say "tiny" I mean damn near minuscule. If my memory serves me, and there's no guarantee it does, I believe there were three or four computers crammed into a glorified closet. One thing I do clearly remember is that there was a two hour time limit for computer usage that was tallied on a sign up sheet. I must have signed that thing a thousand times before the internet got the better of me.

Before I moved away from my little hick town, in which I now live in again, I knew about the internet. I knew it existed at any rate. But I didn't really know what it could mean to me personally or what dangerous fun it could be. But that all changed soon after I discovered a little thing called ISCA. I don't remember what it stood for exactly but I know it was a service out of an Iowa university and it allowed users to talk in real time with anyone else who happened to be connected to ISCA. It was a chat room before they were called chat rooms.

It was such a rinky dinky thing compared to what we have now. There were no smilies, no wallpapers, no graphics, no pretty at all. There weren't even fonts; it was in MS-DOS style for shits sake! It was cuneiform compared to the high falutin' chat rooms around these days. But it was great; it was amazing! I remember for weeks tallying up how far away my chat buddies lived. Here's one from Florida! This guy is from England! Holy shit, this one is from Australia! It was mind blowing, it was awe inspiring and it was fun as hell. But it was also addicting.

Those last few weeks when it got really bad I lived my life in two hour periods. I'd be online for two hours then go eat, shower and perhaps sleep a little for two hours then right back to the internet for two hours. And I did this round the clock for days and days and days. I was hooked. I walked, talked, thought and breathed the internet as I knew it. I was addicted. Obviously, I didn't go to class, wasn't doing schoolwork and barely managed to keep my part time job at Burger King. It got so bad that I had no choice but to withdraw from classes before I had a GPA full of Fs.

That experience taught me a valuable lesson. Or, at least, it forever burned away my immense desire to chat online. I can count on one hand the times I've entered a chat room since then and I don't miss it a bit. In fact, I don't know how I ever enjoyed it. When I look back I think it must have been the fascination and wonder and glory of it all that really hooked me, as opposed to talking with strangers about usually mindless teenage crap. I'm such an anti-social hermit with no tolerance for small talk, i.e. bullshit, that I can't imagine having anything in common with that girl of eighteen.

And, just as I typed the above I realized that was nearly half a lifetime ago. My life can be divided between pre-internet and addiction to internet. After I went back to school later that school year I learned that the internet was much more than chatting. There was this wonderful thing called Netscape and it was wonderful! It was better than ISCA! I could find anything about anything! There was news from all over the world; there were trivia games; there was porn! I remember I was working in the English Department as an office assistant and on my mail slot someone had put a sticker that included my name in the form of a web address. I was a junkie discovering a new, updated and much more highly nuanced form of my preferred drug.

Coming soon: How the Internet Ballooned the Pagan Community, including discussions of techno-pagans, millions of cheesy pagan graphics, fluffy bunnies talking out their asses, the anti-fluffy bunnies talking out their asses and other fun and fascinating bits.

Green Growth

2009-07-18T22:55:00.001-05:00

Since bringing my plants out a couple months back I've learned a valuable lesson: I should have been placing my small San Pedro cactus out in the full sun from the very start. Since it was brought out this spring, and placed out in the yard away from the trees, I swear it's grown at least an inch and a half! And the new growth is thicker and colored a deeper, richer green than the rest. I'm so pleased with it. It's the only perennial I've managed to get started and keep going! I have much, much more experience with annuals and am so happy to know that it is possible for me to nurture a perennial. Now if only I could figure out how the hell to get herbs to not only sprout from seed but stay alive for longer than a few weeks I'd be feeling like a supergreenwitch!

The petunias and other things I planted some weeks back are doing well for the most part, especially considering most were planted much later than I would have liked since our spring took so damn long to get sprung. The eucalyptus plants are doing quite well as are the sage plants. The two basils aren't looking as good as I'd like but I'm experimenting with placement hoping they'll improve. Just this morning the first bloom of the year popped out on the red hibiscus and it's a stunning sight and a joy to behold.

This year our vegetable garden is only a shadow of its former self since we didn't have the funds to repair our tiller, much less buy a new one. So, we've only got fifteen or so tomato plants that we'll start harvesting in the next week or so. When they're ripe we'll have tons of wonderful red juiciness to enjoy. And the dozen or so pepper plants are growing nicely as well but not producing yet. We've harvested and enjoyed quite a bit of lettuce by now and look to have some more pretty soon. We've been lucky enough to get some good corn at the local farmer's markets as well as have some gifted to us.

The fence that we used to have around the compost pile, and that the tornado ripped out, now serves as a great trellis for the cucumber plants. They're nearly chest high and just beginning to set on; we picked the first just today. We've also enjoyed a few sackfuls of homegrown cucumbers gifted to us from friends which has been awesome. They're so good peeled, sliced and soaked in apple cider vinegar with a little salt and pepper. It's super yummy and the vinegar helps the human body better absorb minerals from food. In fact, now that I think of it, cucumbers, as well as tomatoes, are the flavor of summertime. I'd probably include watermelon too. I love homegrown vegetables fresh from the garden! Sure, they can be bought in grocery stores year round these days but nothing beats homegrown veggies. Hothouse vegetables, aside from usually being chemically treated, picked too early and spending days in transit, just don't taste as good. Even if homegrown veggies aren't quite as tender, because of exposure to the hot summer sun, their flavor is unbeatable. Yay for summer food!

How are the green growing things doing around your neck of the woods?

Subtle Rays

2009-07-11T20:09:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

Once again I marvel at the fascinating and freaky formations clouds manage to get themselves into. Or rather, I marvel at the winds, humidity and heights that create the never ending variety of cloud formations. This is another sunset view from these hills; I can't seem to get enough of them lately. I've often said, and I really mean it, that the autumn is my favorite time of year for cloud photography. And that's mostly because the sky is such a vivid, brilliant, deep blue. But nothing beats the summertime for striking sunsets. I guess it's all the moisture in the air that makes for such beautiful and unique views. I also imagine that at least part of my love of summertime sunsets is due to the fact that once the sun goes down, the temperature does too.

Zig Zags in the Sky

2009-07-10T04:57:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

This photo is, like all zigzagging images, confusing as hell to me. I don't know how clouds can makes these kinds of formations and I guess it's not really all that important to my mind. What is important is what the image evokes. It makes me think of the paths we take in our lives. We think we've got things figured out so we take one path. Then we change our minds, or something blocks our way and we head off into another direction. And back and forth we sometimes go on our way through this life.

Neon Sunset

2009-07-10T04:37:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

This image has not been altered in any way, other than a little size reduction.

Jewel Toned Sky

2009-07-09T04:43:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

This is a recent view from the backyard. If you look closely you can just make out the electric lines of our neighbors. Up until now I've had a firm stance about this: I refused to post pictures of the electric lines that ruined my view. But, since I can't get rid of them I'm just gonna have to deal. I still hate them as this was a perfect, perfect view.

In other news, I know I promised a while back that I would be creating some more collage art. Well, health issues are the main reason I haven't gotten to that. My crafty room is also the only room in the house without air conditioning and it being July has made it very uncomfortable up there much of the time. If I ever get my fairly minor health problems straightened out I'm hoping to spend some night times cutting and pasting. I'm still kinda hung up on copyright issues but will probably just say 'to hell with it' and do what I want. It's not like I'm making any money off of this little blog, now am I?

Green Air and White Nights

2009-07-08T02:19:00.000-05:00

I think it's a line from the first book of The Lord of the Rings in which Tom Bombadil mentions the healing and rejuvenating power of "the green smell" and the wonder and joy to be found in nature. The feeling around here these days is a perfect example of that. We had a blessedly comfortable Fourth of July with the air full of smoke and the scent of green growth. We had the nearly full moon on the left of our viewing area and a gathering storm on our right. The brightness of the moon, the lightning of the thunderhead and fireworks everywhere in between coupled with the surprising not-scorching heat made for a very pleasant and visually stimulating holiday. It's indicative of the recent weather and lush greenness of life in these hills lately. While my health has been less-than-perfect, to say the least, lately every time I step outside I feel myself immediately wrapped in a cocoon of green healing energy. The very air seems green and full of potential and while that doesn't solve any of my problems it gives me hope.

It never ceases to amaze me, this phenomena of trees and flowers and the wide open sky instantly lifting my spirits and inspiring me. I can be deep in an unpleasant, unhappy funk and one brief sighting of a crane flying past a brilliant sunset can put the silliest grin on my face. My spirits can be down in the dumps and just a few minutes of owl or whip-poor-will song has me smiling like an idiot. When I get so frantic and jittery that I can't sit still all it takes is a half-hour walk around our immense back yard with the dogs to calm me down and help me find my center. And if I ever find myself wondering why I don't feel as good as I should I just have to remember that, for some reason or another, I haven't communed with the moon for a while.

I hate the time of the new moon. I hate it when I can't speak with Luna. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand the phases of the moon and why we have to have three moonless nights a month. I'm not hating on the nature of the solar system. And I also recognize, with gusto, the significance and power of the moon in all her phases. I recognize and revere Hecate, and her magic, just as much as any other self-respecting witch. But I miss the moon so much when I can't see her. I hate cloudy nights and I hate new moon time for the same reason: I can't see her and I can't feel her anywhere near as keenly as I do when I can see her. Intellectually, I know that even though I cannot see her with my puny human eyes that she is still there. I know she is there during the day but the sun is too bright and won't allow me to see her. I know she is there when nighttime clouds obscure her. And I know she is there during her new phase. I know this. But it doesn't make it any easier.

I don't think I can explain rationally with facts and figures; it's entirely subjective. When it comes to the natural world I truly am a Missourian: I want you to show me! Or at least, when it comes to bird song, let me hear it for myself. I must smell it, feel it, experience it for myself or its meaningless. Okay, it's not meaningless. But without personal firsthand sensory experience I receive no direct and immediate benefit from it. When I can't see the moon, or be outside and smell the green smell, just knowing it's out there doesn't really mean much. It's like reading a nature magazine. It can be fascinating, it can be very educational and it can spurn me into action. It can broaden my horizons and lead me to new pursuits and new interests, but it doesn't heal my soul or my spirit. It doesn't lift me out of a foul mood and it doesn't inspire me. I guess what I'm saying is that learning about nature teaches my brain and that's all well and good. But being outside and experiencing nature through my own senses teaches my soul. And, for that, I will be eternally in awe.

Thoughts on this Fourth

2009-07-04T05:24:00.010-05:00

So the Fourth of July, the American Independence Day, has come again. We have a new president for this one. In fact, for the first time in history, the United States of America will celebrate the fact that we don't speak with English accents with a black man serving as our chief. Oh, how the times have changed. Our country is still in a helluva a lot of trouble. It took eight years of idiocy, greed, shortsightedness and neo-conservative tunnel vision to get us into this mess. So it will naturally take more than half a year to get us out of it. I would like to think, as I'm sure we all would, that things will get better. I imagine they will. Real steps have recently been taken to get us the hell out of Iraq, which can be nothing but good in my opinion. The economy is still in the toilet but I know it won't stay there. Recessions have come and gone many times before and this one will eventually run its course. And while politics are always politics as usual, i.e. more bullshit than substance, I do have some hope for our future. Say what you will about Obama but at least he seems to have a genuinely intellectual brain as opposed to one nearly reduced to mush by cocaine, booze and a lifetime of indoctrination by Christian Conservatives.

I once said the Fourth of July is The Great American Fire Festival and I still hold to that. It is our celebration of freedom won by fire, by bullets and cannons. It is a celebration of fiery bravery, audacity and pure grit. It is a celebration of a momentous win achieved during the hottest, fieriest time of the year in this country. The Fourth may fall two weeks after the Summer Solstice but the heat, fire and strength of the sun is still plenty strong enough to heat up the air, the mind and the soul. Now, as then, its strength and power can help us overcome apparently insurmountable odds. It's only fitting that we mark the day with barbecues filled with sizzling and sumptuous foods. It makes perfect sense that as our forefathers fired guns and set off cannons we today create our own deafening explosions accompanied by brilliant flashes of sparkling, shining colors.

But let's not forget those who have no such cause for celebration. While we're grilling food over the fire or blowing up expensive pyrotechnics and generally enjoying good times with friends and family let's take time to remember those who are still fighting for freedom from tyranny, oppression and cruelty. Let's say a prayer for those wounded and dying, but still brave, student protesters in Iran. Let's ask our respective gods, spirits, guides, etc., to lend some of their support to those fighting for freedom all over the world. Let's give something of ourselves to help those folks who are fighting for independence right now. If we can't send money to support a cause, let's spread the message of their struggles. If we feel we can't reach anyone with our words let's work magic to help them continue the fight. If we can't help them in time let's pray that their passing was quick and painless. If their oppressors killed them slowly and brutally let's pray that their souls can move on from their most recent horrible deaths and perhaps enjoy better times in a future life. While we celebrate our freedom let's not forget those who don't have it.

I wish you a safe, happy, informed and aware holiday.

Image from the Flickrstream of Camera Slayer, licensed by Creative Commons.

Atrocities in Iran

2009-07-01T18:14:00.009-05:00

The hideous image above is an untouched photo of a student protester in Iran. This brave young man is in a coma as a result of being beaten by the demons of the current Iranian government. If anyone ever wanted proof that Islamic folks can be just as good, passionate and decent as anyone else this is it. These people are facing what many call the worst atrocities since the Nazis because they feel their country has been illegally hijacked by hardliners.

In case you've been under a rock lately and haven't been following the news the recent election results in Iran were, to say the very, very least, questionable. They were reported and announced in an unprecedentedly strange way and, even after many questions were peacefully asked by powerful as well as regular folks no answers were given. Hundreds of thousands of people took to the streets in numbers not seen since the 1979 revolution. The largely peaceful protests, mostly by university students, became violent when the governmental forces began killing people out of hand.

To stay abreast of the happenings in Iran visit the Free Iran Facebook page.

P.S. Be sure to check out the comments; Mrs. B. points the way to a Twitter page about this very thing.

Here, Have Some Beck

2009-06-26T17:22:00.006-05:00

I know I haven't been posting, or commenting, all that much lately but you're just gonna have to cut me some slack. It's hot as hell and I've got some (hopefully minor) health concerns to deal with right now. So, here, have some Beck. He mentions pagans in this song but, as with most Beck tunes, I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. Feel free to cuss and discuss. This is a live version of Jack Ass. The original, from Odelay, is much more mellow and trippy but this is great too. Enjoy.

I been drifting along
In the same stale shoes
Loose ends tying a noose
In the back of my mind
If you thought that you were making your way
To where the puzzles and pagans lay
I'll put it together:
It's a strange invitation
When I wake up
Someone will sweep up my lazy bones
And we will rise in the cool of the evening
I remember the way that you smiled
When the gravity shackles were wild
And something is vacant
When I think it's all beginning

I been drifting along
In the same stale shoes
Loose ends tying the noose
In the back of my mind
If you thought that you were making your way
To where the puzzles and pagans lay
I'll put it together:
It's a strange invitation

Punching a Hole

2009-06-19T01:28:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

Another image from the storms of over a week ago.

Weather Weirdness

2009-06-19T00:41:00.005-05:00

Have you ever had a moment, or moments, when something outside or otherwise nature-related that normally brought you joy not only gave you the willies but maybe scared the holy shit out of you? I had a moment like that last week during one of several storms systems that passed through our area. I call our little spot of land Windy Hill for obvious reasons. And we take full advantage of our often blustery weather i.e. we have zillions of wind chimes. Okay, maybe not zillions but dozens.

Almost every corner of all four buildings has a set of chimes hanging from it and the big covered back porch has at least a dozen of its own chimes. So, even when it's just a bit breezy we have the blessed, joyful, uplifting song of wind chimes filtering through the air and the trees. At any point on the property one can always hear wind chimes. The rare occasions when the air is completely still usually occur in the dead of winter. There's also a weird thing that happens just before, sometimes during, or after a thunderstorm hits: sometimes the wind abruptly dies. This is most likely to happen at the freaky time when cigar clouds are trying to stir up tornadoes.

This is what happened one evening last week. I was back by the barn, the front end, not the back end that our last tornado ripped up, and I was joyfully taking pictures of all the freaky, gorgeous and frightening clouds moving past. Say what you will about thunderstorms and tornadoes, and I have, but they make for great photography. Anyway, the wind had been picking up and the clouds were spiraling and turning and churning like they do sometimes before a tornado drops down when everything went dead.

Our near-constant breeze suddenly stopped. It was as if the local spirits, or fairies or Those Who Are in Charge of Air got a punch in the gut and lost their breath. For a few minutes the atmosphere stopped breathing. And just before everything went still and got stuffy the wind chime right behind me gave a small and sad little tinkling of sound as if trying to defy the danger of the storm. It was chilling. You ever have a moment like that?

Mismatched Horizon

2009-06-12T10:48:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

More clouds from one of the storm systems that provided some cool wind and great images.

Pink Rainbow

2009-06-12T01:40:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

It was 8:30 at night, just about a half hour before the sun goes to bed around here. And I looked out and the entire sky was pink. All around, from every window, pink. So, I grabbed the camera and hightailed it out the back door. And what did I find? This rainbow bathed in pink light. I'd never seen such a thing. Nor had I ever seen a rainbow so late in the evening. Gorgeous.

Dark Storm Clouds

2009-06-12T01:14:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

We had two days with storm systems moving through, or mostly past, us in as many days. We didn't get any significant rain or wind but some nice, cooler temperatures for a while. I did take nearly a hundred photos of some spectacular clouds. This is just the first of many nice shots to come. These clouds almost look like cloudy, contaminated water, don't they?

P.S. I'm going to be heading back into the craft room this weekend, so look for some new collage or creative journal projects.

The Great Mother Goddesses

2009-06-10T02:45:00.018-05:00

Or, How Our Own Death Wish is Causing Many of Us to Return to the Old Ways.

Let me preface the following by saying I know nothing of genetics and very little of hardcore science in general. I'm probably going to use various, or many, terms incorrectly and miss the intended point of an important theory. So, if any of you science-y people out there spot errors I encourage you to correct me. Okay, on with the wild ramblings.

Have you heard of the Toba Catastrophe Theory? It states that roughly 70,000- 75,000 years ago a volcano on what is now Sumatra, in Indonesia, blew the Hel up and set in motion a series of environmental effects that caused a pretty drastic bottleneck in the human population. What's a bottleneck in population? That's when something pretty big, nasty and scary, like a plague, earthquake, ice age, volcanic eruption, etc., brings about the deaths of so many beings of a certain species that the descendants of the survivors are incredibly close genetically because so few were left to perpetuate the species. In the case of the Toba eruption it's estimated that perhaps as few as 1,000 breeding pairs of humans survived. There are also estimates that go as high as 10,000 pairs but either way, it was a pretty big damn drop in population. And it got me thinking.

It got me thinking about how many people look to religion and spirituality in hard times. Before I started learning about population bottlenecks, and the Toba disaster is just one of many, I had always wondered about the Great Mother Goddesses. Why were they so important to our ancestors? Why were they most likely the first to be crafted into statuettes? Why were they among the first divinities to be worshiped? Why were they, in many lands, cultures and times, the most loved? Why did they, above so many others, spread out from their homelands and find adherents over many continents? What's so special about them? And the most obvious, and somewhat unsatisfying, answer was that they were in charge of the continuance of human life. They were in charge of sexuality that led to conception, pregnancy, birth and growth leading eventually back to sexuality. They were the ultimate creators, the supreme progenitors, they were the mothers of us all.

Seems pretty simple, right? Why then, I ask you, did the worship of said Great Mother Goddesses die out and eventually become despised? What made them so important and then, at best, meaningless and, at worst, evil? I know, I know. It's the fault of the Judeo-Christians and their comparatively new religions. But things must have changed to allow for such a male-centric mythos to take hold. What could it have been? Answer: The population had long since stabilized and the need for Great Mother Goddesses had waned. Which means something major must have happened long, long before that to make the production of children an extremely high priority for nearly everyone alive. But what could that have been? Answer: An extraordinary drop in the population and the resultant desperation.

Now skip ahead a couple thousand years. People began returning to the old ways and the old gods about the time of the Industrial Revolution. Just about the time factories began spewing poison into the air, the water, earth and the bodies of every living creature on the planet a few folks here and there started looking back to the ancient religions. The Great Mother Goddesses become more and more important just as pollutants, pesticides and other chemicals started invading every aspect of life. It's not the same as a massive volcanic eruption, a meteor plowing into the Earth or the plague but we may be creating our next population bottleneck. As the human-made problems of global climate change, industry-induced cancer and infertility, and our own medicines poisoning our drinking water begin to weigh on us more people are turning back to the ancient ways. As our human situation grows ever more precarious the number of Great Mother Goddess, and other pagan, adherents has risen. Coincidence? I think not.

I don't think it's about simple fear either. If it were then many people would just turn to whatever religion is handy, whichever religion is acceptable i.e. the dominant religions, that of the Judeo-Christians. No. More and more people are turning to a form of religion and spirituality that is very much not acceptable to the majority of our fellow citizens. Why? Why would this current threat to our race cause such a thing? It's because the situation is radically different this time. It's something that hasn't happened ever before in the history of our race and our planet. Instead of a volcanic eruption or a plague or other disaster that we have no control over we are putting ourselves at risk. We are killing ourselves.

Our own technological advancement, our "progress" is putting our very existence as a race at risk. And because said progress involves a would-be domination of the Earth, untold and unnecessary cruelty, unparalleled waste and monumental greed many of us are not just turning away from the mainstream way of living, eating, consuming and working. We are returning to the ancient ways because we feel and know, at least subconsciously, that the ways of the Great Mother Goddesses, and their cohorts, are the only things that can save us. If we don't return to living in balance with the land and learn to embrace life, and all its joys and indignities, as sacred then we are doomed to destroy ourselves. If we don't return to the Great Mother Goddesses we are doomed to create the next human population bottleneck.

Plantings and More Plantings

2009-06-08T01:38:00.003-05:00

We've spent an obscene amount of money at local greenhouses lately and have been very busy planting. To begin with, I got 3 dozen impatiens put in the front bed. I decided against reviving my old herb garden and, instead, will have a few potted herbs around my shiny new outdoor altar. So far, I've got two pots of sage, one eucalyptus, my 3-year-old San Pedro cactus and a few wave petunias and princess feathers around my altar. On the back porch there are two pots of basil, another eucalyptus, regular petunias and wave petunias and a brilliant purple ornamental globe amaranth. I also put together one washtub of marigolds and another of gold, confetti and lavender lantanas. Along the fence we've got four window boxes of wave petunias. I also put in a good start of spearmint along the fence well away from anything else so it can spread and grow to its little greedy hearts content. I put in a dozen or so dianthus in the bed way out to the left of the house. We've also got some scarlet begonias in three plastic hanging bags which I think looks tacky but everyone else outvoted me. Still to pot up is another big flat of wave petunias.

We also brought out our plants that overwintered under the grow lights in the back bedroom. The two Christmas cacti and the ten or so other cacti are in place and looking well. All three of the big sprengeri's need to be transplanted into bigger pots as does the schefflera, the peace lily, the tree philodendrum and the Norfolk Island pine. Unfortunately, all of the aforementioned plants are already huge and larger pots would run into many hundreds of dollars so I'm not sure what we're gonna do with them. We have a bunch of big old metal washtubs that we usually keep outside for flowers but I'm afraid we'll have to use some of them for the larger plants. Even so, they're not really big enough to accomodate these big plants, so I'm stymied.

Still to procure are another dozen or so impatiens to finish the front bed, two or three flats of begonias for our regularly begonia-filled washtubs, lavender, thyme, rosemary, dill and I'd like an aloe since kittens killed all of mine a couple of years ago. There was a nice, big aloe at one of the greenhouses we visited but they wanted $8 for it and I just couldn't go that high. If we had the money we've also got a dozen or so washtubs and hundreds of pots in all shapes and sizes. But as far as flowers and herbs go we've gotten almost everything we want.

As for the vegetables: our radishes are already done and our lettuce is gonna get eaten this week. We bought jalepenos and cayenne peppers and they're in the garden already. There are about a dozen tomato plants in the ground and a nice spot for the cucumbers to grow around as soon as they sprout. Still to plant are the okra seeds and we also hope to procure some banana peppers. We've taken advantage of the wreckage that the storm blew off the barn and now have a unique method of limiting weed growth. The big pieces of metal roofing now serve as an ugly, if useful, form of weed control. They completely block sunlight from reaching the ground between the rows. So, the storm may have scared the holy hell out of us and ripped up the barn and our roof but it's also helping us grow some veggies. It might not be an even trade but it's something, ain't it?

That's the gardening news from these hills, how are the green growing things doing in your neck of the woods?

Exclamation Point

2009-06-08T01:34:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

Mystery Shrubbery: Solved!

2009-06-04T23:15:00.000-05:00

Can you identify this mystery shrubbery? This was already here when we moved in over five years ago and has nearly doubled in size since then. If you don't know it could you ask Roger the Shrubber? Ni!

Thanks to Nettle, Maebius, Marion and Riverwolf I have learned that this shrubbery is a spirea. It's spirea douglasii to be exact. My mom and I have been arguing back and forth about this and, after much research, we've discovered that the spirea she knew as a child is the old-fashioned, traditional white "bridal wreath" spirea introduced in 1845, which is very different from our current flashy, purply-pink variety. There is somewhere between forty and eighty varieties, from multi-sized shrubs to ground cover plants. They grow pretty much all over, according to most websites, but are evergreen in warmer places like California and the deep south.

Thanks to everyone for chiming in and helping me solve this mystery!

Big Ship Passing By

2009-06-02T23:11:00.000-05:00

Click image(s) for larger version(s).

A thunderhead that passed by, rumbled a bit, but didn't obscure our glorious spring sunshine.

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch

2009-05-31T22:25:00.011-05:00

Or, If You Still Aren't Recycling Here's a DAMN GOOD REASON to Start

What is the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, you say? Well, it's a huge floating pile of trash all clobbered together in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. What is it? It's mostly plastics. Plastics like that water bottle you just threw in the trash. Plastics like that wrapper you just threw out the window. Plastics like that gallon jug you left by the creek at the camping area. It's estimated that only about 20% of the trash comes from ships. The other 80% comes from land sources, like through rivers, drainage, etc. And here's the kicker: it's big. How big, you say? It's ROUGHLY TWICE THE SIZE OF FUCKING TEXAS!

How does it stay in one general area? This article from the LA Times perhaps puts it best:

This is known as the Eastern Garbage Patch, part of a system of currents called the North Pacific subtropical gyre. Located halfway between San Francisco and Hawaii, the garbage patch is an area of slack winds and sluggish currents where flotsam collects from around the Pacific, much like foam piling up in the calm center of a hot tub.

Pretty scary, eh? And this is only the biggest patch! They exist in all the oceans all over the world!

If anyone ever needed a reason to start, and stick with, recycling this is a good one. Why aren't you recycling? Too much work, too much hassle? You have a busy life, you have lots of responsibilities, lots to see, do, learn, people to meet, etc., and you just don't have the time for it? It's not worth the effort? I wonder what the innocent animals who live in the water think of your rationalizations. Some animals, like this sea turtle, become trapped and deformed by the floating trash. Some ingest it and die either from starvation, suffocation or from the plastic painfully twisting their innards. Some get trapped in larger piles and simply can't get out, so they starve to death with a clear view of freedom and food. From the same LA Times article:

An estimated 1 million seabirds choke or get tangled in plastic nets or other debris every year. About 100,000 seals, sea lions, whales, dolphins, other marine mammals and sea turtles suffer the same fate.

And if that's not enough to get you off your ass consider this: the trash doesn't just hurt the animals within its immediate area.

Plastics are derived from petroleum. The heat of the sun, as well as ultraviolet rays, causes the plastics to break down into water and carbon dioxide thus adding to the problem of global climate change. While it's still floating the plastic blocks sunlight, interrupting the growth of algae, which also adds to the problem of global climate change. You see, algae eats carbon dioxide, loves the stuff. There are even experiments going on to feed iron to algae thus creating a boom in their growth and a lowering of carbon dioxide. It's not just the animals who are suffering. By refusing to recycle we are, in effect, killing ourselves.

If you aren't already recycling your plastics, numbers 1 and 2, start now! There's no time like the present! There are recycling centers all across this land and many, many larger towns and cities include recycling pickup with their regular trash service, often at no extra cost. What's stopping you? Yeah, it's a new routine but once you've gotten into it you will be amazed at how simple it is, how easy it is. Rinse things out, get rid of the lid and label and toss the item into a set aside recycling bin. Then, either put it on the curb or gather it all together every few months or so. You'll be doing your part to make sure the Garbage Patches of the world don't get any bigger. You'll make yourself feel good and you just might teach your kids something about environmental responsibility. Even if you don't give a shit about the animals of the oceans at least get to recycling for the sake of yourself, your own children and your race.

A Green Study in Light

2009-05-25T01:02:00.000-05:00

Click for larger version.

Here's two different versions of the same view of the yard and trees, taken seconds apart. One, the darker image, was taken with the flash and the other, obviously, with no flash. It's just something I've been experimenting with. I don't have a great camera so I'm trying to learn what I can do with what I have. I like both images but I feel the darker image more clearly conveys how I feel when I'm in this area of the yard. Most of these trees are pretty old and have rarely, if ever, been trimmed. They are wild and woolly and create an almost forest-like atmosphere. They are somewhat dense and many have branches that almost touch the ground. This is only one view of this area of the yard but I think it's a pretty good indicator of why I love it so much: it's the nearest I can get to a forest, that's why I love it so much.

P.S. Sorry the sizes don't match, I got a little shrink-crazy after uploading.

Damage

2009-05-24T22:30:00.005-05:00

There's been a few new facts come to light regarding our recent severe weather here in these hills. For one thing, after spending several hours picking up many, many limbs and branches I realized that the tornado had freed our trees of their excess baggage. The Great Ice Storm of January 2007 caused incredible damage to every tree within several hundred miles of our house. There isn't a tree around here that didn't lose at least a few limbs. And even with our best efforts we just couldn't get all of them down after the weather warmed. That's been over two years ago and we were still working on getting all of those old limbs down. The tornado took care of a lot of those in one morning. So I guess one good thing came from the terror of May 8.

We've had one insurance adjuster do his thing recently, but not for the barn. Rather, this fella looked at the roof of the house, something we hadn't even really thought about considering the major structural damage to the barn. It turns out though that we had at least 75 mile an hour winds and hail that was at least as big as golf balls. So the greater part of the roof will have to be replaced. I imagine our insurance company just loves us as the only part of the roof that doesn't need replacing is the part that was replaced after the ice storm. So, two years, two storms, two huge roof jobs. I also discovered today, after pulling back the drapes, that my sliding glass doors are just about to fall to bits. They've always been ugly, with the outsides covered in white water stains, but the hail of this last storm really did a number on them. Looking back, I do remember hearing things hit them when I was waking up that day but the wind was so scary that I guess I forgot about the hail. It all adds up to a bunch of work for the insurance folks and hopefully a big enough check to repair all of the damage.

On a more introspective note, I do understand that violent weather serves many purposes. The most obvious reason, alluded to above, is just the simple idea of washing away the old thus allowing the new to come forth. Our trees don't look quite as shaggy now that most of the dead stuff has been blown off. Severe weather also goes a long way to proving to us mere, and yet endlessly arrogant humans, that we are but small parts of creation. Yes, we are sentient, we are conscious, we are mighty. We can create great things and we have a great capacity for destruction as well. But nothing beats Mama Nature, nothing! We can invest millions of dollars in research and development, we can put our best and brightest to work on new ideas and new concepts and we can build with the strongest, most advanced materials. But if she wants to do some damage one swift swipe of her arm or even a sidelong glance can unmake our greatest achievements and unbuild our greatest structures. There's no contest. We are mighty enough to make this planet dangerous to ourselves and other living beings but we can't even approach the power of She Who is In Charge.

Right in Two

2009-05-24T00:56:00.000-05:00

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I've always liked this tree. It looks like it's weighed down by worry and care, split in two by it. Aside from the fact that it's good to climb in, for those young and limber enough, it's eye catching. Any tree that has stark divisions is, to me, a tree with character, worthy of capture on film.

Up There

2009-05-23T00:46:00.000-05:00

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This is our tulip poplar. It's in bloom right now but you can't tell from this shot, sorry. There will be more to follow as I'm hearing a loud call to turn my obsessive attention away from clouds and to trees for a change. I've always loved the look and idea of sunlight through fresh green leaves. Not only does it produce beautiful shades of green but the very idea of the life giving light streaming through the branches of some of it's most majestic children makes me feel, all at once, insignificant and also an important part of the whole.

Springborn Altar

2009-05-21T19:12:00.000-05:00

I got a new keyboard, yay!!

The above image is my first outdoor altar that I've put together just for myself. The table top is actually marble that a good friend brought over from his place of work; it was left over after an older building was torn down or renovated, I can't remember which. The wood is from our sycamore tree that The Great Ice Storm of January 2007 took out. Since sycamore is a soft wood these blocks won't last more than a couple of years but there are always trees coming down around these parts somewhere and I have an "in" with someone who has access to trees removed by city cleanup folks. So, it's not going to be an everlasting altar but is semi-permanent. It's hard to tell from this image but most of the rocks on the ground have little, or lots, of quartz or gypsum, or both. These are rocks I took from the little stand of trees down the hill from house; it was hard work but worth it! There are also some rocks with interesting fossil imprints, a few holey river rocks and a couple of (to me) unusual rocks from Minnesota. Since I'm such a rock hound I will, of course, be adding more as time goes by. The little black thing that kinda looks like a knife is actually an old railroad tie that I saved with rustproof black paint. Ever since I found it I thought it would make a great ritual tool perhaps as a stand in for a knife or wand. However, I don't really use either in my workings so I don't know what I'll use the tie for. Maybe I'll leave it there to add to the rustic look.

I don't know why it took me so long to finally put together an outdoor altar. I've been thinking about it for year and years. I've mentioned before my disinclination, or inability, to use fancy, store bought ritual items and it still holds true. I just don't care much for the expensive, or even expensive looking, ritual tools. All of that sterling silver and brightly polished stuff usually leaves me magically cold. Yeah, it looks nice and if someone gifted me something like that I would be eternally grateful. But I just prefer old, weathered things I find along the way. The rail road tie came from the bottom of box of auction items. And many of my magical items have come from an old pickup truck that was left to rot way back behind our house. It's a really old funky truck that's at least 70 years old and chock full of treasures. Inside it was a veritable shitload of horse shoes and the remains of a big 'ol glass thermometer which I plan to dig out and add to the outdoor altar.

The vase holds a few of our roses and a bit of honeysuckle and it's just a small sampling of the wonderful blooms and blossoms to be found in these hills. I simply love how all of our neighborhood flowers are opening up. Our compost roses are going wild and our other rose bush will be covered with blooms in another week. There's pretty, but scentless, honeysuckle next to the chimney and delicious wild honeysuckle along the driveway. The peonies, planted several years ago, have finally put forth two large and intoxicating blossoms over the grave of our dear, departed Dalmatian Missy. The multi-flora wild white roses are popping out too. I love them so much and still can't believe it when people go to great lengths to kill them. They have pretty foliage, gorgeous, copious white flowers and they seem very resistant to mold and bugs. And, as if that weren't enough, they smell heavenly! Once bush can perfume an entire country yard!

Since we were nearly drowning for a few weeks everything is growing by wild leaps and bounds. We just finished mowing the other day and will have to start again this weekend. Now that we've had some dryer days folks are cutting hay like mad. All of the grasses and trees and foliage paint the landscape with a multitude of gorgeous greens. There are deep, forest greens, and vivid emeralds along with bright, yellowy-greens and every shade in between! And the sky is so brilliantly blue that just stepping outside is like falling into a painter's palette replete with the freshest scents. It's absolutely heavenly. I'm so glad spring has finally taken hold; it's healing my battered and bruised heart and psyche. Spring; it does a body, mind and soul good!

P.S. We now have bats and lightning bugs, double yay!!

One Sided Rays

2009-05-19T21:13:00.000-05:00

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Contrasts

2009-05-11T04:43:00.000-05:00

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Storm Damage as Art?

2009-05-10T04:39:00.000-05:00

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We had a big storm blow through these parts Friday morning. Here's the back of our barn, now sans roof. Quite a bit of structural damage, more than we've ever had, but no one was hurt.

Top Heavy, Again

2009-05-09T04:37:00.000-05:00

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A Close Call

2009-05-09T02:55:00.003-05:00

This is the back of the barn, or what's left of it after the thunderstorm of this morning. I woke up about 7 a.m. to the sound of thunder and the feel of my Spikey dog shaking in fear. The poor guy is terrified of thunder so I put my arms around him and spoke soothing words to help him get through the storm. But the storm didn't abate as was expected. It got a lot worse really fast and the wind intensified a great deal. A great deal.
On an intellectual level I knew I needed to get moving and get the dogs downstairs and unplug the computer and see to the windows and whatnot. But I have to confess something: for a very brief moment the wind was so strong that I thought there was no point in getting out of bed because I was going to die before I could make it down the stairs. That's how strong the winds were.
Here's a picture of a block ripped out of its concrete home.

Let me put this in perspective. I've lived in the Ozarks of southwest Missouri all of my nearly 32 years and I've had a lot of scares. We've had lightning strike 10 feet behind our house. We've had lightning run in on our phone line and blow up our computer. Granted, the computer just made a little pop and a puff of smoke but the simultaneous huge crash of thunder scared the holy hell out of all of us. We've had an ice storm that turned our homeland into a disaster area. There was a time when we had so much water running through our driveway that we couldn't get a car through it. And we've had tornadoes jump from street to street and just narrowly miss our house. But I have never seen or felt anything like this. The jury is out as to whether or not we had an actual tornado do this damage or if it was just strong winds. I honestly don't know if I care.

Tornado or not it did some pretty serious damage and it could have killed us. If this force had hit our house instead of the very back of the barn things could have been a lot worse. I've already said it several times today and I'll say it again: if I had been given a choice as to where the damage would be done that's the spot I would have chosen. The barn is the least important of our buildings and it sits the farthest away from the house. The back of the barn is a good 200 yards or so from the house and there's a big ass three car garage between it and the house. There's also a bunch of trees and a short fence between the house and the barn which somehow managed to keep a lot of the wreckage from reaching the house.

The winds were so strong for so long I was expecting the big front windows to get blown out at any second. I was waiting for windows all over the house to burst apart with load crashes. I was hoping the roof of the house would stay attached. After it was finally over I was expecting to find numerous dead critters when I stepped outside. As it was we did have one dead tree frog on the back porch. Amazingly enough it doesn't seem like any of the barn cats were hurt. I don't know exactly how many live back there as they rarely show themselves but I walked all over the area and found no bodies. You see that smashed up metal fence? That was a nearly 8 foot wide circle that surrounded our compost pile. You can just make out the roses this wreckage is smashing. But we can't move anything until the insurance adjuster shows up sometime in the next few days. It won't be quick as there have been so many claims called in to our local office. And while I'm not looking forward to the $1000 deductible I am very thankful that the damage wasn't any worse.

In the above image you can just make out part of the 80 feet of wiring that was pulled out.

I'm not entirely sure the depth of the situation has set in. I'm not ready for philosophical musings. The facts are too close to me right now. I am unable to clearly express myself about this. I haven't had time to gain perspective as I'm still kinda freaked out. I probably won't sleep for a while for fear of a similar rude awakening. Perhaps in the coming days, or months, I'll have something profound to say about the happenings of today. For now though, all I can come up with is "holy shit!" and "praise the gods!"

Stump Returning 2

2009-05-03T05:00:00.000-05:00

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Another shot of the stump as it returns to, or is taken over by, the Earth Mother. This is about a week and a half after the the original image.

Rippling Waves in the Sky

2009-05-01T22:05:00.000-05:00

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I've never been on the ocean, never even seen the ocean from a beach. But this image makes me think of scary seas, heavy with the threat of violence. I can just see, in my mind's eye, a ship tossing and turning and spinning in the frightening child of waves that might look like this.

Clash of the Song Titans

2009-04-30T03:47:00.005-05:00

Last night as the sun was going down, but well before it was actually dark, our friendly neighborhood mockingbird made it abundantly clear that he had returned to said neighborhood. In fact, he was belting out the tunes and putting on quite a show at the edge of the garden. I happened to be within 40 feet of him, as I was taking pictures of the sunset, and got an earful. I love mockingbirds. I understand that some people don't care for them and all I can say about that is that there's no accounting for taste. Mockingbirds are the radio stations of the bird world. If you don't care for a certain song just wait a minute and a different song will start up. They are excellent indicators of which birds are in a particular area and they're just plain funny and entertaining. I was so glad to hear him singing.

While I was enjoying the sunset and mockingbird show suddenly a lone coyote started belting out the usual high, piercing, woman-screaming-with-a-knife-in-her-back call. What was unusual was the timing. Our local coyotes have never, to my knowledge, made such calls during the daytime. Granted, I did see an apparently pregnant female cross the highway just a couple hours after dawn the other day so maybe that's related. But it was still weird to hear a coyote call at that time of day. Usually I don't hear them until well after dark, sometimes not until well after midnight.

At any rate, the mockingbird and the coyote seemed to be aware of each other and gradually became even louder and more insistent. I'm not sure if the coyote could actually hear the mockingbird as it was likely too far away. But it was obvious the mockingbird could hear the coyote. And, wow, was the mockingbird miffed that his song was being interrupted. His singing got louder and even more energetic and I basked in the joy of the moment.

I've had other joyful bird sightings and hearings lately. Yesterday I saw a pair of scarlet tanagers which are a beautiful, brilliant red. They were flitting around the back yard and around the garden and, while the sighting was brief, I got a kick out of it. Our local bat has been sighted, but not yet by me, so I'm still looking forward to it. Some sparrows are building a nest in one of our birdhouse hanging from the garage and gradually all of our bird friends are returning. And, joy of joys, I heard a whip-poor-will yesterday just before dawn.

At our old house we had one who spent all night moving around our house. It was heavenly hearing him sing all night, every night all through the spring and summer months. We've only very occasionally heard a whip-poor-will around here and I've missed it terribly. I've been known to express pity for those who have never heard the song of the whip-poor-will and I had a thought about it while cruising YouTube. So, here ya go!

Here's hoping our local whip-poor-will sticks around! And here's hoping we all have a happy spring! (Or a happy autumn for those down under!)

Finally Spring!

2009-04-26T16:11:00.010-05:00

I saw my first hummingbird of the year the day before yesterday. I saw my first indigo bunting of the year today! It's finally warm enough that I've actually felt genuinely hot while busy working. The colors of spring are bursting forth all around us: pink and white dogwoods, the whites of cherry trees, the soft purple of lilac and the muted yet brilliant purple-pink of the little redbud trees along the driveway. According to Riverwolf all the bright colors of spring prove that April is the gayest month and I think he might be right. When else do we see such brilliant hues from the Earth Mothers palette?

The spring air is simply luscious! The scent of fresh cut grass and the spring flowering plants fill the air. Here on Windy Hill we always get a heavy dose of the perfume of spring and I'm really appreciating it. Our winter was so long I think I'd forgotten the wonders of the fresh green smell! There's nothing finer for me than walking the dogs in the yard and soaking up all the green. I let my hair fall down and the wind does its best to carry it away and I just love it! For an interesting and insightful wind-related blogging check out Aquila ka Hecate's Trees Genuflect Before the Wind.

While we've got a lot more gardening yet to do this spring I am happy to report that our radishes (above) and lettuce (below) are sprouting up nicely.

Our main garden still needs tilling as our 5 year old tiller has quit on us. We're hoping to borrow or rent a tiller without breaking the already stretched thin bank. My witch hazels along the back fence are gaining height which pleases me immensely. As per our custom we'll wait another 2 weeks before bringing out the plants that over wintered under the grow lights in the extra back bedroom. About that time we'll also purchase and plant our favorite potted plants like impatiens, petunias and marigolds. I'm so looking forward to it. This winter held on with a tight grip and I am very relieved to see it leave. I'm looking forward to dirt under my nails and fresh produce from the garden.

May your spring be blessed and portend a glorious summer!

Nerdy Joygasm

2009-04-25T05:14:00.007-05:00

Gillian Anderson, the X-Files star, is being lined up to appear in a forthcoming episode of Dr Who, it has been reported.

The 40-year-old, best known for her role as FBI Special Agent Dana Scully in the sci-fi drama, is expected to be cast opposite the new Doctor Matt Smith.

Doctor Who's makers want the London-based actress to appear in a one-off special episode as a deadly enemy of the Time Lord

Telegraph.

You can't see me but, trust me, ever since I first read this article I've been doing an inner, and sometimes outer, happy dance. I LOVE Gillian Anderson. I think I was fated to love The X-Files and nearly everything about it. I mean, really, how many people share their first name with an X-Files episode title? (50 points if you're geeky and lucky enough to guess it. Real life friends, all three of you, don't get to play.) I even love Anderson in The House of Mirth and not just because I like the book; she's just a great Lily Bart. And as much as I love Doctor Who I've been less than enthusiastic about the new doctor since he's so incredibly young. I imagine many in the Whoniverse are wondering if this twenty-something can pull off portraying a dark god of over 900 years. But Anderson's inclusion in the series, even if it is only one episode, is enough to convince me to keep my hopes up about the new series.

This is mostly clips from the first movie with "Exit Music (For a Film)" by Radiohead, which is on OK Computer. Video made by YouTuber ilx2002.

Cherry Tree in Bloom

2009-04-22T16:18:00.001-05:00

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Know Thyself Deadbeat

2009-04-21T17:52:00.009-05:00

From heaven descends the maxim Know Thyself - To be taken to heart and remembered, whether you're choosing a wife, or aiming to win a seat in that august body the Senate. Thersites never laid claim to Achilles' armour: Ulysses did - and look at the show he made of himself. If you decide to plead some touch-and-go case, where vital issues hang in the balance, take stock of yourself, get it clear just what you are - a talented, forceful speaker or a third-rate windbag.

- Juvenal, Roman satirist

The famous phrase Know Thyself was inscribed on the temple of Apollo at Delphi in Greece. History tells us that Apollo himself imparted this maxim to one of the Seven Sages. Whatever the original source I think some folks need to revisit it and take some notes. I don't bring it up for any philosophical purpose. I'm not quoting Juvenal seeking drollery. I'm using it to illustrate that I have plenty of company when I become incredibly irritated when I come across certain individuals who, for some strange reason, behave as if they are a god’s gift to the rest of us smelly mortals despite the fact that they are worthless sacks of shit.

To begin with I must say I, along with the rest of the world, dislike being in the company of arrogant folks. It's just irritating and unpleasant no matter how you slice it. But, and this is a big but, some people can perhaps be forgiven for their arrogance if they have indeed achieved great things. If you've walked on the moon then, yes, you can be forgiven for a little arrogance. If you've saved a human life, then yeah, I think you're entitled to a pretty high opinion of yourself. But my willingness to forgive a little arrogant behavior is not usually extended to plain old ordinary folks. And it most certainly is not extended to flat out losers.

Now, for the sake of clarity let me define "losers". I'm not referring to folks who don't have a paying job yet still do lots of work in that they keep a clean house, lovingly raise children and maintain creative and intellectual interests; they're not losers, far from it. No. Rather, when I say "losers" I am referring to those who accomplish nothing day in day out despite the fact that they have responsibilities and are perfectly capable of fulfilling said responsibilities. I'm referring to people so worthless that they cannot be bothered to get off their asses to do anything constructive, positive or progressive. These folks are the lowest forms of bullshit in my opinion and have NO right to be arrogant. And yet some of these people consider themselves not only worthy of respect but deserving of adulation. These people are not only losers but stupid, deluded losers full to the brim with unfounded arrogance.

Fortunately for me I have only come across a few of these types of people in my life. But those few times have nearly driven me from irritation straight to rage. I guess I should be thankful that they are so easily recognizable. You know the type; we all do. They consider themselves above physical labor of any kind because they are too busy with their passionate pursuits of playing video games and whatever the hell else lazy, self-indulgent people do all day. They have no job and shirk their household or familial duties, however few or many they may be. They live with relatives or friends, contribute little or nothing and yet expect that everything will be, and should be, given to them. Why? Well, because they're special of course.

They had a rough childhood so they're entitled. Or not everyone liked them in high school so they are the exception to every rule. Or their dreams didn't come to fruition so they're allowed to do whatever they want - which usually means very little. They've got a limitless supply of ridiculous excuses involving convoluted tales of persecution. They're often full of sob stories that not only rationalize their lazy, self-centered existence but express their self-image as a put upon individual so complex no one can comprehend what they've endured. They can't lift a finger to actually accomplish anything and yet, for all this, they act as if their shit doesn't stink. They carry themselves with a heavy, dense air of accomplishment and expect the rest of us to defer to them in all matters.

Well, guess what buddy? Your shit does stink. In fact, you stink with the stench of lies, selfishness and Grade A bullshit. I don't care what so-called problems keep you from getting a job or picking up after yourself. If you feel good enough about yourself to demand the admiration of everyone you meet then you're obviously not so depressed that you can't get off your ass and do something constructive. There are plenty of people who have suffered but still most of them manage to drag their ass off the couch and take care of business. Do something with yourself. Prove you are worthy of life. Then we'll see if you deserve any respect and admiration.

There. I feel a little better now.

Memento Mori Tree

2009-04-21T17:13:00.001-05:00

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Here's the remains of a tree trunk that was killed by the Ice Storm of January 2007. I like the contrast between the big 'ol dead tree trunk and the fresh, bright green of the spring growth around it. There are some of my images of said ice storm here, here, here, here and here.

American Hate Groups

2009-04-17T06:50:00.009-05:00

The Southern Poverty Law Center has released the results of their study of hate groups across the United States; they report that there are 926 active groups. To see how many of these groups are active in your neighborhood visit their Hate Groups Map. The map, and the overall results, paints a pretty depressing, if fascinating, picture. The hot topic of immigration has been an obvious boon to American hate groups as they have seen a 54% jump since 2000. And given that President Obama is our first African-American president I'm not surprised that American hate groups have seen a 4% increase since 2007.

I'm also not surprised to learn that my home state of Missouri has at least 30 known hate groups. And I guess I always knew in the back of my mind that there were surely some racist organizations around my own area of southwest Missouri. This is the Ozarks after all, land of hillbillies and rednecks. But I was somewhat surprised, not to mention dismayed, to learn that there so many so close to me. There's something like 5 or 6 within an hour of my home!

I don't know quite how to feel about the Christian Identity brand of hate group and its connections to Norse neopagans. According to the SPLCenter:

In recent years, deep doctrinal disputes, the lack of a central church structure, and a shift among white supremacists towards agnosticism and racist variations of neo-Paganism have weakened the Identity movement and reduced the number of its adherents.

I've always been aware that a very small subset of Neopagans was of the racist variety but to see it discussed in such a matter of fact manner is chilling, to say the least. As far back as 1998 the SPLC has been discussing the racist varieties of Asatru and Odinism but did at least concede that:

Some 40 Websites are devoted to forms of Asatrú (most of them nonracist).

A later 2001 interview with a Swedish expert goes farther. A professor from Stockholm, Mattias Gardell, states that there are three distinct types of Norse neopagans:

There are really three positions: the militant racists, the nonracists and, in between, a third, "ethnic" position.

While I'm not of the Nordic persuasion I think Gardell did a pretty fair job of making it plain that just because one is a Norse neopagan does not necessarily mean one is a racist. He does, however, tend to lump all neopagans into one group. Or, rather, he simply leaves out the non-Norse neopagans. But as he is discussing racism within neopaganism he can perhaps be forgiven for that.

There's also another map worth visiting at the SPLC site. It's the the interactive Stand Strong Against Hate map which allows visitors to add their name and home state information in a show of tolerance. It might not really accomplish much but it is nice to see so many positive green spots on the map as opposed to the red hate group dots. Said page also has a list of recently reported hate crimes which is, again, depressing as hell but important nonetheless.

As I said on Inauguration day:

I don't know if today is the fulfillment of King's dream or just the beginning of the fulfillment of his dream.

We have an African-American president; we have made great strides. But racism, religious hatred and all that goes with it are still very much alive in this country. The above links speak to that. We haven't achieved all of our progressive goals simply because Obama won the election. We've turned a corner, yes, but we still have a long way to go now that the haters of this country are redoubling their efforts.

Blush of Spring

2009-04-17T03:20:00.001-05:00

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Early Morning Silhoutte

2009-04-16T07:20:00.001-05:00

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The Pope Did What?

2009-04-13T02:21:00.006-05:00

So, we all know about the many cases of Catholic priests sexually molesting and abusing their church members, in most cases young boys. According to this AlterNet article there's been nearly 5000 priests officially accused of abusing children. When I first read that figure I wasn't sure I believed it, but this study commissioned by the US Catholic Church confirms it. While the number of cases investigated, and successfully prosecuted, is much lower that figure of 5000 accused priests is still pretty resounding. Imagine it: thousands of kids sexually abused by their only link with their God: a priest. And, lest we forget and the report points out, that abuse wasn't limited to inappropriately suggestive conversation or the viewing of pornographer. There was actual forced penetration being done against these children and some of them were younger than 7 years of age! And out of all those priests accused none of them have been excommunicated by the Pope. Some voluntarily went to counseling, some went to jail, some quietly retired from their posts and some just went on to find a new batch of victims in a different parish. But NONE of them were ever kicked out of the Church. Now, keep those facts in your head while I go on to the next bit.

From the AlterNet article:

"Nearly 5,000 Catholic priests [in the U.S.] have sexually abused over 12,000 Catholic children…but they were not excommunicated," says Father Roy Bourgeois, who faced the latter scenario after helping celebrate what the Vatican considers to be an illegitimate ordination mass in August 2008. Bourgeois, a Vietnam veteran with a Purple Heart who became a prominent peace activist, stood with the trailblazers of the female ordination movement in Lexington, Ky., to make Janice Sevre-Duszynska a Catholic priest.

For thumbing his nose at one of the most sacred tenets of the conservative hierarchy -- that only men are worthy of the priesthood -- Bourgeois was swiftly rebuked by the Vatican in a letter two months later, telling him he had 30 days to renounce his actions or face excommunication.

Yep, you read that right the first time. I had to read it a few times myself. It's apparently okay to willfully abuse a sacred trust by molesting and raping small children but if you place a woman, A FEMALE, on the same level as a man then you're out of the Church! Can you believe this shit? Perhaps I'm oversimplifying in an explicit way but what the Catholic Church is essentially saying is this: if you are a male, and a priest, it's perfectly okay to take a five-year-old boy into the confessional, strip his clothes off, hold him down, ignore his cries and pleas and purposely insert your penis into his anus with bloody force but if you dare to ordain a woman as a priest(ess) of the Church you will go to Hell and suffer eternal damnation. But go on permanently and irrevocably destroying the minds and bodies of children cuz that's just fine. Humiliate the kids, abuse them, dehumanize them, warp their developing minds, scar them physically and psychologically and as long as you keep women out of the Church it's just fine and dandy.

Obviously, it makes absolutely no sense at all. And so I have come to a perhaps radical conclusion: the Pope is trying to destroy his own Church. Think about it: Church attendance is in the toilet, churches are closing down left and right and the country, the world, is becoming more secular every day. So what does the Pope do? Why, give the child molesters and rapists a slap on the wrist and denounce with holy fervor a priest who dares include women. According to the AlterNet article well over 60% of American Catholics favor the ordination of women as priests so I guess the Pope is also getting the extra benefit of alienating the remaining faithful. So, what gives? What's the answer, the reason? Well, I figure there's only one of two possible answers for this craziness. One: the Pope is trying to destroy his own Church. Or, two: the Pope is batshiat insane. Or both.

Bunny Cake

2009-04-12T18:23:00.001-05:00

Meet Rick, the gay bunny cake of Easter 2009. I decided he'd be gay in honor of the recent victory in Vermont. And since I made this one, all by myself, from scratch I got to choose his identity. Okay, okay, the frosting came from the store but that's only because our frikkin' mixer broke. I think we figured up that this is the 36th bunny cake we've made in our family. My mom started the second Easter my folks were married and only missed making one the year my brother was born and remained in the hospital (he was born with a cleft lip and palate) but I digress. Anyway, we do this every year and I took the reins this time around. I know it's not art but it's pretty crafty and considering I don't like to cook I thought I'd show it off. It's really easy to make. It's just two 9-inch round cakes. The two ears are cut out of the sides of one cake and the remaining piece is the bow tie. Getting the bow tie to actually look like a bow tie is usually the hardest part. If you want to make a really furry looking cake just use coconut.

This is the 2008 model. I think the lemon slices were meant to be glasses, perhaps in a Harry Potter motif. I honestly don't remember. I know, I know, what is a neopagan doing making a cake for Easter? Well, as I said above, my family has always made one. My mom is really the only Christian left in our family but long after she's gone I'll still be making a bunny cake.

Copyright Concerns

2009-04-11T03:09:00.001-05:00

So, since I've gotten back into collage I got to thinking about that pesky, irritating and potentially inspiration-killing issue of copyright. Copyright infringement to be precise. I hadn't been too worried about the issue as a whole until I visited this page about copyright myths and learned some interesting facts. Most of my collages tend to center around ancient art, sculptures, mosaics and the like. But plenty, plenty, oh plenty of my images come from magazines like National Geographic, etc. And while I don't ever intend to sell my collages I do worry since I've recently discovered that simply by making a collage that incorporates the copyrighted images of others I am technically breaking the law. That's right, even if I have no intention to sell, duplicate, distribute or ever show it to anyone the mere fact that my collage has the copyrighted images of others in it means I am breaking copyright law. And since I've started to post some of them on this here blog I've gotten to worrying a bit.

Now, I seriously, very, very seriously doubt that any published and professional artist would care all that much about my little collages. I'm just one amateur crafty witch whose "works" or "pieces" will probably only ever been seen by a mere handful of people. But I am going to start making a concerted effort to use more of my own photographs as well as ancient images. I'll especially try to veer closer to photos of ancient mosaics and other 2 dimensional pieces as I've also recently learned that photos of statues can be considered creative and thus covered by copyright law as issues of position and lighting must be considered by the individual photographer.

And I've found mention of various free sources of images that fall into the category of creative commons so I guess I need to look into that. Needless to say, this puts a big kink in my collage plans but I'm not going to let that stop me. I just need to rethink my collage process and maybe ditch all those magazine clippings I've spent hours cutting out and organizing. This also means I've got to obtain some more printer ink and hope, no pray, that my printer can produce decent, collage-worthy images.

Different Headspace

2009-04-10T23:32:00.008-05:00

If you're one of my regular readers you've probably noticed I haven't been blogging much lately. Well, that's because I've been busy blogging elsewhere. My creative juices have been turned on high lately and I've resurrected my crafty/photography blog. I've been doing mostly nature photography and collage, as well as creative journaling. And since it's me we're talking about here it's all done with a pagan slant. If you'd like to see what I've been busy doing please check out Sacred Spiral Creations.

Returning

2009-04-10T02:16:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

I like this image of my friendly neighborhood stump being reclaimed by these green plants, i.e. life, the Earth Mother.

Hecate Altar

2009-04-09T20:18:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

Various magazine clippings. The moon and stars are from the same painting as the stars from the previous post that I can't remember. I'm not sure if I'm completely happy with this one but since I can't fit anything more into it I've decided to leave it alone for now.

Aphrodite 4

2009-04-08T20:02:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

Here's another Aphrodite collage. The mural is actually Venus from the remains of Pompeii. The painting is "The Kiss" by Gustave Klimt from 1908. The stars are from an old painting of some sort as well but, unfortunately, I can't recall which one. My bad. The other images are from various magazines.

Spring the Green Man

2009-04-06T01:27:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

This is really creative journaling and expresses my frustration regarding the local weather. I'm tired of being cold and am so ready for spring so I just went with it. The flowers and trees came from magazines and the little green man pendant comes from a new age catalog. All the inverted colors are just my way of trying to make a collage I wasn't truly happy with a little better. I think the look also speaks to the duality of our weird weather consisting of two or three days being warm enough to wear shorts and sandals and the next night temps dipping to around or even below freezing. It's also just fun to mess with stuff like that.

Offering to Aphrodite

2009-04-05T03:58:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

The statue is the Venus de Milo but the prayer is meant for Aphrodite, same difference, so sue me. I found this prayer uncredited on a long lost website, so I have no idea who wrote it. I'm really quite pleased with this collage if I do say so myself. Most of the flowers came from seed catalogs and there's a bit of old stationary in there too. The Venus came from an illustrated encyclopedia of mythology I shredded to bits for its many photos. The text was added with my plain 'ol paint program.

Aphrodite is one of my patron goddesses so I'm sure I will eventually post more offerings to her to go along with this and the other 2 already posted.

Sacred Snakes

2009-04-05T03:47:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

This collage was made on paper slightly too big for my scanner so I had to photograph this hoping it would turn out okay. I'm not really happy with the quality of the image but pretty happy with the collage itself. The text, if you can make them out, are lines from a haiku of Singh. At any rate, I'm gonna be purchasing smaller paper for my future collage efforts so as to avoid the obvious problems of glare and lack of focus.

The photocopied image of the statuary is Laocoon and His Sons dating from about 100 BCE. The little female figurine, partially obscured by the glare, is a Minoan snake goddess found on Crete. The little snake head underneath Laocoon's son is Jörmungandr the Nordic world serpent. There's also a tiny Medusa on the bottom and the stone relief serpent near the top is either Aztec or Mayan. I honestly can't remember and forgot to write it down. The photo behind said serpent is a shot of some jalapenos from our garden from a few years back. The snake photos on the bottom were from a Missouri Conservationist snake pamphlet.

Progress?

2009-04-03T04:31:00.010-05:00

Officially, the hummingbirds have made it to southern Missouri, but we haven't seen one around here. It's just too damn cold. The daytime temperatures haven't been so bad lately; I've even been opening a window every now and then. But nighttime temperatures have been hovering right about the freezing mark for several days now. We have a nice day or two and then back to being so cold we have to keep both fireplaces roaring. And the forecast isn't very encouraging either; it's supposed to get near 60 tomorrow, near 70 the next day and then back to the freezer after that. Our poor trees and other plants are confused as hell. Sure, we always have some weather weirdness around here but this is ridiculous.

It's really got me thinking about global warming which is, of course, a bit of a misnomer. See, if a man made global warming really is taking place its effect won't necessarily be a hotter Earth. It'll be a generally fucked up atmosphere resulting in all kinds of negative effects. I guess that's why the newer term "climate change" is gaining more ground, although to me it doesn't really go far enough. I think we need to adopt a more precise, if longer and awkward, name. "Global warming" sounds like it could be a worldwide summer where everyone picnics and sunbathes at the same time. "Climate change" could just be one of the semi-regular cooling or warming periods our planet has experienced since its birth. To be fair it's got to be more than two words, maybe four or five or more, to be accurate.

How 'bout "human made armageddon"? Hmm, maybe not; it's a little too Abrahamic for my taste. What about "Earth children spawn their own destruction"? Or, even better, "stupid humans, in an effort to attain unattainable limitless power and wealth create the ultimate irony: their own self-made destruction"? Yeah, I like that; it's a lot closer to the heart of the issue than "global warming" or "climate change". But I imagine it'll never catch on with the wider public or the media. It's too honest, too graphic, too real. And too long for many people who seem to have the attention span of ....well, I'm trying to think of a good analogy. But I can't seem to think of anything that equates to the average television junkie.

I read somewhere that there's a particular brain wave pattern that occurs in the heads of those glued to the television that indicates very little thought taking place. Now, don't get me wrong, I watch my share of Bones, Futurama and Squidbillies, but damn, some people do nothing but watch tv. And I wonder if that isn't part of the greater problem of our possibly-soon-to-collapse society. Perhaps some of us have stopped thinking critically altogether in favor of eye candy-induced zombiehood. I can't help but wonder: if the industrial revolution had never happened, and we had never gained so much free time, and tv was never invented, would we be in this mess today? I know that's a stretch and an oversimplification, but I think my question is still valid. So what's the answer?

I don't know, as usual. All I do know is that I'm cold. And I'm sick of being cold. The growth of our pear trees has already been stopped in its tracks because of the weather; luckily the cherry trees haven't budded yet. The bugs have woken up, dug out and gotten just cold enough to move into the house. The pond frogs keep trying to stick it out at night but I can't help wondering if they're suffering rather than simply giving up and digging back into the mud. But I guess it isn't all bad. Most of the plants are still persevering and I did see a bumble bee yesterday. Our lettuce and radishes are sprouting nicely and the hummingbirds have been reported in areas north of us. So I guess spring is coming; it's just having to take a long, hard, cold road. I guess I need to get back to working some magic to help it along!

Parrallels

2009-04-02T01:43:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

Here's another evening image. I think these are called cirrus clouds, but I can't remember clearly. Given that I love photographing clouds above all other things I guess I should take some time to understand their different forms and functions.

Tiny Mushrooms on a Big Stump

2009-04-02T00:45:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

Just a bunch of LBMs (little brown mushrooms) on a stump in the back yard. I like the way they seem to grow in waves over the edges of the stump. I also like the three different sections of this image: the top is the grayish-brown of the stump, the middle is the pale tan of the mushrooms and the bottom is the green of the grass.

Moon In The Fade

2009-04-02T00:32:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

I wish I had a good enough camera to really capture the details of the moon but in lieu of that I'm really loving the colors fading into each other.

Yep, I finally, finally, finally got a new USB cord for my digital camera!

R.I.P Andy Hallet

2009-03-30T23:55:00.006-05:00

Shit. I mean damnit to hell! Dead at 33, from heart disease! If you're not a fan of the Joss Whedon universe I imagine you couldn't give less than two shits about this but I'm really bummed. Hallet as Lorne was one of my all-time favorite Whedon characters.

Here's a very short clip from the second season of Angel. For those that don't know, that is him singing, no syncing. Lorne was my favorite character from the entire 5 years of the show. Can't believe it, he was only 33!

Mardi Gras Melt

2009-03-29T06:07:00.001-05:00

Click for larger version.

I made this in high school; I found it digging through old boxes when I was looking for something else. This was made using plain old crayons melted in a spoon over oil lamp flames. Then using either the spoon or other tool (perhaps ink tips? don't remember) the wax was applied much like paint. I remember the melted crayon wax as being a somewhat tricky medium. On the one hand, if a mistake was made it could just be scraped off. But if too many mistakes were made and scraped off too many times the board underneath would just tear up. I think said boards were about the thickness of your average poster board, maybe a little thicker. And, as is obvious from the larger version of the above image, one could always put more wax on top of a mistake but that could make for weirdness as far as thick chunks of wax next to lower, smoother sections. Not to mention that if the wax was built up too high it could easily break off. I think I may have used toothpicks for the fine lines of her eyelashes and the feathers. Weird, huh? But it turned out pretty good considering I had no experience with this type of thing. At any rate, it was a fun, experimental creative process. I might try it again one day just for the hell of it.

And, no, I don't know why her face had to be silver. I remember I borrowed this image from a magazine ad so maybe that decision was made by someone else and I just went with it. I honestly don't remember all the details as this was made way back in the days of 1994 or '95. This is one of the weirdest and most interesting things I kept from my school days so I felt like sharing it.

Pink Petals and Love Notes

2009-03-29T04:30:00.000-05:00

Click for larger version.

It feels good to use scissors and glue and make a lot of little pretty somethings into a bigger pretty something. That said, I think this is just a good background for something more profound. I think I'm gonna add some poetry in large writing over this. Something from Romeo and Juliet perhaps. Given that it's flowers it could either be a love poem or a death/funeral poem, or both. Stay tuned.

Cannabis Law Reform

2009-03-27T19:07:00.003-05:00

From NORML:

As for those tens of millions of you who believe that cannabis should be legally regulated like alcohol -- and the tens of thousands of you who voted to make this subject the most popular question in the White House's online Presidential Town Hall -- well, your voice doesn't really matter.

Asked this morning whether he "would ... support the bill currently going through the California legislation to legalize and tax marijuana, boosting the economy and reducing drug cartel related violence," the President responded with derision.

"There was one question that was voted on that ranked fairly high and that was whether legalizing marijuana would improve the economy and job creation, and I don't know what this says about the online audience," he laughed.

"The answer is no, I don't think that [is] a good strategy."

Please, go read the entire thing. And consider adding your name to the well-written form letter, to which you can amend in any way you see fit. What follows is their form-letter with my own comments at the end.

Mr. President,

You pledged "to open up the White House to the American people." I'm one of the tens of millions of Americans who believe that cannabis should be legally regulated like alcohol. I'm also one of the tens of thousands of Americans who voted to make this subject the most popular question in your online Presidential Town Hall. I'm disappointed to learn that you believe that my voice doesn't really matter.

I understand that you may oppose this position, but that is no reason to deride this issue.

Mr. President, please tell me: "What is it that you think is so funny about the subject of marijuana law reform?"

Since 1965, police have arrested over 20 million Americans for violating marijuana laws, yet nearly 90 percent of teenagers say that pot is "very easy" or "fairly easy" to obtain. Do you find this funny?

According to your administration, there is an unprecedented level of violence occurring at the Mexico/US border -- much of which is allegedly caused by the trafficking of marijuana to the United States by drug cartels. America's stringent enforcement of pot prohibition, which artificially inflates black market pot prices and ensures that only criminal enterprises will be involved in the production and sale of this commodity, is helping to fuel this violence. Do you still believe that this subject is humorous?

Finally, two recent polls indicate that a strong majority of regional voters support ending marijuana prohibition and treating the drug's sale, use, and distribution like alcohol. A February 2009 Zogby telephone poll reported that nearly six out of ten of voters on the west coast think that cannabis should be "taxed and legally regulated like alcohol and cigarettes." A just-released California Field Poll reports similar results, finding that 58 percent of statewide votes believe that regulations for cannabis should be the same or less strict than those for alcohol.

Why do you choose to laugh at these people? Why do you choose to laugh at me?

The American public is ready and willing to engage in a serious and objective political debate regarding the merits of legalizing the use of cannabis by adults. The time for joking is over.

Please consider apologizing for your dismissive tone, and please consider treating those of us who believe that there are viable alternatives to marijuana prohibition with the respect we deserve.

Regular internet users were a great help to you in your run for the White House; deriding online poll results is the same as slapping your greatest supporters in the face. I recognize that, when it comes to cannabis law reform, there are many interested parties on both sides of the issue and that sometimes these parties must be assuaged of their fears and doubts, especially in a public forum. But please, don't make the mistake of alienating the largest demographic that placed you in your position.

The "War on (Some) Drugs" has been a massive failure and the inclusion of cannabis in the same category as deadly drugs is patently absurd. If you truly wish to lead this country out of its troubles and into the future you must recognize that cannabis law reform is one of the most important issues for tens of millions of American citizens. We are tired of being imprisoned for taking our medicine. We are tired of being imprisoned for years for possessing an ounce of an harmless herb. We are tired of being treated as second-class citizens because we would occasionally rather imbibe smoke than destroy our livers with the much deadlier drug of alcohol. The time for derision is over. I fear that if you do not rethink your position on cannabis law reform that you will lose a great part of your public support.

My comments are in bold. The tactics of the old regime of "cannabis is as dangerous as heroin, cocaine, etc." is over. It's time for a new, modern and progressive policy that has at least something to do with reason and, maybe, just maybe the wishes of the majority.

Sadistic Mother Nature

2009-03-25T01:20:00.004-05:00

Spring is trying to get sprung here in the Ozarks. The equinox came and went, leaving hope in its wake. The grape hyacinths, regular hyacinths and numerous tulips and jonquils are blooming. Other warm weather plants are growing their greenery in anticipation: the day lilies, rose of Sharon, multi-flower rose and lilacs are all gearing up. Most of the trees are budding out with wild abandon, though the walnuts are still dragging their feet, or roots as the case may be. The geese and other migratory birds are slowly returning, though it will be several weeks before the first hummingbird sighting. Pear and peach trees are putting on gorgeous displays of color as are the brilliant, yellow forsythias. We had our garden turned last week in preparation for the usual tomatoes, peppers, green beans and other veggies. I spent several days last week bopping around in my shorts, tank top and brand new sandals. It was so warm and sunny I thought that spring had finally arrived.

It's near freezing right now and we're expecting two days of snow this weekend.

Mother Nature is really fucking with us. Don't misunderstand me; spring and fall in the Ozarks are always something of a roller coaster ride. It's not uncommon to have snow on the spring solstice or a cold, rainy Beltaine. And it's not uncommon to have a very cold Mabon or a warm Samhain. That's just the way it is around here, always has been and always will be I suppose. But this time I really hate this "two steps forward then two steps back" shit. The last year or so has been really hard on my family and, while some things have improved, the situation is still very tense and uncomfortable at times. The warm weather of the last couple weeks had me feeling better and to have it taken away again is like a hard, cold slap in the face.

I am so ready for spring; I'm enthusiastically eager for green growth and sunny days. I don't even begrudge the pollen that will clog my sinuses like a stopped up sink and make me blow up like a sneezing machine. I'm not too worried about the fleas, ticks, wasps or those little iridescent Japanese fuckers that munch on the grapes and other plants. I'm not concerned about poison ivy, Johnson grass or dandelions. I'm looking forward to mowing the lawn, pulling weeds and getting my hands dirty. I want to pick bouquets of wildflowers and place them on my altar. I want to hear the pond frogs sing all night, every night without fail. I want to listen to the timeless, hypnotic song of crickets and other night creatures. I want to drink in the night sky without catching a chill. I want to soak up the sun with no care in the world other than sunburn.

Mother Nature, it seems, has other plans. I'll have to go back to bringing in wood everyday. I'll have to go back to keeping all the windows shut tight. The outside heat lights will have to stay on for the time being. It's back to socks, long pants and jackets. There won't be any barbecues around here for a while and very little sitting on the back porch watching the sunset. All of the pond frogs have no doubt dug back into the mud leaving the night deathly quiet except for the sound of the gusts here on Windy Hill. I'm not complaining but...oh wait, yes I am complaining. Enough winter already! Come on spring! It's a witches' job to help turn the wheel of the year; I guess I have my work cut out for me.

Gambian Witch Hunt

2009-03-19T19:25:00.006-05:00

This is some scary shit folks. The witch hunts of Africa have been going on for ages now and are usually a pretty isolated event involving only a few people at a time. Well, apparently efforts have been stepped up.

Authorities in Gambia have rounded up about 1,000 people and forced them to drink hallucinogens in a witch-hunting campaign that is terrorizing the tiny West African nation, an international rights group said Wednesday.

Amnesty International called on the government of President Yahya Jammeh, who seized power in a 1994 coup and has claimed he can cure AIDS, to halt the campaign and bring those responsible to justice...

"Once there, they were stripped and forced to drink 'dirty water' from herbs and were also bathed with these dirty herbs" that caused diarrhea and vomiting, the witness said. "I stayed there for five days ... I cannot believe that this type of treatment is taking place in Gambia. It is from the dark ages."...

In 2007, Jammeh declared he had discovered a cure for AIDS and began treating patients inside the presidential palace, using herbs and incantations. His dictatorial regime has cracked down harshly on critics, especially the press.

Now, any regular reader of this blog knows I'm all for entheogenics, the use of plants to not only heal but to bring about an altered mental state for the purpose of spiritual growth. But this is just fucking sick. Forcing people to ingest an hallucinogenic herbal drink, after kidnapping them and stripping them naked, is just way beyond twisted. And who could miss the obvious fact that the use of herbs and incantations to "cure AIDS" is in itself witchcraft?! I guess what Jammeh wants is what so many other assholes in power want: a stranglehold on any kind of power, be it political, medicinal or magical.

Stars and Lights

2009-03-16T01:46:00.008-05:00

Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky

I had a weird moment tonight. It was one of those moments when I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing. I was out in the backyard with the dogs, enjoying the crystal clear night sky. The moon wasn't quite visible yet so there were only stars as far as the eye could see. I live out in the country, or the suburbs of a very small town if I wanna get cheeky about it, so light pollution isn't much of an issue. Anyway, the weird moment came when I made it to the back of the yard and gazed at the brightest of the stars. And, I swear to the gods, it was blinking. And not just blinking bright, then dull, then bright again. It flashed white, white, blue, red. White, white, blue, red. Over and over in exactly the same order and rhythm.

I have never seen this before and I don't know why.

It was so startlingly different that the phrase "UFO" actually crossed my mind before passing away just as quickly as it arose. Then I wondered if all the fireplace smoke in the air could be playing tricks on my eyes. Then I came in and checked out a couple of my most favorite spacey websites thinking there must be some grand scientific explanation. And I couldn't find anything of the sort regarding the current space weather. So, I went back outside to see if I was hallucinating. And there it was again. The brightest, lowest star blinking at me; it may be Venus for all I know. But it appears like just any bright star, except it's blinking and flashing. White, white, blue, red. White, white, blue, red. So, I said to myself, "Self, you must be hallucinating". Then I got the idea to check out the other stars. And all of the bigger, brighter stars were blinking at me! The smaller, fainter stars just glimmered with their usual sparkle. But each and every one of the larger stars blinked in vividly different colors.

The only plausible idea I can come up with is that I have been in front of the computer, on and off, for about 4 hours now and my eyes are playing tricks on themselves. But that doesn't really fit the situation either. I've been a hardcore internet junkie since 1995 and never have I seen the stars like this. And I've been a dedicated moon and stargazer for most of my life. Why did I never see this before? Was I not looking close enough? Was I not looking long enough? Did the gods just now decide to reveal this to me? Or did someone spike my 2% milk when I was looking the other way?

Even as I write this a thought occurs: maybe I'm just getting old. Perhaps now that my eyes are a little weaker I am only seeing these flashes of colors as my eyes can't handle the overall brightness of the stars. Is that possible? I wish I knew. No, that's not entirely correct. I'd like to know the answer. But, mostly, I hope, and wish for it to continue.

Starlight, starbright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight

Together We're Invincible

2009-03-16T00:07:00.009-05:00

Here, have some Muse. Not only is this a good song but I love the imagery. This is a unique and beautiful video. I think my favorite phrase is: "Your soul's unbreakable". If you don't like Muse cuz they're popular with the younguns then I pity you as, not only is the music good, but the guitar work is phenomenal. Principle writer, pianist, singer and lead guitarist Matt Bellamy really is "our Jimi Hendrix". Just wait a few minutes and when the guitar solo kicks in I defy you not to sit up and listen intently.

Follow through
Make your dreams come true
Don't give up the fight
You will be all right
Cause there's no one like you
In the universe

Don't be afraid
What your mind conceals
You should make a stand
Stand up for what you believe
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible

And during the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please let's use this chance to
Turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible

Do it on your own
Makes no difference to me
What you leave behind
What you choose to be
and whatever they say
Your soul's unbreakable

And during the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please let's use this chance to
Turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible

Critters Great and Small

2009-03-12T02:31:00.010-05:00

Disclaimer: I just want to say from the get-go: the following stream-of-consciousness ramblings are not intended to offend anyone be they vegetarian, vegan, sympathetic omnivore or hard-core carnivore. These are just some weird thoughts I've had running through my head.

When I was about ten years of age I decided to become a vegetarian. I can't recall my specific reasons but I think it must have had something to do with my love of and gift for attracting animals. I've always had a gift for putting animals at ease, especially scared animals stuck up a tree, or hiding under the house/bed, etc. And animals love me. Of course, I'm speaking of typical pets like dogs, cats, ferrets, hamsters, ya know, small mammals. They love me. I don't think I've ever met a single furry critter that didn't love me like magnets love the refrigerator door. I can't tell you how many times I've had people, whose homes I was visiting for the first time, express amazement that their extremely anti-social critter was curled up in my lap. Now, to be honest, I've lived in the country for a large part of my life and so my shoes will naturally have great smells attached to them. I understand that to a city animal the scent of a raccoon or possum is fascinating. But even without that particular nose candy I've always had a knack for the furry critters of the world. And when I hit puberty around 9-10 years of age I became conscious of the link between the 10 dogs and cats in my bedroom and the hundred cows out in the fields. So, I decided to quit eating meat.

I think it lasted 3 months. The lure of barbecued hamburgers was just too strong for me to resist. Like my initial decision to give up meat I don't remember the specific thought process that went into the decision. I just remember craving a good, grilled burger. Now that 20 years have passed I think the fact that really decided me was that cats, dogs, etc., were/are small, affectionate and familiar. Cows, chickens, turkeys, pigs and fish were/are unfamiliar and, as far as I've ever seen since then, completely uncaring about human companionship. I think my ten-year-old mind figured that if they didn't care for me then I had no reason to care for them. Does that make sense?

Now that I'm older and I, along with most of the world, am much world environmentally conscious I think about how the overall meat and poultry industries are affecting our planet. Being that I'm from cattle country I'll bring up cow flatulence. Strange as it may seem, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Does it really hurt the atmosphere? I can't help but think it does. Sure, one group in one field doesn't mean much. But there are millions upon millions of cattle the world over; that's gotta add up to a helluva lot of methane. And, lest we forget, in many parts of the world acres and acres of oxygen-producing, animal habitat-providing forests are obliterated for the sake of cattle raising. So that's two big strikes against cows.

Where am I going with this? I don't know, as usual. I'm not going to declare myself a vegetarian. But I have cut back on my meat consumption. To be honest, it's not been that hard for me. I've never been a lusty carnivore. If it's there, and it's cooked right and I'm in the mood for it I'll eat it. It's a hit-or-miss affair with me. I'm usually much more interested in grains, vegetables and anything with a disgusting amount of sugar in it. Still, I'm left with a lingering, nagging sense of doubt about the meat consumed in my home. Back in the days of pre-history early humans had to eat meat, it's what we did to survive. Our teeth, and the teeth of animals the world over, are proof of this. But now? Ummm, not so much. We don't need to eat meat anymore. It's no longer required. Our mastery of agriculture has provided us with all the food we will ever need. There are plenty of protein-rich foods that negate the need to ingest meat of any kind. So, I'm left with a big question: are those of us who continue, for whatever reason, to eat meat fighting a battle that we will inevitably, if slowly, lose?

Growing Our Monkeyspheres

2009-03-01T16:45:00.003-06:00

We all know there are people in the world who seem to have monkeyspheres big enough to include everyone. They go by many titles: saint, bodhisattva, guru, priest, priestess, sister, father, brother. Many of them are well known such as Mother Theresa and Gandhi. Many of them, of course, are not known but are simply going about living their lives in a quiet yet meaningful way, loving everyone they meet and blessings those that hurt them with their seemingly boundless capacity for forgiveness. How do they do it? It seems some folks are simply born with the capacity for a universal monkeysphere, while the rest of us must work harder at it.

The key seems to be learning that all peoples the world over are just like you and I. We are all born, we all age, we all must eat and visit the bathroom from time to time. We all get sick, we all laugh and we all love our families and friends. We all get scared and we all die. But, because of distance, language barriers, politics and cultural differences we have a very bad habit of forgetting these basic truths thus allowing our monkeyspheres to stagnate or, even worse, shrink. The following ideas might help us fight that bad habit and grow our monkeyspheres.

I think that plain old education can help us grow our monkeyspheres. Pick up an autobiographical book written by someone in a country strange to you and I bet your monkeysphere will grow a bit. Make it part of your daily routine to read international news and don't just gloss over the facts and figures. Use those visualization skills and put their tragedies and triumphs in your home and see if you can't cultivate some feeling for those strangers. Read up on the history of U.S. involvement in places like Afghanistan and Iran and learn that they have plenty of reason to hate us. It might be unpleasant to do these things but a large part of growing one's monkeysphere is learning of the hardships and sufferings of others.

I also think traveling the world is a great way to grow the monkeysphere. And I don't just mean traveling on prepackaged tours; get out there and meet the locals. One must get off the beaten path to truly learn and experience a place and its culture. Learn about their daily lives, visit the local shops and really talk to people. It never ceases to amaze me when I hear of folks who save up for years to visit a foreign country and then spend all their vacation time in a small Americanized hotel and entertainment complex, never actually venturing into said country. I mean, really, why bother? But that's a rant for another time...

Meditation probably ranks pretty high up on the list of methods used to grow the monkeysphere. Meditation quiets the humdrum, mundane mind letting us get in touch with our deepest selves. We can use meditation to reach our monkeysphere and allow it to breathe and grow. Once we get past our petty daily problems we can more clearly see the lives, minds and hearts of others and see that they, just like us, have monkeyspheres in need of growth. Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of achieving a deeply meditative state on their own, thus opening the possibility for some chemical help in this arena.

Now we get to perhaps the most controversial method of growing one's monkeysphere, that is, entheology, which requires more extensive discussion. Dictionary.com defines entheogen as: any substance, such as a plant or drug, taken to bring on a spiritual experience. So, entheology is the study and practice of using entheogens for spiritual purposes. Now, to some people this is simple drug abuse and is right out evil. But that's a pretty narrow-minded view based on the overly publicized accounts of the idiots of the world and their stupid drug-related exploits. Let me put it this way: there's a big difference between simply getting high and receiving the blessings of entheogens. Some people take 'shrooms and spend a day being totally fucked up, laughing like a moron while listening to tunes. And I'm not saying there's necessarily anything wrong with that; I can think of many more destructive and pointless ways to spend a day. What I am saying is that that is a lot different from someone fasting for a couple days, purifying themselves and their ritual space and smoking salvia divinorum to bring about a deeply meditative state as a means of celebrating a life change or learning to cope with it. See the difference?

Now, of course, this method of growing one's monkeysphere isn't for everyone. Many entheogens are illegal and some are potentially deadly in the wrong hands. I think of it like this: some people can't handle alcohol, some people can't handle tobacco, or gambling or sex without ruining their lives, the lives of others and perhaps killing themselves. The same goes for entheogens and drugs of all sorts. Some people cannot handle them and will destroy themselves if given a chance. But many of us can maintain healthy relationships with entheogens and will, in fact, learn a lot about ourselves, the world around us and the human race itself through their responsible ritual use. I'm by no means an expert, having had only one hallucinatory experience via datura stramonium, but I can say this: I learned a lot from that single experience and will probably repeat the ritual in the future. That's not to say it was enjoyable or a big party. "Spiritual experience" does not necessarily translate to "fun". In fact, it can be very unpleasant physically, emotionally and psychically. There's no real way to be sure what you'll get. The only certainty is that, if you approach the entheogen with reverence, especially if it's a plant, you will learn and grow and change. In other words: you will benefit and your monkeysphere will grow.

So there you have it: my ideas for growing our monkeyspheres. I tried to look at the problem logically by making a list and expanding on it. I have no doubt that there are other valid methods and would be delighted to hear what my readers think of my suggestions. Would you use any of the above methods to grow your monkeysphere? Have you already incorporated some of them into your spiritual practice? What kind of results have you had? Have you gained wisdom from them? What other methods would you suggest?

Monkeyspheres Part Deux

2009-02-24T02:36:00.001-06:00

Since I've been thinking about the phenomenon of the monkeysphere lately I've begun pondering who gets included and by what means they are included in our personal concepts of who is real and who is not. I wonder how the monkeysphere theory relates to the internet. If verbal communication replaced grooming (which maintained group ties) to help establish and maintain the monkeysphere what role does electronic communication, with no physical interaction, play? Is the internet only the latest incarnation of that-which-replaces-social-grooming? Maybe "replace" isn't the right word. I don't think the internet will replace the spoken word, that seems pretty unlikely. After all, verbal communication didn't stamp out social grooming. If it had we wouldn't have hair salons, barber shops and makeup counters and the like. Now that I think of it, you could perhaps include tattoo and piercing shops in that social grooming category too. But I digress...

Are people we've never met but electronically communicated with part of our personal monkeysphere? I imagine it probably depends on the individual internet user. I think many of my internet acquaintances are included in my monkeysphere. In fact, I converse with more people online than I do face to face. Since I like internet socializing more than face to face socializing I think I include more internet acquaintances in my monkeysphere than people I've met in real life. Hmm, "in real life": I guess that term doesn't mean what it once did. After all, internet conversations are conducted in real time and it's real people doing the typing. But since it doesn't include social grooming, or any other physical interaction to stand in for it, is internet usage creating a new kind of monkeysphere. Maybe the intersphere? Ethersphere?

I also wonder about animal companions being included in our monkeyspheres. Being an animal lover I, of course, include all six of my dogs in my monkeysphere and a whole lotta kitties too. Once upon a time I even included a fish in my monkeysphere. I know there are plenty of people who consider pets to be little more than stuffed animals but I don't consider them to be my kind of human so I'll leave them out of this. I wonder when animals first became pets, back when wolf-like animals first became attached to humans, if they were included in an ancient’s monkeysphere. Ancient dogs were hunting partners and a potentially life-saving security warning system. But were they loved? Was there affection between early humans and early dogs? I can't help but think there was and that early dogs were included in many a monkeysphere.

And since I'm an earthy, tree-hugging, Earth Mother-worshiping greenie I wonder if our plant cousins can be included in our personal monkeyspheres. I think it's entirely possible and plausible. I know I've been deeply attached to certain plants and trees over the years. I still remember the sadness I felt when our beautiful, gigantic tulip poplar was cut down by the corporate assholes that eminent domained us out of our home when I was a wee lass of 7. And there have been other trees and plants I've been attached to and saddened to lose. So, yes, I think plant life can be included in our monkeysphere. Again, I know there are plenty of folks who feel nothing for, or from, plants. But, like those who feel nothing for animals, they are a different beast than I and have little to say to them as I don't think they're fully alive.

That, of course, brings us to the Earth Mother herself. She is not the same as a human. But she is alive. She breathes; she grows, ages, changes, suffers and flourishes. She is that from which all life springs. She is all, she is everything. So, yeah, I definitely include the Earth Mother in my personal monkeysphere. And, obviously, many, many, too, too many people don't. And that's what's so wrong with our culture, with our civilization, with our very race. All too many humans see the Earth as inanimate and lifeless, as a tool or resource to be ruled, conquered, manipulated, used and abused. Too many humans are so focused on their own little monkeysphere that they cannot see what should be at the heart of it: the Earth. The next thought that naturally occurs to me is "how can we encourage the inclusion of the Earth into the monkeyspheres of those who disregard her?"

How to grow our monkeysphere? How to help others grow theirs? That's another post for another time...

Who's in Your Monkeysphere?

2009-02-20T01:03:00.002-06:00

First, what's a monkeysphere and why does it have such a dumb name? Well, the term itself is just another name for Dunbar's Number. See, this anthropologist Robin Dunbar did a study back in the early 90s, involving some of our primate cousins and a bunch of mathematical figurin', and came up with a theory about why we humans can be such assholes to our fellow humans. The basic idea is that we can only conceptualize a certain number of people as real people and then the rest just become a vast group of "other". The size of our brains decides this number for us. As humans, we can apparently handle a group of perhaps 150 - 300 people as real individuals. Our lesser cousins can only recognize, and thus peacefully live in, much smaller groups. Chimps and such maintain these groups by social grooming and there's even a theory that human speech developed because our groups kept growing and we simply didn't have enough time to socially groom each other. So, we started talking to maintain social bonds. Verbal communication replaced grooming, how 'bout that?

Anyway, back to the theory. Since we can only conceptualize a certain number of people as real individuals the rest are little more than walking statistics. For instance, we are deeply disturbed if someone we know and love is killed in an accident. But if a thousand people are killed somewhere in the Pacific by an earthquake we aren't all that bothered by it. We might say something like "oh, that's awful" and perhaps donate some money to the rescue efforts but that's about it. We aren't all that broken up by it even though many, many more lives were lost. And why is that? Those thousand people killed in that disaster are just as real as you and me. They were just as alive as we are now. And now they are just as dead as our loved one killed in the accident. But because they are outside our little sphere they don't matter as much. We don't know them personally, we can't recognize them as real people and so we don't feel as bad.

Or think of it this way.

Remember how yesterday you got cut off in traffic and flipped the bird and shouted several vile things at the offending driver? Think about what you said and did. Would you feel comfortable saying such things to someone you actually know? Probably not. And why? Because you know them and you know how much it would hurt them. And you also know that, if this someone you knew did something to piss you off, they were probably distracted by their own problems and didn't realize they were wronging you. But you could easily say horrible things to the jerk on the freeway because you don't have the concept of him/her as a real person in your mind. Why? Because that stranger on the road is outside your monkeysphere and doesn't qualify as one of your group.

Now, about us being total assholes to our fellow humans. Ya know how we always wonder how terrorists can do the horrible things they do? Well, it's because they don't see anyone outside their little sphere as real. So, it's kinda easy for them to do the things they do as they only conceptualize a few hundred people as real, as relevant. They can easily arrange the deaths of thousands because none of those thousands are real. The same goes for us when we think of them. We don't know them, they aren't real people. They are simply listed under the heading "terrorist" and that's it. I'm not equating ideologies here, just relating how the monkeysphere phenomenon affects all of us regardless of our politics or views on wholesale murder which is, obviously, the business to which most terrorists are devoted.

Where am I going with this? I don't know. I've just been wondering about the nature of human cruelty lately and how the monkeysphere theory relates to it. The psychiatrists of the world say that certain types of people lack the ability to see others, even those who should be within their monkeysphere, as real. That's why some violent criminals lack empathy for their victims; they aren't real in their eyes, which I guess makes some sense. If you don't see anyone as a real person it would be a lot easier to rape, beat, torture and kill them.

And I wonder if our constantly growing populations are only making the asshole behavior worse. If there are more and more and more of us there's too many to recognize and so we become more and more discourteous to others because they aren't real people. They are "other". And this lack of courtesy become rudeness and agitation, disdain and can eventually lead to outright cruelty and violence. I can't prove any of this of course. I can only use myself as an example. You see, I am not a social person, never have been. I am a hermit by nature and I rarely leave the house (and by rarely I mean I leave the house twice, maybe three times a month) so my monkeysphere of people I physically interact with is very small. I believe this is what enables me to be much more courteous to others who often receive abuse, like cashiers and others in the service industry. My monkeysphere is small so I find it quite easy to recognize pretty much everyone I come across as a real, genuine, feeling, thinking, breathing, living, growing, aging individual. And I know this hasn't always been the case.

For instance, when I worked in a busy hospital, and came across hundreds of people each day, I was much more likely to see patients as faceless, nameless numbers. There were simply too many to include in my personal monkeysphere. This helped me maintain my sanity to a degree by allowing me to distance myself from their pain and discomfort. But it also hurt me, and them, in the sense that I wasn't always as compassionate and understanding as I could have been. I wasn't trying to be insensitive; I couldn't help it. Simply put, my monkeysphere was full to max capacity leaving little room for compassion.

So perhaps our exponentially growing population is doing more damage than we realize at first glance. We're not just straining our resources to the breaking point. We're not just damaging our environment, perhaps irrevocably. We're not just mismanaging food and social services leaving many out in the cold and starving. If this monkeysphere idea is the real deal we are forcing ourselves to relegate most of the world into a realm where they don't exist as real people.

I'll have more to say about the monkeysphere theory in forthcoming bloggings. I'm especially interested in how it relates to our wild and wonderful internet world and the somewhat bizarre communications and relationships that spring from it.

From the Holy Shit Files

2009-02-14T17:03:00.003-06:00

Vatican accepts Darwin

and

Man appears free of HIV after stem cell transplant

Seems I looked away for just a moment and all kinds of wild things occurred. It's funny how that works out sometimes. I can read, read, read news obsessively for weeks and come across few items of interest and none that amaze me and then, poof! I take a week or two off to sink to the depths and two near unimaginable things happen in my absence.

And yet, while I've been too wrapped up in myself to pay much attention to the wider world the spirits of nature have not gone unnoticed by me. I've seen a hawk swoop in for the kill (something I'd never seen before) which was an amazing sight, to say the least. And just today we nearly hit a hawk flying low over our truck and spied a deer. A few days ago the bright yellow crocus started peeking out of the ground. Yesterday while I basked in the glory of a beautiful sunset I heard geese. And while we're still burning wood in both fireplaces I can feel spring tiptoeing closer. I can't wait for my winter to end.

Update

2009-02-11T01:01:00.004-06:00

Hey folks, I'm still here, just not in posting mode. I won't go into details, I'll just say this: they don't call it bipolar disorder for nothin'.

Beliefs After Death

2009-01-29T12:33:00.007-06:00

Several examples of words of wisdom have been running through my head lately. "Your thoughts make your reality" is the most prevalent. And what I've gotten to wondering about is how our thoughts and beliefs affect us after we die. For instance, if we firmly, truly, sincerely think and believe in every fiber of our beings that we will reincarnate as a human, does the strength of our thoughts make it happen? I can also turn it around and look at it from an Abrahamic perspective. If an individual truly thinks and believes they are going to hell does the power of their mind actually cause it to happen?

I've been wondering about this since I began taking a closer look at humorous bits about the afterlife. For instance, Bill Hicks, who was a consummate smoker, has a bit about arriving at heaven and being asked "Got a light"? He's later told by Saint Peter that "these aren't clouds, this is cigarette smoke" and that all the non-smokers are in hell. This is just one example that has got me thinking lately.

If our thoughts define the reality of our daily lives wouldn't it stand to reason that those thoughts would create the reality of our afterlives as well? Or is the power of our thoughts only tied to our physical bodies? And, if so, how does this relate to the mind/body connection? As you can see I've got more questions than answers so I'm eager to learn what my readers and fellow bloggers think.